MovieChat Forums > Zombieland (2009) Discussion > why would a woman choose Columbus?

why would a woman choose Columbus?

posted 14 years ago by conangirl
122 replies | jump to latest

i'm an athletic alpha female.. and the last person i would be attracted to would be some cerebral, non athletic, geeky/virgin type with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. There are some "cute" qualities about the kid - but, not enough to be attracted to..

As a basic female, i would be all over Tallahassee.. He's definitely ALPHA, HOT, again, he's HOT, tough, muscular, strong, brave, kind of crazy, definitely a survivalist, and with procreation in mind - the ability to have children who might have a better chance of survival...versus a gamer who is afraid of clowns..and a virgin..

The moment Tallahassee would have asked me to take off his boots? that wouldn't have been the only thing i would have taken off..

[–] Beauty_Of_Buckshot 14 years ago

I think she falls in love with him because she's NOT AS SHALLOW AS YOU... probably...

[–] VaticanAssassinWarlock 13 years ago

We have a winner. ^^^

[–] QuietScreamer 14 years ago

I wonder who's gonna last longer...

Goals
Tallahassee: Kill as many zombies in as many different ways as possible, Eat Twinkies (which one of these two comes first is up for debate).
Columbus: Survival, Sex.

Methods
T: Frequently puts himself in unnecessary danger to try new ways of killing zombies, tends to waste ammo.
C: Keeps a list of rules that he follows (almost) without exception, did not hesitate to shoot Bill Murray.

Background
T: Skilled marksman, Redneck.
C: Nerd.

Achievements
T: Huge kill count, Zombie Kill of the Week runner-up.
C: Survived his first zombie encounter alone and unarmed.

Cheap Shots
Tallahassee's children have a survival rate of zero.
Coincidentally, Columbus' sperm also have a survival rate of zero.

Conclusion
To be fair, anyone who has survived the zombie apocalypse alone for as long as these two have is clearly someone to be reckoned with.
My money's on the nerd.

Today is a Good Day for You to Die!

[–] Snickg78 14 years ago

I understand the narrow-minded view of the OP, but I think you're right. When it comes down to it, brawn can be developed, but if you're a brainless thrill-seeker from word go, you're going to F-up along the way and probably take those around you down as well. It's interesting to note that 3 of the 4 survivors in this movie are intelligent and Woody's just lucky. Still F'in hilarious, though.

[–] justcallmedave 14 years ago

Wow QuietScreamer.. forget whatever point I was going to make.. you just made it..

I think something else to bare in mind.. this isn't just "let's procreate" they are still living in a world of blood thirsty zombies.. I'm not totally sure that procreation is on anyone's mind..

something that is probably more in demand is the feeling of normalcy.. a little bit of calm.. no excitement.. considering night and day you are only trying to survive..

most woman who go for the alpha male do so because they want to go on an "adventure".. they want to be taken along for this guy's "ride".. experience the things that they wouldn't normally get to have..

also OP.. if you really are an alpha female.. and youre dating an alpha male.. to my understanding.. that can't really last.. if you both feel the need to be leaders and "at the top of the food chain".. that relationship isn't going to work.. one of you isn't the alpha figure you think..

but anyone who says that Tallahasee is insane.. good call.. that insanity would just amplify all the other crazy in the world leading to a definite unattraction..

[–] surfercharlie25 14 years ago

I'm a guy, first of all, so keep in mind that this is coming from a (straight) guy's viewpoint.

I would argue that Tallahassee is the OPPOSITE of a survivalist. He's more like Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon, a loose cannon with a death wish. He's not trying to survive, he's trying to show off how "macho" he is. Besides, survivalists are usually nutsy cuckoo. If that's the kind of guy you want to be with, you go ahead.

Besides, alpha males make me laugh. It's like they're so scared of actually having, oh, I don't know, FEELINGS, that they feel like they have to be WAY overly masculine to cover up for themselves.

And, as others have posted, if this situation were real, Tallahassee would probably die (or be zombiefied) WAY before the others. He's way too much of a loose cannon and puts himself into way too many dangerous situations for no good reason. One needs enough brains to not only know how to get out of danger, but to STAY out of danger, and that's what Columbus has. Wichita, being a con artist (a method of crime which requires a lot, and I mean A LOT, of brains), would know the value of knowledge and logic over brute force.

Besides, Tallahassee is, what, fifty? Wichita is in her early twenties? Need I say more?

"...and you can't come because you DON'T SPEAK FRENCH!"

[–] meltzercool 14 years ago

conangirl, i don't think you have a strong grasp on the intricacies of attraction. We aren't animals (at least not on an emotional/psychological level). While some woman are attracted to the "alpha male" type, others operate beyond the biological desire to hook up with the "hawt", ultra-masculine dudes. Most woman look for deeper levels of compatiblilty...like intelligence, sincerity, and feelings lol. Nerdy guys seem to possess a lot of those qualities. Besides, there aren't many true alpha males out there. Most are somewhere in between with both brains/brauns.

Of course, I'm a guy and my analysis could be completely off target.

[–] SilverIce92 13 years ago

I like both sufercharlie25 and meltzercool's response. I wish I can give you guys "like" for your comments.

[–] wiiztec 13 years ago

conangirl wouldn't exist in zombieland

[–] grrrdevin 13 years ago

I'm really impressed you managed to capture the essence of a stereotypical "shallow slut" archetype. You should write a book about one.

"I've been living on toxic waste for years, and I'm fine. Just ask my other heads!"

[–] AceofSpades777 13 years ago

ITT: OP is a terrible person who's boyfriend uses her for sex and doesn't really care about her

[–] davie4u 13 years ago

Congratulations on being so stereotypical!

[–] 13 years ago

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[–] 13 years ago

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[–] tryanhas09 13 years ago

Options are limited.

"You suck."
- Sue Sylvester