Funniest Song Lyrics?

Dance Hall Days - Wang Chung

"Take your baby by the heel and do the next thing that you feel"

"You can be smart as hell, know how to add"

Sparks "Angst In My Pants"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSs63V-RmPk

Tomorrow, yes tomorrow, I'll start a new life!
And if not tomorrow, then overmorrow!
Or mabye someday...I'll start a new life.

Erst Allgemeine Verunsicherung "Morgen" (= Tomorrow)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEQSiKmbsrU 🍻​

The B-52's "Mesopotamia"

I ain't no student
Of ancient culture
Before I talk
I should read a book
But there's one thing that I do know
There's a lot of ruins in Mesopotamia

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FyLcHxbSRk

The Members "Working Girl"

We got a love so pure - she pays the rent

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3H4n44V6yw

The Kinks "Low Budget"

Even my trousers are giving me pain
They were reduced in a sale so I shouldn't complain
They squeeze me so tight so I can't take no more
They're size 28 but I take 34

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwJBtDOat_k

Thomas Dolby - Airhead

Quod Erat Demonstrandum, baby
*girls voice* "Ooh, you speak French!"

• "I was talking to your mother, just the other night. I told her I thought you were an asshole. She said, 'Yes, I think you're right."

• "Some folks say that I'm egotistical. Hell, I don't even know what that means. I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skin-tight blue jeans."

• "I don't think she's in love anymore. She's hanging up her telephone and locking her door."

• "Oh, I'll never be president. And we never seem to save a cent. But things are looking better everyday. Hell, I'm Sergeant at Arms of the PTA."

• "Now you come to me with a simple 'goodbye.' You tell me you're leaving, but you won't tell me why. We're here at the station and you're getting on. And all I can think of is: thank God and Greyhound you're gone."

• "Don't the girls all get prettier at closing time? Don't they all begin to look like movie stars?"

• "I don't remember loving you. I absolutely, positively, know that can't be true. But everyone I know here in this place is very strange. If you'll hand me my crayons I'll be glad to take your name; in case I run across the guy you knew. But I don't remember loving you."

• "A distant uncle passed away and left me quite a batch. And I was living high until the fatal day, a lawyer proved I wasn't born, I was only hatched."

• "I rode my horse to town today and a gas pump we did pass. I pulled him up and I hollered, 'Whoa,' and said, 'Fill him up with gas.' The man picked up a monkey wrench and, wham, he changed my tune. You've got me chasing rabbits, spitting out teeth, and howling at the moon."

• "She got the goldmine, I got the shaft. They split it right down the middle, but then they give her the better half."

• "I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison. And I went to pick her up in the rain. But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck, she got runned over by a damned old train."

• "Johnny Cash helped me get out of prison, long before Rodriguez stole that goat."

• "Mama sells eggs at a grocery store; my oldest sister is a first-rate whore; Dad says she can't come home anymore, and he means it."

• "No, I'm not gonna wish you all the best, and I hope you'll be lonesome, stay worried and depressed. Oh, I summed it up so well in this refrain: every time you go outside I hope it rains."

• "I curse the day she bought me that old bird; squawking, talking, telling everything it ever heard. She never would have known about big Betty Brown and me, be he fouled up and told her some things you won't believe. Oh, my woman moved out on me today, and left that old stool pigeon parrot trembling in his cage. I hollered from the front porch and stopped her at the curb, and the last thing I gave her was the bird."

• "Just because I asked a friend about her; just because I spoke her name somewhere; just because I rang her number by mistake today, she thinks I still care."

• "Thank you for listening to my troubles. Pardon me, I've got someone to kill."

• "There's no place that I'd rather be than right here, with my red neck, white socks, and Blue Ribbon beer."

• "We'll have to say hello maybe some other time instead, because you're wanted by the police and my wife thinks you're dead."

• "Well, he slowed down and I finally got around him, on a big long hill just south of Tennessee. He had a box of Colonel Sanders on the dashboard. He was eatin' fried chicken and throwing the bones on me."

• "Five dollars' worth of reg'lar, three dollars' worth of wine. Just hand me a road map; show me the state line. I got the blues on my bumper, Lord I gotta leave 'em behind. Yeah, I'm gonna drink and drive that woman right off of my mind."

• "The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin', that's what I said. The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand, or, so I've read. My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo, I love to sink her with my pink torpedo."