Things I Learned From Deep Impact

1. Observatories don't have phones, so astonishing discoveries must be communicated in person or using a pay phone miles away.

2. Always drive like a lunatic on meth when you need to inform others about something one year from now.

3. There will be no significant reaction from billions of people around the planet when they hear that the world may literally end in 12 months. Everyone on Earth will do everything the same as the always do for most of the year.

4. It's best to convince all citizens that "everything will be OK" by calling the spaceship set out to divert the comet "The Messiah," which specifically means mass death and potential resurrection for select few.

5. 99.9999% of the world will be indifferent and pay no attention to the launch of the Messiah, with no celebrations or mass rituals/prayers/vigils.

6. Whenever President Morgan Freeman speaks, no one around the country speaks a single word ... Or even react in the slightest way.

7. No one will react to an announcement that only a very small percentage of people will be selected for special government shelters, and that everyone else will die, some in long, slowly drawn out deaths.

8. Hundreds of thousands of doctors, engineers, scientists who were NOT preselected by some cronies, connections, payoffs, or other typical ways of rigging the selection system will NOT react in violent protest against the arbitrary culling process, even though their non-selection is a death sentence.

9. Same for every American over the age of 50.

10. Only the President can address the nation, and explain the scientific and astronomical details, problems and potential impact to the public, in a resigned, depressed monotone as if he were a grad student lecturing a community college class.