My daughter is 10 this year and has been lucky enough to have avoided racism until now. I am Caucasian and my wife is Indonesian 🇮🇩
She is a Cub Scout and the two women who run it are in their 70s.
A recent task was to draw an angel, so she drew one that had brown eyes and dark hair, like herself. One of the leaders told her to do it again because, “angels only have blonde hair and blue eyes.”
When I heard what had happened I was livid and wanted to make a complaint because you just can’t say things like that nowadays. Anyway, my daughter just shrugged and said, “Don’t make a fuss Daddy - she’s just an old lady”, which I thought was pretty cool.
So, I’m going to respect my daughter’s wishes and move on; I’m still upset about it though.
"You can't say things like that nowdays"?.... what a fasinating statement.
So, in your world, having an eurocentric view of angels and how they are presented in art, is taboo, worthy of justifying bully two elderly women?
Tell me, if you managed to succeed and shame and intimidate the women to the point that htey did not feel comfortable running teh cub scout troop anymore,
would you take over those duties or would you just let the group die?
Why don't you learn how to spell, use correct grammar, edit and correct your typos and create a coherent sentence before passing condescending judgment, asshole?
No, I'm pretty sure that the message was, you say "wacism" you get a pass to be a bully.
His daughter is being held up, as a role model of restraint and forgiveness, for NOT supporting her father intimidating the elderly woman, who dared envision the angels as blond.
Just because one is elderly, it doesn't give them an excuse. My grandmother is almost 102 years old and I will not hesitate to let her know if she says something that's not really acceptable any more.
You automatically went to Andy intimidating these women and bullying them. He didn't say anything, but if he did, who's to say that he would be the bully? What's wrong with saying something? Things can be said with tact, and kindness you know.
You do realize you are guilty of Social Media defamation. You defamed Andy King when you lied. You stated he was ”… waiting for them to DIE”. He never said anything near that in his OP. You need to apologize for lying.
I inferred that because of their age, nature would take its course and they would probably retire soon. He concluded that I was waiting for them to die.
S/he is either a jerk or twit. Maybe both! Making a complaint about someone who stated to your 10 year old daughter angels only have blonde hair & blue eyes is not bullying. To top it off to make your daughter do a redo is beyond the pale! S/he implied you were a bully going so far as to call you an asshole! S/he is guilty of Social Media Defamation. I hope our Mod Squad takes notice. This poster is a first class TROLL!
You, as your daughter is, are being more gracious than most of us would be.
It’s 4:15 AM here and I cannot sleep! Dammit! My doctor let me run out of my sleeping med. I’m going to be useless later on.
Actually, my first crush was a really cute Japanese girl in grade school. I had a very good looking Japanese/American girlfriend in my 20s. In between, I had a Hawaiian and a Samoan girlfriend. Yeah, I like those exotic features.
Bullying two elderly women? He didn't post their names and addresses or even photos. And if they have a Eurocentric view of angels, that's fine, but they put their views on a kid.
My point was if you HAD went and confronted them. How that would have been bullying.
You’ve already been called out on this board, and I’m trying my best to avoid piling on. However, against my better judgment, I feel compelled to ask: In your view, is confronting someone and bullying someone the same thing?
reply share
Considering that the people in question are elderly women and the complainer is a much younger man, who has already admitted to anxiously awaiting these old ladies dying,
You keep making the claim that Andy wants them to die, however, at no point has he expressed that, and continually suggesting otherwise is untrue and unhelpful.
There is a clear distinction between confronting someone to hold them accountable for their words and actions, and bullying. Holding someone accountable for their words, especially in a leadership role, is not bullying. The fact that the individuals involved are in their 70s does not exempt them from their personal responsibility of protecting children and creating an inclusive space, which is what they signed up for when they agreed to be Cub Scout leaders.
While I applaud your sensitivity for the elderly, your emphasis on the age disparity between a man in his 50s confronting two women in their 70s to reframe confronting them as ‘bullying’--while dismissing the impact of racially insensitive comments made by adults in leadership positions to a 10-year-old child--reveals a clear bias in your perspective, one you may not be aware of, however, I would wager you most likely are.
in response, AFTER THAT POINT IN TIME, ,you claimed that you were thinking "retirement" when you said "nature".
