Favourite Quotes - National Lampoon's: Loaded Weapon 1 (1993) Discussion

[–] ludachris100 20 years ago

"Vhere, is, ze Meeecrofilm?"

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[–] DarkSpade 20 years ago

Captain: If you embarrass this department, your pants will be dancing with figs! Is that clear?
Luger: Everything except for the dancing with figs part!

Morters: Half the payment now. Half tomorrow. Half on delivery.

Luger: Didn't you die?
Becker: I thought this was a sequel.

And the scene with Scotty fixing the coffee machine. :p

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[–] puscus 20 years ago

Luger: These matches say "you're lying"

Luger: We can protect you...
(then the guy get shot)
Colt: This will be the last time he trust a cop!

And just after this...

- How bad is it ?
- It's not bad, you'll be fine! You'll be back on your feet in no time!
(Then the coroner close the morgue bag)

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[–] TheMusheenist 20 years ago

I thought you were dead?
i thought this was the sequal!

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[–] JohnnyPistols 20 years ago

The best one
(SAM JACKSON): Honey , you've got to face the fact that your mother has been dead for six months.
HIS WIFE HAS THE BIGGEST SHOCKED LOOK ON HER FACE
(SAM JACKSON): Did I forget to give you that message?

(CHIEF):You know that those cookies were laced with cocaine.
(SAM JACKSON): No wonder I couldn't eat just one.

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[–] 20 years ago

[deleted]

[–] TOMNEL 19 years ago

Colt:What are you doing?

Lugar:Taking a sht!

Lugar: ...and leave a message after the beep.

Golberg:Yeah, I have to..

Lugar: Hey, I said after the beep!

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[–] aseddon130 19 years ago

Luger: Ok herb, got any theories ...
Herb: errr.... E = MC Square

Luger: Do you know of an informant that went by the name of Billy York
guy: Got a picture

<shows T-Shirt with Whoopi Goldberg on it>

guy:got anything better?

<shows dead body of Whoopi Goldberg on a bed>

guy: That Her?
Luger: No, thats a picture

<guy thinks>

guy: i dunno, seems a little outta focus ...

<scream>

+ all of the above ...

hilarious movie - best thing about this film is that its cheap as hell to buy on DVD, one of the best comedies ever.

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[–] j_mcglashan 19 years ago

"I'm detective Colt and this is detective Luger"

"Hello detective Loser"

"No - thats 'Luger'"

"oh i'm sorry - 'detective Lugi'"

"I have many leather bound books and my flat smells of rich mahogony..."

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[–] dave1033a 19 years ago

I watched this this again the other night, this film is sooo funny.

One of my best bits is when Colt enters Lugers house a la lethal weapon 2. He bursts into the bathroom where we see Luger on the toilet reading a magazine.

Colt : What's wrong?

Luger looks up from his magazine

Luger : Nuthin, just takin a *beep*

Another great bit is when they are going into the wilderness girls building for the first time and Colt is telling Luger about his time under General morters in vietnam.

Colt : he was my CO in nam, he then left the for the CIA but then went MIA and the LAPD but out an APB.

Or something like that but this film is a classic and should be in every film fans DVD collection

One more bit is when Luger follows the buck toothed girl in the wilderness girl building and he imitates her (cracks me up everytime)

I am actually laughing while thinking about this

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[–] AldoTheApache 19 years ago

The whole part at the end with them headbanging to Bohemian Rhapsody kills me everytime.

I C U P beneath the tree... ;)

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[–] bapgamer44 19 years ago

The whole store shooting in the beginning, hilarious.

Don't Shoot lettum Burn

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[–] 19 years ago

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[–] Lathindin 19 years ago

Can’t believe no one has posted this one.

I can't remember it to the last detail, but I will try...

It's where Mr. Jigsaw is holding Colt hostage in a hallway, and Luger comes..

Mr. Jigsaw: "Drop your gun Mr. Luger"
Luger: I don't have one
Mr. Jigsaw: Your not carrying a weapon????
Luger: No...
Mr. Jigsaw: (kicks a gun to him)
Mr. Jigsaw: Pick the gun up
Luger: (Picks it up)
Mr. Jigsaw: "Drop the gun Mr. Luger"
(Something like that)

Also

Mr. Jigsaw is holding a gun to Sgt. Colt's head]
Colt: Who are you?
Mr. Jigsaw: I'm your worst nightmare.
Colt: No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.
Mr. Jigsaw: Okay, allright, so I'm not actually your worst nightmare. But I am right up there.

And the scene where Colt and Luger is going up the stairs to get more information about the york case.
They are on the 3th or 4th floor, they see a man running..
Luger: HEY YOU..
(The man stops)
Luger: Not so fast.
(The man starts walking)
Luger: Thats better....

Becker: Tell me the truth, am I going to be okay?
Luger: Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,, you will be back on your feet in no time..
(A paramedic closes the body bag)
LOL!

