MovieChat Forums > General Discussion > pronoun adoptions (not political, about ...

pronoun adoptions (not political, about real people using them)


what sort of adoption rates do you have around you, and maybe what is your general world location? out of curiosity.

talking about people expecting you to call them they/them/his/her/she/he/it/fluid/pan/lgbt/cis/omni/whatever.

I'm in the center of north america and I see nearly zero influence of it. sometimes I process emails and catch a signature where a company has suggested they can put their "Pronouns" in there, and I see maybe 1 in a 1000 that say Gern Blaston (He/his/they/them/cis)

nor has it EVER arisen in front of me in real life, in any situation.

what are you all seeing in the wild out there?
does anyone care, or has this fad tanked already? the latest ebonics?

reply

I've only seen it exclusively online and in the media. Ergo, in the world of fakery. Never in the real world.

reply

Exactly this. ^^^

reply

I identify as an identity thief.

My pronouns are you/yours.

reply

That's pretty clever, Samoa. :)

reply

I have never met anyone that have requested that specific pronouns be used - ‘Sunny’ Bournemouth, South coast of England.

reply

I work in the arts, and with younger people. It is common when starting a new show having the cast introduce themselves with names and preferred pronouns, and that is it. It's not usually brought up again.

I just think of it as the name I go by is not my legal name, when I'm introduced to someone with my legal name, I say I go by this, and I shouldn't have to keep telling people that.

reply

Wait, so sslssg isn't your real name?

reply

Ha ha.

But no. In all seriousness, and this is something that I've mentioned here before, I have childhood trauma that's attached to my legal name. I have chosen to go by a shortened version of it since I was in my early teens. I still have people in my life who couldn't be bothered to call me by the name that doesn't hurt when I hear it. It was too much of a bother for them. I was told they were just used to it, and why does it matter. My reply was that I had been asking them for over 30 years to call me what I prefer, if they weren't used to it, that's not my fault. I no longer will be nice, and I will not respond to my legal name. I wish my name didn't hurt me, and with a lot of therapy it doesn't really any more. Honestly now, it's others refusal to not cause me pain, that gets my hackles up. I don't want to cause someone else pain by refusing to make a slight change that makes no difference in my life like those people couldn't do for me.

reply

All that you have said here has really made me think differently about this subject. Thank you.

reply

Thank you for being open.

When it comes to the topic of pronouns, everyone seems to make it about themselves, when it really isn't. It's about the person who wants to be known by something different. We don't know their story, and by making it about us and not them, we could be hurting them. We don't have to get it, we don't even have to agree, but I really live by not causing others hurt.

reply

it's literally about ourselves. (not talking about your REAL NAME issue)

unless everyone plans on tattooing their specific desired pronouns directly on to their own foreheads, there is no way the world will know what people preferred to be referenced by, other than first glance at their average sex.

I will never call a single person a "they/them" unless they are know for Multiple Personality Disorder. people don't get to alter global vocabulary on their faddish whims.

reply

It isn't about you, you are making it about you. If someone asks you to please call them they, and you refuse to do it, that is your issue, not theirs. They will still be a they. You not calling them they, will not change that.
They as a singular isn't anything new to the English language, so no one is changing global vocabulary.

reply

I have no problem calling people whatever they want. It’s just as much effort either way.

reply

It really does seem like a small thing to do to make a person feel accepted and comforted.

reply

And yet many people just couldn't be bothered.

reply

its an obvious majority thing. even based on the responses in this tiny thread

reply

Yes, that doesn't mean that it's the right thing to do.

Here's the thing. You have said that it has never arisen in your life. You have yet to encounter one person who would like to be referred to as something else. So it's obviously not a huge portion of the population asking you to do something. I would hope that if you do ever encounter someone, that you just treat them with respect.

reply

absolutely, positively, I treat all people with respect.
But, if I meet someone and they ask me to call them a tree, or a rock, this isn't happening. We probably won't cross paths anymore after that anyway, but I will not enable their lunacy.

Lunacy enablement is a huge problem right now, and I don't partake of it.

reply

There is no correlation between someone not wanting to be called she or he and someone asking you to call them a tree. Most people who want to ditch the pronouns are not trans.

reply

doesn't matter. there's no need to overcomplicate life. there's many reasons to UNcomplicate it though

reply

And this is you making it all about you. You don't want to be inconvenienced, and you don't care if you may be causing someone else pain. That is the only point I'm making here.

reply

my first reply said it: it's literally about ourselves.

