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I am a little too shy of pretty girls and ladies. Is that normal? And what to do about it?

posted 3 years ago by TheMan18 (13188)
78 replies | jump to latest

Hi, yes its true.

Whether they are at work, on the streets or in shops etc etc etc, I am a little too shy of them. As a guy who will soon on 1st of October be 35 years old. Is that normal?

And I speak to my mother about it and had spoken to some of my colleagues about the subject.

Let's say I also worked as a driver or someone and a beautiful girl was next to me, I will be no doubt shy and not know how to be around her.

There are some and other exceptions of course even in this related field. But for the most part, I cannot help but feel this way and I don't know as well as wonder what I can do about it, hope its alright.

Cheers. Even though I have absolutely NO idea how people will respond over here. And this is also coming from a guy who wondered if we treat men and women differently in provocative ideas based on certain films and scenes I've seen and was told off for it on multiple occasions, HAHAHA, but this is a very DIFFERENT case scenario. And I have nothing against them generally even in THOERY, but I am shy.

And I like to think that I do not suffer from a beautiful female phobia, hahaha, whatever that word that I forgot its called, thank you.

[–] Quasimodo (16388) 3 years ago

Become rich, handsome and confident.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

That will be a long time future planning, at the moment, not a chance, and this shyness is more a psychological thing based on everything I've described including me being a Russian in UK.

[–] Quasimodo (16388) 3 years ago

Just do it ! And a big dick wouldn't hurt either.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

OK, as for the latter part please, let's keep the "intimate details" even in theory and even as metaphors please to ourselves, but cheers for attempts at an advice.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

I could've also said as a semi-joke I am afraid of them including what they might do to me, lol, but I'd rather spare you all the potential "horror" of my mostly dead bored mental state haha besides Americans and Europeans, and no offense to anyone of course, will always have a snappy come back.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

I feel a little bit like the male singer of this great song "Cherry Blossom Girl" by Air - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQONxOIPPuI

Except I'm not even in love like in the narrative of that song, from their 2004 album "Talkie Walkie".

And yes I've seen the video with the Japanese chick in it.

[–] yatzo376 (7753) 3 years ago

Make believe you’re Sean Connery in Thunderball

[–] NotoriousRio (12927) 3 years ago

No Time To Dry

[–] blue1981 (8190) 3 years ago

I don't feel normal around any women who believes she has power and control over you because of her looks. If I can go out to any place and women approach me I tend to believe they are full of shit.

[–] NitroHangover (1143) 3 years ago

I read that and what I take away from it is that you are extremely insecure about yourself, and very distrustful of women because you are extremely insecure about yourself.

I suspect you have some issues. Go find someone to talk to.

[–] blue1981 (8190) 3 years ago

I've been in therapy for almost three years but it doesn't change how I feel that women have total autonomy over dating and sex. I may want it but that power is in her hands to say yes or no and I have no control of that interaction. That's power.

[–] NitroHangover (1143) 3 years ago

OK, well that's not how you feel. That is the actual state of reality in regards to sexual politics. That power is in her hands to say yes or no, and at some point you're going to have to try and come to terms with it, or be miserable forever. Let me break it down for you...

80% of women only really lust after the top 10% of attractive/tall/powerful/rich men. At the same time, they receive constant compliments, validation, ego-boosts, and attention from men every time they post a selfie on social media. This is true even if they are average, or even well below average in physical attractiveness.

80% of men receive next to no attention from women, and are left to try and pursue women they find attractive, even though they're not at top-tier levels of attractiveness/height/power/wealth.

So it's not easy to be a man in the dating game, today. The fact is that we want most of them way more than they want most of us, and they know that. So yes, they generally have complete power over dating and sex, and most of us are basically reduced to being beggars and hustlers.

But what's the alternative? Rape? I would like to assume that you're not that guy. So start hustling! Find a niche. Be the funny guy, or the charming guy, or have a cool car, or a very masculine job, or be the chivalrous guy. There are plenty of individual qualities that certain segments of women will melt over.

They ultimately have the power to say yes or no, and that will not and should not change. Get used to it, and you'll be much happier.

[–] blue1981 (8190) 3 years ago

What's to get use to? You either beg like a fool or don't try at all. I assume all women look at me like an asshole. It's either that or be the dude with no spine. You tell me that women are the oppressed class and yet have all the control of men's sexuality. You will never convince otherwise we are not the true oppressed class in this country not those who wear a fucking skirt.

[–] NitroHangover (1143) 3 years ago

What's to get use to? You either beg like a fool or don't try at all.

No, you can also hustle. Develop qualities that women are attracted to.

I assume all women look at me like an asshole.

Yeah, that's because you have issues with how you see yourself. Gotta work on yourself, man. Therapy is a good start.

It's either that or be the dude with no spine.