And odd manifestation of "nature" but possible.
Thus, at worst, my point about you waiting for them to die, would be a MISTAKE, not a LIE.
That this needs explained... is a bit strange.
Really, it's... only relevant as it casts a light on whether you were planning on being reasonable., or if you were planning on being a bully to the old ladies.
Taking a reference to nature to mean "die of old age" is reasonable.
Calling me a liar because he clarifed AFTER i gave my response, is not. That is actually "twisted" in that it is based on being ignorant of how linear time works.
If this site is being accessed by higher lifeforms that do not experience time as we humans do, a. that would be cool and I would like to know about it, and b. please to not slam me for my human limitations.
" I read it as a wish for death." That might be the most telling comment you made. You read that into his comments. So, you either have a reading comprehension problem, or you've got some sort of a hidden agenda going on here and I'm really beginning to suspect classic narcissistic behavior.
Pseudo-intellectualism. I've been in a number of online forums and it never fails that guys like you crop up, constantly trying to talk down to others.
I am intelligent, and would like to be thought of as such.
My formal education is not impressive. I've done some spotty reading on some topics, ie how people think, history, ect.
My point remains.
your inability to grant me the reasonableness of interpreting "nature" to me "die" is actually supporting my more negative read of the statement.
Since I posted that the first time, the op has also failed in the same way you did, which REALLY undermines the idea that he would have been nice to those little old ladies.
I am intelligent, and would like to be thought of as such.
Until we see a demonstration of the first part -- which seems less and less likely the more you type -- we can only really believe that the latter part is true.
reply share
2. You said you were glad that he refrained from his bullying impulse, but nothing he said would have been bullying.
3. Again, you are the only person who doesn't see what you did wrong. Literally no one here is defending you or sharing your opinion. At some point you have to concede and just admit that you were wrong. Anything else is either denial or delusion.
2. i disagree. Based on his op, I felt that he hypothetical confrontation would have likely been a form of bullying.
3. Did you see the bit where I explained how much of the criticism I recieved, required those making the criticisms, to NOT understand the concept of linear time? That is not ME being in denial or delusional. AND i did it with humor.
In a nutshell, you not only lied about what he said, which as I’ve repeatedly stated is Social Media Defamation, you also are guilty of BULLYING him! Calling him an “asshole” and accusing him of saying hateful remarks which he didn’t do is part and parcel of being a BULLY!
The point being he “thought about making a complaint”. You do realize a complaint can be made with tact, don’t you? You need not bully. Good Grief! Where would be when it comes to advancements in our lives if complaints were never made?
And now you ignore my use of the words "WOULD BE" in order to claim I admitted a mistake....
This dishonest behavior is undermining your base level of credibility extended to all humans, (until they lose it) and increasing the argument for, you meant "die" and only walked if back, after being called on it.
At this point, admitting that my initial reading was underrstandable, would be your best bet for supporting your claim. A simple enough thing to do, that requires no admission of wrongdoing on your part, and only requires extending some... fairness and generosity.
I’m repeating what I wrote in a prior reply. Twice now you have lied and defamed Andy King stating he said something when he didn’t! I hope the moderators take note.
“You do realize you are guilty of Social Media defamation. You defamed Andy King when you lied. You stated he was ”… who has already admitted to anxiously awaiting these old ladies dying”. He never said anything near that in his OP. You need to apologize for lying.”
WHy not? Why can't they? If everyone there, including you is just going to accept it, and there will be no consequences for the elderly women, then you CAN say "things like that nowdays".
No, you're right. There is always a real danger that there will be some "karen" in room, or who will hear about it and pretend to be outraged or "triggered" and confront them and attack them. Perhaps even starting a "cancel" attempt on them.
We have accepted for a long time in this country that such behavior is normal. Any hint of racism, real or imagined, is justification for all kinds of bad behavior.
I hope you continue to learn from your daughter to be nice to people, especially old people. Even if they believe stuff you don't agree with.
