Funniest Quotes - The Jerk (1979) Discussion

[–] radiohed-1 19 years ago

"Sir, you are talking to a n*****!" And then he attacks the mobsters with karate.

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[–] chilichilipepper 19 years ago

i'm going to buy you a diamond so big you're gonna puke!
I don't wanna puke!

probably my favorite line.

close runner up is before the slitted sheet line

You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead.

then again. this is just one of those movies that is quotable from beginning to end.

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[–] shamrock73 19 years ago

I always love hearing Carl Reiner say "Cut!" five seconds after the car in his film has blown through the barricade and is being launched over a cliff.

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[–] pianocellolove 19 years ago

The letter to the fam about his new "job".

PCL

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[–] ijonesiii 19 years ago

Actually, the line was "I was born a poor black child"

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[–] hcaleighkat 19 years ago

The Lord loves a working man, don't trust whitey, see a doctor and get rid of it.

Stop... look left... look right...yes! Good teenagers!"
- Cry Baby

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[–] jrchancellor 19 years ago

"Damn these glasses, son!"
"I damn thee."

and

"They sure don't make 'em very well."

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[–] jmthepoet 19 years ago

the "all i need" scene where he's taking all the stuff he "needs."

haha

dunno why but it cracks me up every time

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[–] k57 19 years ago

"Suck my toe!!"

NAVIN: "...I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big, it's gonna make you puke!"
MARIE: (sobbing) "I don't wanna puke!"

NAVIN: "Who's the luckiest guy in the world?"
MARIE: "You are!"
NAVIN: "That's right! And who's the luckiest girl?"
$HITHEAD: "ARF!!"
NAVIN: "That's right!"

---
Dignan: "How does an a$$hole like Bob get such a great kitchen?"

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[–] thenotunnameless 19 years ago

The whole scene where he's lying next to Marie in the bed and talking to her.

Plus: "You're our eighth customer today! You win a free oven mitt!"

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[–] k57 19 years ago

haha

Navin Hi!
Marie What happened?
Navin Oh, it was unbelievable. These guys jumped me, tried to get these flowers. I got them for you. Kind of a traditional date deal.
Marie Yeah, I've heard of that. What were they?
Navin Uh, a couple of dozen roses.
Marie Look like daisy stems.
Navin What?? That guy gipped me! Put daisy stems on my roses! Hey, look, these hoodlums are dangerous. I think we outta get out of here before she sees us...
Marie She?
Navin What?
Marie She.
Navin No, no, I always call a gang 'she'. It's like when you call a boat 'she' or a hurricane 'she'..
Marie Or a girl?
Navin ...or a girl! You can call a girl 'she'... that's just one of the many things you can call a 'she'!

---
Dignan: "How does an a$$hole like Bob get such a great kitchen?"

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[–] keyope 19 years ago

Woof

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[–] trevor-136 18 years ago

"Mrs Nussbaum's credit card!"

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[–] born-rock64 18 years ago

i can't believe no-one has mentioned M Emmet Walsh's line...

when he is chasing Navin and Navin jumps over the fence, then M emmet Walsh opens the fence like a gate, and when he catches him and you think hes going to kill him by reaching in to his jacket pocket and producing a gun, he pulls out a slip of paper and says "you have to sign for this"

and the whole scene in the gas-station with "Mrs Nussbuams" credit card.

this movie was hilarious

Watch Your Back, Jack

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[–] trevor-136 18 years ago

"Him!Whats him doing here?"

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[–] missprbchild 18 years ago

Marie-- Don't be so hard on yourself. How could you know that was Iron Balls McGinty?

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[–] 18 years ago

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[–] 18 years ago

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[–] gail4orce 18 years ago

NAVIN TO WAITER: No more of this OLD stuff, bring us some FRESH wine - the freshest you've got! And bring us those melted cheese sandwich appetizers you talked me out of!
____________________

MARIE TO NAVIN: I don't care about losing all the money, I just don't wanna lose all the stuuuuff.....
____________________

IRVING'S WIFE IN DEPARTMENT STORE:
What are you doing to my husband, you Miss Blondie! Irving! Irving!
____________________

NAVIN: Two hundred and fifty dollareenies.

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[–] wighead_jane 18 years ago

Stan Fox: Damn these glasses
Navin: Yes sir
(to the glasses): I damn thee!

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin: I'm not? You mean I'm gonna STAY this color?

"Somebody hates these cans!"

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[–] rudeboy8080 17 years ago

Crusty, old Asian guy: Don't call that dog 'lifesaver'. Call him 'sh!thead'!

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[–] kickinback420 17 years ago

I SLIT THE SHEET,
THE SHEET I SLIT,
AND ON THE SLITTED SHEET, I SIT.

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[–] rudeboy8080 17 years ago

M. Emmett Walsh's rifle toting madman: DIE, MILK FACE!

Mr. Hartounian: Those cans aren't defective! We have a defective person up there!

[Navin waves cash at dubious Latinos]
Navin: You wave this stuff around and people will kill you for it!

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[–] tsw453 17 years ago

It is him! What is him doing here!?!?

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[–] melvin_schlock 17 years ago

I still use the bit where he's in the bank and doesn't realise that his cheque is for more than he thought.

"Yep, 250 doughnuts.....in a bag"

Or words to that effect.

"Please you must forgive me, I am old but still a child."

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[–] HinaElena 17 years ago

I love it when he's leaving the mansion, and he's collecting all the stuff he needs.

"That's all I need, the ashtray, the remote, the paddle game, the matches and the lamp, that's all I need. I don't need anything el- I need this!" *Picks up a chair*

But the whole movie is hilarious. I also love "HE HATES THESE CANS!!!"

"Yes, but do they have a flag?" - Eddie Izzard

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[–] dnasty68 17 years ago

I'm suprised nobody has mentioned Mrs. Johnson's reply after Navin says "You mean I'm gonna stay this color?" She says "Son, I'd love you even if you were the color of a baboon's ass."

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[–] eddiesmith4 17 years ago

Carl Reiner:- He sold a product without even testing it, on prisoners!

Mad Gunman:- You random son of a bitch!

'BACK OFF! This yoghurt has bits in it!'

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[–] schminky1981 17 years ago

The Mexican in the back of the Mr Nussbaums car.

Navin-What kind of cigarette is that

Mexican-a joint, you want some?

Navin-No thanks i dont smoke.Hey, They dont make em very well!!

Had me in stitches!!

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[–] 17 years ago

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[–] captainfun 17 years ago

Navin: "I'm gonna to bounce back, and when I do, I'm going to buy a diamond so big it's going to make you puke!"

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