What does that mean? How would you envision your dating life being different if you were allowed to "have a spine?" What, you'd just walk up to a woman you liked, claim her as yours, club her over the head and drag her back to your cave? I know that's not what you mean, so what do you mean?

You tell me that women are the oppressed class and yet have all the control of men's sexuality. You will never convince otherwise we are not the true oppressed class in this country not those who wear a fucking skirt.

They don't have all the control over "men's sexuality." They have all the control over their individual participation in our sexuality, i.e. their own sexuality.

And I do agree that women are very privileged over men in many ways that no one ever seems to talk about or acknowledge, but that seems like an entirely different conversation.

[–] blue1981 (8190) 3 years ago

This all part of the conversation of Female Privilege. They have the power to say yes or no of any interaction and that is control over a man’s sexuality.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

"80% of women only really lust after the top 10% of attractive/tall/powerful/rich men."

90% of men only really lust after the top 10% of attractive women. You know, the young, slim, good-looking ones.

[–] NitroHangover (1143) 3 years ago

90% of men only really lust after the top 10% of attractive women. You know, the young, slim, good-looking ones.

I'd have to disagree with you there. That top 10% of the most attractive women may be the ones men lust after the most, but 80% of men lust after about the top 60% of attractive women.

I remember reading a study once, and I admit it was probably like ten years ago, but they studied all these profiles of men and women from on-line dating sites. Women had like ten times the amount of "requirements" for men they'd be interested in, compared to what men listed as their standards for women. It was surprising because we always hear about how men supposedly have these impossible beauty standards for women, but it's just not true. Women are way more selective and demanding in their romantic standards than men are.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

Both sexes are, of course, capable of compromising their standards, because they live in the real world and can't get a member of the sexual elite.

And both are totally of mentally abusing their partner and making them feel miserable and inferior, for not being that 10%-er hottie they really wanted.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

"I've been in therapy for almost three years but it doesn't change how I feel that women have total autonomy over dating and sex."

Everyone has total autonomy over their own dating and sex life, men and women.

Not unlimited autonomy, nobody has the right to demand and receive what they want from other humans, but everyone has the right to refuse what they *don't* want, for any reason. You have the right to reject anyone or any activity, women have the right to reject anyone or any activity. It's not fun, but it's fair in a way, and if you can't deal with other people having personal autonomy then you have far larger problems than the dating thing, you have problems adjusting to being a member of the human race.

[–] NitroHangover (1143) 3 years ago

I've read several of your threads, and I just... don't know how to communicate with you, because you're very weird.

Yes, it's normal to be shy and intimidated around beautiful girls. That's normal.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

I really give the impression by my posts and threads that I am really weird?

[–] AndyKing1967 (39859) 3 years ago

Yes.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

Awwwwwwwwwwww. :) :) :) :) :)

[–] AndyKing1967 (39859) 3 years ago

Sorry.

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

Me too (in this day and age of hashtags and digital media, no pun intended.)

[–] AndyKing1967 (39859) 3 years ago

Now that was funny.

[–] CreosoteXmp37 (294) 3 years ago

FWIW, I believe that there is a subtle and involuntary "trying too hard" vibe that is given off even if one does their damndest to preempt such a thing.

I remember feeling awkward and reserved, overcompensating really, in an attempt to be friendly but not wolfish or cocksure toward women. I'm sure my "vibe" as seen/sensed outwardly was different from the one I wanted to present.

After reuniting with a woman I knew from decades past, it developed into a romantic relationship. A strange phenomenon I began to note going forward: Women were initiating conversation with me. While not exactly throwing themselves at me, did show much much more readiness to interact with me. I recall no such different "vibe" I was giving out since before the relationship, but it must have been there nonetheless. In turn, the fact I had a GF must have imbued me with an "I don't really give a damn" attitude when in the presence of women I would have been heretofore attracted to.

[–] NotoriousRio (12927) 3 years ago

Be a badass like Willie Nelson, he saw himself as a Highwayman with a sword and pistol at his side, or be like Kris Kristofferson who oozed confidence because he saw himself as a sailor, just don’t do a Johnny Cash and pretend to be a Starship Captain, that’s just overkill!

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

can he be a dam builder like waylon?

[–] NotoriousRio (12927) 3 years ago

Or just a damn builder? 😁

[–] [deleted] 3 years ago

what about "unpretty" women?

[–] TheMan18 (13188) 3 years ago

I'm just OK here but wouldn't want to discriminate in any way plus beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[–] Otter (24464) 3 years ago

Can I ask if you ever talk to women you don't find particularly attractive, just to be friendly? That might be a way to get over your shyness, and maybe make friends in real life.

[–] mikethemartian (7001) 3 years ago

Really all you need to know is in this video:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tZQQGX24Teg