Seriously. Not you, none of your... friends, in this thread, not one of them have exhibted the slightest ability to respect people that do not completely agree with them,
Andy is one of the most level headed, reasonable, and respectful posters here. The fact that posters who don't usually agree or get along with each other are all in agreement that Andy is right and you are wrong should tell you something.
They were both out there again this evening, ranting, trying to justify themselves. With one it was, "Fuck the cops!" With the other it was, "Fuck the neighbors!"
You feel like you're in an "alternate universe"? I'm feeling cursed. 😉
That's exactly what I was doing, sitting on my porch with a cold beer, enjoying an otherwise tranquil, early spring evening, and continuing to process this ongoing situation.
Andy, don't. That asshole does not deserve an apology from you, much less two. I know you try to take the high road and it's reasonable to assume your daughter learned that approach from you. If anyone is guilty of insanity and being mean spirited, it's him. He's an obsessed nutcase insisting on beating a dead horse.
YOU'RE RAMBLING...YOU ATTEMPTED TO START SOME SHIT OUT OF NOWHERE AND IT FAILED...MOVE ON.
I DID NOT MY TEACH MY DAUGHTER TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD...WE WOULD HAVE TAKEN TURNS SLAPPING THE OLD BITCH...WHILE YOU CRIED SPECIAL BOY TEARS IN THE CORNER.😘
Dancing with Jesus and then they look around at the choirs of angels singing them to heaven... all different ethnicities and skin tones... and then Jesus chuckles to himself and pulls a big lever and down into the pit those old ladies go....
you saw a man make a post threatening death to two little old ladies and your response was to make a joke at the expense of the little old ladies.
Well, I saw a man exaggerating a little about how he'd respond to the situation to emphasise that he and his daughter wouldn't take any bullshit.
And then I made a joke at the expense of two little old ladies, yes.
My point in this thread has been to dsicuss how you people think that you have the right to expect and compel conformity to your world view.
Well, it's not really my 'world view', it's (British) social norms. I don't know what things are like where you are in the world, but this shit doesn't fly here in the UK. And before you witter and whinge, most people across the entire political spectrum would agree with that.
Thank you for admitting that you expect and demand conformity to your world view or "social norms".
I personally, think that that is wrong. Especially to go as far as in the UK and to arrest people for violating it.
I believe that people should be free from such oppression.
Little old ladies that are running a cub scout troop, shouldn't live in fear of being bullied or cancelled or arrested for having beiefs that clash wtih "social norms".
No need to be bored. We had a discussion. We came to an end of it.
We disagree on the way the world should be. Nothing more to be said about it.
I appreciate that you were honest and did not employ time wasting or stonewalling techniques that are so very common with people that don't want to admit what they support.
No one is justifying or condoning or advocating for bullying anyone. Andy didn't say or do anything and even if he and his family had made a complaint or reported the incident, it would still not be bullying.
Reported it to the organisation in charge of the Cub Scouts. The results might be simply to tell the woman in charge of the scouts not to make children re-do their drawings because they don't approve of the hair and eye colour.
I like that all you want, is that other people completely submit to your beliefs, and that you have zero... awareness of them having any agency or voice of their own.
I would hope that you are exaggerating how much of a thug you would be.
BUT, I believe that your words reflect your actual FEELLINGS, and do give insight in to what you believe and support.
After all, cancel cultrue is real. Individuals and mobs harassing innocent people in the streets, and in public places do happen. We as a society do not seem to have an idea how to push back, possibly because a significant portion of the population supports such behavior.
my son has an italian name but all the teachers and coaches insisted on calling him the anglicized version of his name. my wife got tired of changing it on documents.
Funnily enough, some of my wife’s Indonesian friends, who are married to westerners, have adopted the name that their husbands call them by, rather than trying to correct them.
I knew a Phillipino who's name was Appolonio but went by Paul (Pol) for short. He's dead now. Had a heart attack while riding a bike. By the time the paramedics showed up he was already dead.
Looked like? As in past tense? Excuse me, but Jesus is actively walking on this earth as we speak in the ongoing apocalypse battling Satan, his minions, and Abe Vigoda. Do better.
