hahaha, man, what would we be without good old Stephen. The dude makes me laugh!. And it's not only Stephen, all the action actors are out of business. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Van Damme, you name it.. I think the American public is finally fed up with shitty stories about raging heroes from out of space. Oh, the funny thing is, in this time of dying action actors, we get our first real action actor! :P. I am talking about the Dutch Ron Smoorenburg! he has Super high kicks - up to 11' (7.96 m). And he's even worse than Seagal and all the others! so be ware and stay away from Dutch mindless action flicks!. Smoorenburg is the dude who fights Jacky Chan on the roof in Whoami? I must add the I like the martial arts better than just plain gun shooting muslce power. Suggestions for mindless action flick titles:
Plain gun shooting muscle power
Seagal finds out Adam Sandler isn't funny, he decides to punish America for this terrible tragedy and buys a gun at the local quick-e-mart. The local shopholder (Dolph Lundgren) is out to stop Seagal in his evil plans (he wants to kill everyone in Iowa) and he kills every innocent bystander he sees to make seagal stop. Who will win this battle of the taugh?.
Dude, were's my shotgun?
Seagall and Stallone wake up after a wild night and are unpleasantly surprised when they see that their gunrack had been plundered. This must be the work of Hugh Grant! follow the two as they go on a trip to England to kill a lot of British dudes for no reason!. With Don "the dragon" Wilson as cannon fodder at the end of the movie.
Out for bullets
Even Seagal runs out of bullets sometime, what he doesn't know is that his neighbour (played by Jennifer Lopez) is an evil bitch who planned to blow up the whole world! MUHAHAHA it's up to Seagal to get a new supply of bullets and get home in time to stop the evil Lopez from blowing up the world and to stop her from marrying another hollywood sod. Ben Affleck, are you just plain stupid or does she has like 1000 dollar bills in her *beep* or something?
Hard to Miss
Seagal gets kidnapped and is being put into a room from which he cleverly escapes by opening the door. The hunt is on!! follow 250 handicapped hunters with blurry vision as they try to shoot down seagal from a 3 feet distance. WHen the hunters hunt on Seagal, he himself is out for his own quest. And will he find a snackbar in time to prevent him from losing weight? Rent this movie and you will never be able to think in a normal way again.. no you will never be able to think in any way again.
The A-team Revisited
A team of triggerhappy bastards is out to help you!, men/woman who is in serious need for trouble. With Seagal as leader, Michael Clarke Duncan as "fool" the gold man with black jewelry. And of course with Chuck Norris as the insane helicopter pilot, and Danny deVito as "the face" the handsome guy who gets all things done with the girls. And watch out for his nutkicks too!. They need to protect a Planet Hollywood restaurant from the evil Schwarzenegger, who wants to eat there (like he thinks he owns the place or something? sheesh!). Will they keep arnie out the door? will they keep the public indoors? I know I will stay inside the cinema to watch how this blockbusting action goodie will end!.
I am so Mad!
Chuck Norris is mad! he's so mad that he hires Richard Dean Anderson to MacGyver him an atomic bomb! Norris needs to collect the nessecairy ingredients to build an atomic bomb (A pocket knife, some wood, a glass of water and some foam) mechanic Stephen Seagal is also mad, that he doesn't has anything to do with this film that he decides to stop Norris and eat some pizza. Will he stop Norris? and will he eat pizza? and will Richard Dean Anderson have a new movie career after this movie? Watch this movie to find out.
The Flying Seagull
Zen master Seagal dies from eating a bad brownie and reincarnates as a seagull. He has only one goal in his life, *beep* on all the people that has said bad things about his movie. Will I get hit by the evil *beep* seagal seagull? follow me, Jeroen Besseling as I go on a wild goose chase for the reincarnated seagal. Watch me as I go on a frenzy killing of unexpecting seagulls throughout europe. Will I kill seagal in time? and in time for what? With cameo's from Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, and Jean Claude van Damme as mindless people who get *beep* on themselves. And with the voice of Stephen Seagal ass the flying seagull. Oh and directed by me, Jeroen "I have a shotgun, therefore I rule the world" Besseling. And of course I shoot the stephen seagal dying and reincarnating part at the end, so that I can use real bullits. And the world will be saved from misery!
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