Funniest line? - Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) Discussion

[–] manzuzu-1 17 years ago

"We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-*beep*-culturalist"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAND this little conversation here

EDDY: Well, we hit them as soon as they come back. We'll be waiting and prepared for them. And they are armed.

SOAP: What was that, armed? What do you mean, armed? Armed with what?

EDDY: Er, bad breath, colourful language and a feather duster!... What do you think they will be armed with? Guns, you tit!

SOAP: Guns! You never said anything about guns. A minute ago this was the safest job in the world, now it's turning in to a bad day in Bosnia...

EDDY: Jesus, Soap, stop being such a mincer. I thought about that and...

SOAP: And what exactly?

EDDY: And we will just have to find out who's going to be carrying them.

SOAP: Carrying them. They could all be carrying them for what we know.

EDDY: No, just one of them is in charge of them going to the job. So I assume he will still be carrying when he comes back from the job.

SOAP: Oh, you assume, do ya? What do they say about assumption being the brother of all *beep*-ups?

TOM: It's the mother of *beep*-ups, stupid!

SOAP: Well, excuse me, brother, mother or any other sucker, doesn't make any difference, they are still *beep* guns, and they still fire *beep* bullets!

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[–] pinkphink 17 years ago

Dog: What the hell was that...... what the bloody hell was that?

Nick (gangster friend): That was the brain gun!

>>Just the way Dog does that cracks me up, he made this movie for me.

Also;

Willy: We need fertiliser

Winston: Hmmm, yes, we also need a money counter

>>Again, just the way it's delivered.

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[–] kevinc-gralewski 12 years ago

For me, the part of the movie that had me laughing the hardest and left me with giggles afterward was in the van, when they have successfully ripped off their neighbors, and they find the traffic cop. And they tell Jason Statham to knock him out, and he punches him and he does this pained, weak, wimper/exclamation thing. That whole sequence and the deliveries of all of it had me dying, especially that wimper from the traffic cop. It wavered in just the right way to hit the perfect comedic note for me. Delivery makes the joke.

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[–] ADC_rocks 17 years ago

"It's been emotional"

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[–] mooseymoose29 17 years ago

I love that line an this film so much that I have "It's been emotional" tattooed on my ankle...

also a little throw away line in the kitchen scene gets me every time

SOAP - "do you want a sandwich Bacon?"

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[–] viccky_11 15 years ago

Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything, I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've said? 'Cause if you don't, I'll kill ya.

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[–] Stlaa03 17 years ago

Chill Winstooooon

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[–] BeatrixGecko 17 years ago

"We are growing *copious* amounts of ganja," from Winstooooon.

--
You just shot Marvin in the face.

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[–] mihajlo321 16 years ago

Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, *beep*-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. *beep* 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you?

Bacon: Yeah, I don't know what's more worrying, the job...or your past.

also, his line about a bad day in Bosnia.

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[–] theukelite 17 years ago

Rory:
"If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya.
If you bend the truth, or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill ya.
If you forget anything, I'll kill ya.
..In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive Nick.

Now, do you understand everything I've just said? Cause' if you don't, I'll kill ya!"

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[–] sada69 17 years ago

The scousers hired by Barry
Antiques? what the *beep* do we know about antiques? We rob post offices.....steal cars...what the *beep* do we know about anitques mate?

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[–] The_Celluloid_Sage 17 years ago

Barry's line in the poker game game gets me every time...

C'mon..c'mo...ohhh you fu*&%ng Ba&$*%rd hehe...love him

Who cares what I think...

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[–] RauDuke 17 years ago

'scuse me, can you turn that TV down?

......................no

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[–] theangryintern 16 years ago

I love the explanation from the bartender about what happened to the last guy who asked him to turn it down.

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[–] rob1970 17 years ago

Barry the Baptist: You're doing this job for me...that's all you need to know. You know...because you NEED to know!

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[–] BruddanChrist 17 years ago

They're still *beep* guns and they still fire *beep* bullets!