I would have to disagree it's racism, I think the woman just has a narrowminded view of a mythological being, likely one she grew up with. I also used to have teachers who told us kids to do things a certain way, just because that's the way they did them.
I don't think it's always necessary to move with "the times" (what does that mean, the opinion of the majority?). In this case, though, I think Christian mythology allowes for a diverse appearance of angels. This did not need correcting.
This has much less to do with racism, but bears addressing. Dog poop is limited to its owner's yard. Unfortunately if you are surrounded with aggressive dog owners who are supplying the poop, you're screwed, unless you want to raise the terms of engagement, significantly.
Yeah, she was in violation of city ordinances. I was one step away from reporting her to the local animal control department. That was my point too. It had absolutely nothing to do with racism. She injected that into the situation, playing not only the race card but also the victim card, trying to justify herself. She was trying to pour gasoline on the fire.
I got an earful of information from some good neighbors over the weekend and discovered she had been dumping cat litter in their yard since she moved in last fall. Those folks have been here for over 40 years. She's got 3 cats, 2 dogs so, that's a lot of animal poop on neighbors' lawns. She might as well have been giving her neighbors the double, middle finger every time she did that. And yet, she claimed to be the one that had been taking the high road, and that people didn't like her here simply because she was with, "a darkie." Her words!
I don't quite get the comparison here of Andy's daughter to my two nasty neighbors.
But I learned a new word, "buttinsky", which is exactly what the troublemaker neighbor is. I had another episode with her where I had to call the police, she was interfering, butting in with her big mouth and the cop had to finally tell her to shut up so he and I could talk.
Forgive me; I seem to have gotten lost in the thread a bit and was fighting off sleep, so just ignore what didn't apply, but I'm glad I was able to be of a smidgen of help.
That's not an instance of racism, it's an instance of stereotyping, and it wasn't even directed toward your daughter, it was directed toward non-human beings that have never been proven to exist.
Suppose a redhead with green eyes from Ireland drew an angel with red hair and green eyes, and the elderly woman told her to do it again because, “angels only have blonde hair and blue eyes.” Would that also be racist in your estimation? If so, racist toward whom? Toward the non-existent green-eyed redhead race? Toward mythological angels?
Irish isn't a race, it's a nationality. Also, it's beside the point. Replace "Ireland" with England, Australia, the United States of America, Canada, the Netherlands, Sweden, Switzerland, or whatever, if you want; it doesn't change anything.
Based strictly on the information in your post, it has nothing to do with race. The old lady believes that angels have blonde hair and blue eyes, therefore she believes that any other hair/eye color combination is inaccurate, regardless of who drew the picture.
If there's more to the story, such as other kids who are white also drew angels with hair/eyes that weren't blonde/blue, and the old lady didn't tell them they had to do it again, then you would at least have some basis for making a case for racism, because that might indicate that the old lady was treating the kids differently based on their race.
That's not an instance of racism, it's an instance of stereotyping, and it wasn't even directed toward your daughter, it was directed toward non-human beings that have never been proven to exist.
Imagine having such a simplistic view about how racism manifests?
reply share
"Imagine" is a good word, since that's all that you or anyone else in this thread who thinks the OP's story has anything to do with racism, is doing.
"having such a simplistic view about how racism manifests?"
That's comically ironic, coming from someone who conjured up racism in his imagination from a story that blatantly has nothing to do with racism. Also, it's not a simplistic view, it's a by-definition view, just as all of my views are. Your view depends on an over-active imagination or a [laughable] belief that you can read the scout leader's mind.
The assertion that recognizing potential racism in the Scout leaders' assertions as purely the product of imagination completely overlooks the broader context in which her comments were made.
Understanding racism requires acknowledging how it can manifest in subtle ways, including in assumptions about what is considered 'normal' or 'ideal,' even regarding mythical figures like angels. It has nothing to do with 'mind-reading;' rather, it's about understanding the implications of certain statements and their impact, especially on young minds.
Racism doesn’t always manifest in overt actions or explicitly stated beliefs; it often operates through insidious, normalized assumptions and stereotypes. The critique here is not about an overactive imagination but about a thoughtful consideration of how seemingly benign comments can contribute to a culture of exclusion and stereotype reinforcement.
