my father used to beat me up when i was a kid

"he used to drink a lot but oddly he never abused me when he was drunk"

I once read that alcoholics are increasingly more irritable during times of sobriety. That could explain that apparent paradox.

We stopped beating kids, in the name of trying to be kinder and gentler. The intentions behind this was soft-hearted, and it also bred the sort of reprobates who tore our cities asunder during the George Floyd riots, to say nothing of the yahoos who are calling for trigger warnings on university campuses around the country

I never had regular spankings/beatings but my dad would throw stuff when he got mad. My mom would mention that her father would spank her with the vacuum cleaner cord and I foolishly told her that a vacuum cord wouldn't hurt. She hit me ONCE with a cord and that scared me straight.

Do you now believe in spanking children who misbehave? Did the spankings make you a more disciplined person? I would generally not spank kids BUT some problem children might need the spankings to bring about good behavior. The bible does encourage discipline for children but this is a debate that is ongoing.

https://biblereasons.com/spanking-children/ * Bible verses promoting discipline *

https://www.wral.com/spanking-is-ineffective-and-harmful-to-children-pediatricians-group-says/17971668/#:~:text=Benjamin%20Spock%20said%20spanking%20“is,doctors%20do%20not%20support%20it.

Same here, though my dad is still alive and we've made amends.

There has been a cycle of.. anger problems on his side of the family, including myself. I can't really say that I've "forgiven" him as he's never really apologized, but I realize that he was also raised by a cruel asshole and it was just part of the cycle of abuse.

My dad wasn't a drinker, but his dad was an abusive alcoholic that eventually bailed on his family(6 girls and 2 boys), and my dad was left to take over the "man of the house" responsibilities at a young age. My dad was also bullied horribly as a child, and after knowing all the abuse he's suffered, I've just come to accept the fact that he's simply void of human emotion. He is just broken.

I don't even know why my parents had me. I'm an only child and pretty sure that I was a mistake, as neither of my parents really posses any type of maternal instincts. My mom has always loved me, but she is also complicit in standing by during times that I literally pleaded with her to leave my dad, tears pouring from my eyes after he beat me. She just pretended everything was fine.

I never had kids, as the thought of being a father has always terrified me and Ive also been in and out of mental health programs/facilities my entire life.. So I guess I've broken the chain, so to speak.

I hope this helps you in some way. Just wanted to share that because you're definitely not alone. If you are going through it, don't be afraid to reach out to someone. There is no shame in asking for help or even just reaching out to a friend to talk about it.

If my kid didn’t know how to use CAPS I’d spank him too!

How broad of a problem do you imagine this is ... i.e parental incompetence or abuse.
I'm not going to talk about it, but there were good families and bad families in my
experience growing up. I lived in a bad family.

The more I think about it the more I realize how every single human institution has
been corrupted and broken. I think they ought to have children raised together with
parents who have passed aptitude and skills tests where every child is raised in a
supportive, standard with lots of parents and people they can talk to for the rest of
their lives.

What we are doing now is breaking people so they fit into the destructive molds that
are destroying the planet. There is too much to being a human being to rely on idiots
who cannot control their breeding to create the next generations.

Sorry for this basic reply, but I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry it's so normalized. My father abused my mother and older sister, but we left before he moved down the line to me. He didn't make much of an appearance in our lives after that until very recently, when he almost died of covid in combination with other failing health issues. He's in recovery and wants to mend our relationship, but since we never had one, there's no mending to be done so I just ignore his calls mostly.

Just finished this damn good movie which very effectively deals with this subject.
https://moviechat.org/tt6539992/Embattled It's probably the best performance I've seen from Stephen Dorff.