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[–] that_1_dude83 19 years ago

"These matches say 'you're lying'"
*pulls out a match book with "YOU'RE LYING!" on the inside*

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[–] joeboy68 19 years ago

I like it when he sneaks into the wearhouse, and the two guards are speaking german, and then Colt trips over the subtitles

I love his house, it looks all trashy, then on the inside it huge.

i love the sceen when they are in the car and then Luger says:
"Hold on, i think we are bein followed"
then two guys randomly appear in the back seat then Luger does a sharp U-turn and the guys disappear. i love it!!

Proud member of H.A.T.E

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[–] ransax 19 years ago

GRATUITOUS BEAVER SHOT

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[–] pclk 19 years ago

Tim Curry as a girl scout: "Twoop leadwer says vee are not meeting our quoowta"

Scotty keeping the coffee machine working. RIP James Doohan.

Luger: Don't look we're beiing followed.
*two guys in ski masks appear in the back seat*
Luger:I'm going to try losing them, *does a handbrake turn*
*guys in ski masks vanish*
Colt: Nice drivin'

Miss Demeanour:Colt, where are you going?
Colt:Nowhere, just taking one of those "unmotivated, butt-in-the-moonbeam" walks.

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[–] bj_arni 19 years ago

The initre movie was hilarious. The film didin't have one scene that I couldin't stop laughing at.

"It's a Kodak Moment"
www.ibs-entertainment.tk
www.slasherdome2.cjb.net

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[–] redemption37927 19 years ago

gratuitous beaver shot...

...which, by the way, does anyone know where I can find a pic of that? it'd be a good oddball item to have on my desktop

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[–] huntley0431 19 years ago

Colt rips off his arm: "Grenade, during a love connection taping."

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[–] kevin-730 19 years ago

After Colt and Miss Demeanor "do it", she cries. He thinks it has something to do with him being a loner, but she says "No, I just realized that now that we've done this, and becaus eI know the villain, I'm going to die."
And Colt says "Some things are worth dying for." I lost it when I saw that.

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[–] djvexx05 19 years ago

cant beleive no1 has mentioned the whole head and shoulders bit that had me laughing for ages

Luger: what you got earl

earl: dont no maybe dry skin or dandruff

Luger: here try this (hands earl head and shoulders)

earl: head and shoulders....but sarge you dont have dandruff

Luger: I KNOW (and then he puts his thumb up)

i'm not sure if the other mans name was earl or not i just thoughtit was :s

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[–] siriusblkfan4lif 19 years ago

"Nothingggg.... Nothinggggggg.... NOTHINGGGGGGAH!"

"These matches say you're lying."

"Do you sleep in the nude?"
"Only when I'm naked."

"I thought this was the sequel."

"I'm giving it all she's got captain, if i push it any harder the whole thing'll blow!"

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[–] 19 years ago

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[–] thereisnospoon16 19 years ago

the whole scene with "Life is very short, and there is no time for fussing and fighting my friend"

it is just so awesome how he says it, it got stuck in my head and it was killing me that I couldnt remember what movie it was from, now I remember and I am satisfied. awesome scene, great line delivery.

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[–] lassehendrichsen 19 years ago

i wonder how everybody can forget the scene where " hannibal lector copy" asks colt to think back to remember who the villan is.

lector : think back in time you know this man.
Estevez thinks back to a moment where he is kissing with another man.
lector : no not him.it was during the vietnam war.
again he thinks back to a time where he was making love with another man.
lector : no not him either you dissapoint me.
it was general mortars.
estevez : wait a minute i never.....
lector : i dident mean that sort of relationship.

its a fact.... we will all die...........sorry

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[–] Stein-e 19 years ago

(a guy run's done the hotel stairs)

Luger: Don't so fast

(the guy starts walking)

Luger: Taht's better

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[–] solidgameboy12-1 18 years ago

The humorously Inappropriate Dr. Joyce Brothers during the Crime Scene Investigation:

"This loser has taken the Chicken-S**t way out and punched her own ticket."

Bossa Nova Awesome!

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[–] kmctweek 18 years ago

Samuel jackson: (To sammy the witness) Come with us! We'll protect you.
Sammy: *Shot by an assasin before he joins them8
Estevez: I guess that's the last time he'll trust a cop.

and

"I think we're being followed"

GANG WAR!!

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[–] howellsy 18 years ago

'Coffee, Ted?'
'Ted's from a dysfunctional family.'
Oh.... so no coffee.'

I don't know why, but I crack up every time I hear that.

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[–] shelkara 18 years ago

Colt: What brought you here?

Destiny: A cab!

Colt, holding up sign and spelling it out: No, I mean Why the hell did you come here?

Also:

Tim Curry: Soon, Ms. York, you will be begging me for mercy!
Whoopi: No, no -- I'll beg now.

Hee!

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[–] Telescope-HF 18 years ago

Haha that first one you mentioned is so awesome

My favorite:

Colt: Who the hell are you?
Tim Curry: I'm your worst nightmare...
Colt: No, my worst nightmare is waking up without my penis...
Tim Curry: OK, so I'm not your worst nightmare, but I'm pretty bad!

The room is *beep* evil!-1408

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[–] niallgallagher84 18 years ago

Mine is

Tim Curry: " i have been waiting for this monent" as he gets up of the chair with the small tv beside it.

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