Moreover, calling out the potential racial bias in these actions doesn't stem from an attempt to 'conjure up' racism, but from a well-documented understanding of oppressive societal mechanisms and of how racial biases can be perpetuated through various forms of communication, including those that might initially appear innocuous and may have been made in ignorance and not in malice.
The way racism manifests in society is complex and requires an analysis that goes beyond a literal 'by-definition' view to consider the contextual, historical, and societal contexts in which it takes shape.
Oh, it's "potential" racism now? The OP stated, as a fact, that the old lady had been racist toward his daughter. Your tacit request to move the goalpost is denied.
Also, most anything could be construed as "potential racism." The problem is: there's utterly no basis for it in the OP's story (i.e., nothing that the old lady did fits the definition of racism), so it's just pure imagination or an attempted mind-reading.
"Understanding racism requires acknowledging how it can manifest in subtle ways"
There's no such thing as something manifesting in subtle ways. See below.
"including in assumptions about what is considered 'normal' or 'ideal,' even regarding mythical figures like angels."
You have no idea why she believes that angels have blonde hair and blue eyes (because you are not a mind-reader), therefore your idea that it's due to racism is a leap of logic, which is a specific form of "making shit up." Furthermore, even if it were due to racism, it wouldn't be specifically directed at the OP's daughter, it would be directed at most people in general, including most white people, and probably even directed at herself (most people don't have blonde hair and blue eyes, and most people in their 70s like she is have gray hair, which obviously isn't blonde).
"It has nothing to do with 'mind-reading"
Yes, it does, because the only way anyone in this thread could state as a fact that the old lady is a racist is if they were legitimately a mind-reader (given that she didn't actually do anything that fits the definition of racism), and legitimate mind-readers aren't known to exist.
"it's about understanding the implications of certain statements and their impact, especially on young minds."
There are no racist implications in the OP's story. You're merely making shit up.
"Racism doesn’t always manifest in overt actions or explicitly stated beliefs"
Yes, it does. If there are no overt actions or explicitly stated beliefs then racism didn't manifest, obviously. Do you know what "manifest" means?
manifest
adjective
1: readily perceived by the senses and especially by the sense of sight
2: easily understood or recognized by the mind : obvious
transitive verb
: to make evident or certain by showing or displaying
"Moreover, calling out the potential racial bias in these actions"
Again with the attempt to move the goalpost. See above.
"doesn't stem from an attempt to 'conjure up' racism"
Yes, it does, since there is literally zero evidence of racism in the OP's story.
"but from a well-documented understanding of oppressive societal mechanisms and of how racial biases can be perpetuated through various forms of communication, including those that might initially appear innocuous and may have been made in ignorance and not in malice."
This is a non sequitur, given that there's absolutely nothing inherently racist about a belief that angels have blonde hair and blue eyes. It's a dumb belief, but not because it has anything to do with racism, but rather, because it suggests that she gets her "information" from pop culture depictions of angels rather than, e.g., the Bible. In the Bible there are angels that aren't even remotely human in appearance. For example, some of them have four faces; some of them are covered with eyes (this is a drawing based on a description of a type of angel from the Bible - https://media.swncdn.com/via/images/2023/08/11/32042/32042-seraphim_source_file.jpg).
"The way racism manifests in society is complex and requires an analysis that goes beyond a literal 'by-definition' view to consider the contextual, historical, and societal contexts in which it takes shape."
If you accuse someone of racism without them actually doing anything that fits the definition of racism, then you've made an unfounded accusation, and people who make unfounded accusations are firmly in the "bad person" category.
reply share
Your insistence on a strictly literal interpretation of racism overlooks the nuanced, systemic, and often subtle ways in which racism permeates society. The term 'potential racism' acknowledges that racism is not always overt but can be embedded in cultural norms, stereotypes, and even in how we envision mythical beings. This isn't about moving goalposts but recognizing the complex reality of how racism operates.