Wisemen make proverbs. Fools repeat them.

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[–] TheLankyOne 17 years ago

we grow copious amounts of ganja (Winston nods his head happily in an absolutely hilarious way) and you are walking around with a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer? you don't fncking look like a regular culturalist!

they fncking shot me!
well them fncking shoot'em back!

If you believe in Jesus Christ and are 100% proud of it put this as your signature

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[–] g2orr 17 years ago

Bacon: "Do you like diamonds? Well, have a look at that. It's as long as my arm, and I wish it was as long as something else."

Barry: "Hello my son, do you want a lolly?"
Little Chris: "Piss off, ya nonce!"

Big Chris: "Oi! You use language like that again, son, you'll wish you hadn't!"

Harry: "You must be Eddie, JD's boy."
Ed: "You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father."

Also, the story the bartender is telling Tom about Rory is hilarious. It brings up another question I have; is it common in England to use words that rhyme, rather than the actual word. For example: bird's nest (chest), aristotle (bottle), skyrocket (pocket). Just curious...

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[–] gunnehill 17 years ago

"Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney."

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[–] SiPayn 17 years ago

To reply to the earlier poster, it common for a certain section of Londoners Cockneys, and those who are wannbees, Mockneys to use rhyming slang. Originally it was developed as a private theives language so that the police woldn't know what they were talking about.

Modern usage means that for the most part they don't often use all the words in the rhyming slang, for example apples and pears = stairs, or nuclear sub = pub, they'll just say he tripped on the apples, or I'm off down the nuclear, assuming whoever is listening will understand.

There are so many funny lines, but one that always cracks me up is :

Smithy went to see 'Arry, to tell him he was a bit short. 'Arry didn't take too kindly to this and picking up the nearest thing to hand, which was a 15" black rubber cock, and proceeded to bear poor Smithy to death with it. And that was seen as a nice way to go, which is why when you owe 'Arry, you pay 'Arry.

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste......

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[–] DaedalusEx 17 years ago

Dean: "Woah Kenny! What are you doing?"
Gary: "I am trying to find out where they keep their money!"
Dean: "You twat, can't you see these have no money, they can't even afford new furniture. Everytime we do a job you have to go burning people's feet, what's the matter with ya?"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!!" - Brick

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[–] db007 17 years ago

Barry: *beep* northern monkeys

Gary: I hate these *beep* southern fairies

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[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] annisgian 17 years ago

Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot?
Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.
WHHHHHHAAAAAAA! *beep* TOO RIGHT ON!

"I just want to be able to trust you. You know; it's about trust". -A.Rothstien

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[–] wdb1975 17 years ago

Tom: Look, it's all completely chicken soup.
Nick the Greek: It's what?
Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas.
Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.

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[–] turbo_bastard 17 years ago

Bacon: We've hit the jackpot, lads! We've got God-knows-how-much of this stinking weed, a *beep* of cash... and a traffic warden.
Tom: What?
[Bacon holds up an unconscious man]
Tom: Jesus, Ed, we've got a traffic warden!
Bacon: I think he's still alive - he's got claret coming out of him somewhere. What did they want with a traffic warden?
Eddie: I don't know, but I don't think we need him! Knock him out and dump him at the lights!
Bacon: Knock him out? What'd ya mean, knock him out? Knock him out with what?
Eddie: I don't know! Use your imagination!
[Bacon punches the Traffic Warden, who moans in pain]
Tom: Don't touch him up! Knock him out!
Bacon: I'll knock you out in a minute! Look, you want to knock him out? *You* knock him out.
Eddie: I *beep* hate traffic wardens.
[after a pause, Tom and Eddie jump into the back of the van with Bacon; all three proceed to batter the Traffic Warden senseless]

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[–] bmcghie 17 years ago

Big Chris: (after crashing his car into the back of the boys' outside of Harry's Shop) Cheeky bugger!

Love the delivery...

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[–] Roy72 17 years ago

Where the *beep* did she come from?

just after best girl with gun scene in movie history!

Roy 72.

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