YOU don't get to tell others what to do. that will never work, no sense fretting over it.

I treat people well, but they cant tell ME to call them a tree.

it's literally about ourselves.

reply

No they can't, just like I couldn't tell anyone to call me by my preferred name. It was about themselves. They made that perfectly clear. And they didn't care how much it would hurt me. You don't have to call anyone anything that you don't to. I guess I just don't really understand why someone would be so willing to cause someone else pain or discomfort over something so small. I really don't get it.

reply

they wouldn't willingly cause some one pain.

an obvious woman steps up to pay and the guy says, "Thanks, miss" and she gets all pissed off and yells, "IT'S MR., buddy!" that is not the guys problem, to live in delusionary world, he was just being respectful by saying thanks.... her (his? wtf) reaction is not based in the reality of being human, but some fucked up fantasy that no one outside or her/him has to deal with. its not OUR problem.

This is Earth. This is truth. This is how life really is.
Not how we WISH or FEEL it should be, but how it actually is.

reply

That is a different situation where someone has been rude to you. But if you said "thanks miss" (which actually isn't something that most women like to be called btw) and the person said, "you're welcome, but please don't call me miss, I prefer _____" and you say I'm not going to call you ______. You could be hurting them. What if they actually were a man? Would it not be fine for them to say something then?

If someone is rude or aggressive with their pronouns, then you have a right to be rude back. But to just say to someone "You're delusional, I'm not going to take part in your fucked up fantasy" just because they wish to use "they/them" instead of "she/her", then yeah, I think that is your problem.

You seem to think that everyone who wishes to be "They/Them" is trans. At least that's the impression I get. They could just be someone who feels that gender roles aren't for them. You don't know their story. You say that you would be respectful, but you haven't shown that at all.

You are talking about truth again. Which truth? How is it really?

Not how we WISH or FEEL it should be, but how it actually is.
If that were true we would all still be living in caves. Or under brutal kings. Change happens because of how we wish things could be.

Once more, you have not encountered a person who uses different pronouns. You are assuming the worst case scenario, and you are angry about it. This place seems to be obsessed with trans people, and how they are forcing themselves down everyone's throats. Where are they? Is there any one here who has identified themselves as trans? I mean honestly. Please show me where an actual trans person has tried to force you to accept anything.

You think that being rude to someone over something that they struggle with wouldn't cause them any pain? I really feel for you, and your apparent lack of empathy. It's just a name, or a pronoun. Do you insist on calling Vin Diesel Mark? Do you insist on calling Nikki Minaj, Onika?
Will I see you calling Reese Witherspoon Laura? If not then you are fine calling people names that are different than what they were born with.

reply

Not exactly the same, but I recall Quentin Tarantino saying that one of his regrets is that he used "Tarantino" as his professional name. He didn't get along with his father and said that he would have preferred to use his mother's maiden name.

reply

Quentin McHugh?

reply

I think so. Funny enough, I don't think he got along with her either.

reply

I’ve seen interviews where he talked about growing up in a single mom household. I don’t recall any bitterness though. He said one of her boyfriends was a black guy who took him to seedy theaters to see films like Superfly and Coffy an the early 70’s. That’s where he acquired his love for the Blaxploitation genre.

reply

That's probably how he also acquired his love for a certain word.

reply

Well, that’s probably when he first became comfortable saying it. Among certain groups it’s thrown around without a thought. I think he grew up in a neighborhood where it was commonly used.

reply

Martin Sheen regrets using a stage name. He never did change his name though. So his driver's license still says Ramon Estevez. I remember him saying in an interview that is has caused him some issue with pay, and taxes, and such.

reply

So far walking around on Vancouver Island in BC Canada, it has never come up.

As an old white dude though I move in circles where this sort of stuff is irrelevant. It would be different I think in places such as university campuses, work places (trendy coffee shops? certain tech environments?) that consider themselves 'woke', etc.

reply

Very little. I've seen some in email signatures and in social media profiles.

reply

Its now a thing in the corporate world too. I see it as catering to a small population of the gender non-conforming who seem to be obsessed with their own care & feeding, will it catch on ? We'll see.

reply

I to have seen corporate memos with suggestions.... and almost zero adoption at my place of work. A lot of effort by HR, for no actual interest. Just checking those boxes.

reply

I’ve met several very young people who have a preference. I can’t quite always keep it straight but I’m trying and luckily they seem to understand when I slip up…it’s an adjustment!

reply

In my youth, people bought PET ROCKS. It was cool for a brief time. Then they all moved on. :)

reply