The belief that manifestations of racism are limited to overt actions or explicit beliefs is a misunderstanding. Racism, as understood through decades of scholarly research and lived experiences, often functions through implicit biases and systemic inequalities that are not always immediately visible or conscious. These forms of racism are well-documented and recognized in the fields of sociology, psychology, and the various social sciences.
Your reliance on the definition of 'manifest' to argue that racism must be overt to be real is a reductionist view that fails to account for how deeply ingrained racial biases can influence perceptions and actions in ways that are not immediately obvious. Importantly: The impact of suggesting angels can only look a certain way--blonde hair and blue eyes--reinforces a narrow, exclusive standard of beauty and divinity that mirrors some of the most horrific historical and contemporary racial hierarchies.
While it's true that the Scout leader's belief about angels may stem from pop culture rather than explicit racial animus, the effect of her comment, especially on a child of a different racial background, cannot be dismissed. It's about the broader implications of such beliefs and how they contribute to a culture that privileges certain racial characteristics over others, which is a component of systemic racism.
If you accuse someone of racism without them actually doing anything that fits the definition of racism, then you've made an unfounded accusation, and people who make unfounded accusations are firmly in the "bad person" category.
Yes, it is I who is in the "bad person" category, not the grown adult woman--in a position of power--who told a 10-year-old child of a different racial background that all angels must have blonde hair and blue eyes. She's definitely not the bad person here…
We're obviously not going to change each other's minds here, so with that, I bid you a good day. reply share
"Your insistence on a strictly literal interpretation of racism"
That's the only thing that matters if you're going to be accusing someone of racism, like the OP did.
"overlooks the nuanced, systemic, and often subtle ways in which racism permeates society."
That sort of theorizing is irrelevant with regard to accusing someone of racism. If someone hasn't done anything that fits the definition of racism and you accuse them of racism, you've made an unfounded accusation.
"The term 'potential racism' acknowledges that racism is not always overt but can be embedded in cultural norms, stereotypes, and even in how we envision mythical beings. This isn't about moving goalposts but recognizing the complex reality of how racism operates."
You did move the goalpost, because I replied to the OP who accused someone of racism, not "potential racism." That also amounts to a concession on your part, since, by claiming that it's potential racism you're inherently saying it's not racism (potential racism ≠ racism), which is in agreement with what I said in the first place.
"The belief that manifestations of racism are limited to overt actions or explicit beliefs is a misunderstanding."
No, it isn't. The misunderstanding is on your part, with regard to the meaning of the word "manifest."
"Your reliance on the definition of 'manifest' to argue that racism must be overt to be real is a reductionist view that fails to account for how deeply ingrained racial biases can influence perceptions and actions in ways that are not immediately obvious."
No, you're the one who chose to use the word "manifest," and that choice made your assertions wrong, by definition. You can look for different words to express what you were trying to say if you want, though it's irrelevant, as it has nothing to do with the point of contention (and you've already conceded the point of contention anyway [see above]).
"While it's true that the Scout leader's belief about angels may stem from pop culture rather than explicit racial animus, the effect of her comment, especially on a child of a different racial background, cannot be dismissed. It's about the broader implications of such beliefs and how they contribute to a culture that privileges certain racial characteristics over others, which is a component of systemic racism."
That's more irrelevant theorizing, and not in the scientific sense either, but rather, in the pseudoscientific sense, given that it's the sort of theorizing which is unfalsifiable due to consisting of untestable assertions, such those regarding "the effect of her comment" and "broader implications."
"Yes, it is I who is in the "bad person" category"
You've made an unfounded accusation, so that's correct. Unfounded/false accusations can ruin people's lives in a tangible/demonstrable/direct-cause-and-effect way. People who make such accusations can also be held legally liable due to slander and libel laws.
"not the grown adult woman--in a position of power--who told a 10-year-old child of a different racial background that all angels must have blonde hair and blue eyes."
Since that's a description of something which is utterly innocuous, What of it?
YIKES...BEING AN OLD LADY SHE GETS A GIMME...YOU AMAZING DAUGHTER KNOWS THAT...REPEATS ARE NOT SO EASILY DROPPED THOUGH...I WOULD STRUGGLE WITHT HE GIMME MYSELF...BUT DAUGHTERS KNOW BETTER.