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"Kicking your kid out as soon as they turn 18 is abusive."

posted 2 years ago by SilenceByWolf (1868)
28 replies | jump to latest

Your thoughts? Copied and pasted from Reddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/109twae/kicking_your_kid_out_as_soon_as_they_turn_18_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I keep seeing videos and posts of parents who do this and justify it. And no, I’m not talking about the kids who are psychopaths or sadists or whatever.

I have never once heard any good parent explain with good reasoning why they kick their kid out of the house as soon as they’re legally able too. They always default to the same excuse of “well I don’t have to take care of them anymore”. Sorry, but being a parent doesn’t stop at 18. When you have a child and choose to raise it, then you’re going to be their parents for life. That includes making sure that they are given a good start into adulthood by allowing them to gain life experience first. Which means letting them live with you until they’re comfortable being on their own.

I have never, ever understood how any self proclaimed “good mother” or “good father” can be excited to throw their child on the streets without a second thought as soon as they can. You’re setting your kid up for failure. It’s abusive, and you shouldn’t have had children if you didn’t want to put in the work of having one.

[–] Kowalski (79077) 2 years ago

I AGREE.

[–] [deleted] 2 years ago

[deleted]

[–] ShogunofYonkers (78561) 2 years ago

Some young people need a bit more assistance than others and caring parents should do what they can to provide that help.

It makes the family more stable and stronger by supporting the kids.

The ideal setting would be an obstacle course full of sniper fire and land mines, we have to toughen these little shitheads up😄

[–] DancingintheDark (1806) 2 years ago

The “excited to throw their child out” part is what troubles me. I think there are circumstances in which it is absolutely appropriate e.g., if the rules set in place by the parent or guardian are being blatantly ignored and/or disregarded, if substance abuse is present and the child refuses to enter or receive treatment, same applies to mental health, if there are behavioral or psychological factors which are causing instances of self harm and/or harm/abuse to the parent/guardian and treatment, counseling, therapy is refused by the child then allowing them to stay can quickly develop into an enabling environment where progressive growth may be inhibited and/or denied.
If the child is willing to follow the rules, work, go to school, or focus on sobriety and mental health for a time to stabilize a foundation so work or school or both is an option, then staying home can be an absolute benefit to all involved.

[–] SilenceByWolf (1868) 2 years ago

In many Asian countries, it is actually considered "normal" for the children to live at home with parents well into their adulthood.

[–] DancingintheDark (1806) 2 years ago

In many other parts of the world too.
That being said, normative behavior is not synonymous with positive influences or positive progression for that matter.
For example, in China, it’s considered normal to work the 9-9-6,
9am to 9pm 6 days a week.

[–] [deleted] 2 years ago

most parents support their kids while they are in college.

[–] SilenceByWolf (1868) 2 years ago

In many Asian countries, it is actually considered "normal" for the children to live at home with parents well into their adulthood.

[–] Mrmojo4700 (21711) 2 years ago

I’m currently putting 2 through college. One lives at home and the other away at school, but it would be fine if she wanted to return home also.

[–] samoanjoes (58587) 2 years ago

You're a good man, mojo.

[–] Mrmojo4700 (21711) 2 years ago

I have great parents to model after. 👍

[–] [deleted] 2 years ago

the bills must be rolling in.

[–] Mrmojo4700 (21711) 2 years ago

Double on everything all at once. Car insurance is notoriously high in my state also.

[–] [deleted] 2 years ago

i know the feeling. we bought our son a small car the last years of college.

[–] Otter (24464) 2 years ago

I was kicked out when I was 18, and I still resent it! This was decades ago when housing was cheap so I didn't end up on the street, as I would have with today's cost of living, but college was out of the question. I had to get a full-time job and support myself, and spend years accumulating credits at night school before I could finish a degree and get a job that paid decently. It's put me at a monumental economic disadvantage compared to my peers, not to mention the family drama that ended with me cutting those assholes out of my life entirely.

And no, I hadn't done anything wrong to deserve it, I was thrown out as part of a larger family drama that I'm not going to talk about, all the real issues were caused by someone else, in in the family war I was a... civilian casualty.

[–] [deleted] 2 years ago

Your duties as a parent don't end the second they turn 18. You're a parent for life and should help your children all your days, within reason of course.

Drawing a line in the sand and kicking them out at a certain point is bad parenting. I understand wanting them to become independent and helping them towards that.

[–] tcrum (31863) 2 years ago

[deleted]

[–] OnanTheBarbarian (13168) 2 years ago

My family didn't do that. But ... there is a strong rationale for it and good parents do it with the best interests of their child in mind. I've never heard the sloppy reason “well I don’t have to take care of them anymore”, quite frankly.

Parents do it because they believe it is best for the child to become independent and stand on their own.

You're an adult. It will make you stronger. You move out when you're an adult and stop behaving like a child.

We have the reverse problem in American. Too many children live with their parents well into their late 20's and even 30's. You sacrifice your independence and freedom of choice when you do that.

[–] SilenceByWolf (1868) 2 years ago

It depends vastly on culture too. That makes a big difference. Many Asian places and India, it's considered the "norm" to live with parents even in 20s and 30s.

I think more Western children live with their folks into their adulthood because cost of living is ridiculous these days.

[–] OnanTheBarbarian (13168) 2 years ago

You make an excellent point. The main reason we live with our parents after 18 is the high cost of living.

But of course good parents are not gonna kick their kids out to live on the street if they have no money.

But many Asians live in very docile hivemind cultures which thwart individuality. That's not the Western ideal.

[–] SilenceByWolf (1868) 2 years ago

Yes, in those Asian countries and India, individuality isn't of great importance as in Western countries. Yet, it seems in those cultures, the people don't mind it. They seem to place great emphasis on family connection and acting as one unit. They think we are "weird" for placing emphasis on individuality. Depends on what perspective you're looking at it from.

Even here in USA/Canada, I've seen many Indian families that live close together and many of their kids seem to live with their parents past adulthood. And they seem to support their parents financially too. And many of these "kids" have well-educated jobs, so they chose to live at home with their folks. So, who am I to judge.

Also, in similar note, look at arranged marriages. I'm fascinated by the concept. It seems in those countries, many people don't mind it and many of them seem successful. I think it's weird. What happens if one partner is abusive? Again, who am I to judge what culture does it "right" vs "wrong"?

[–] OnanTheBarbarian (13168) 2 years ago

There's a difference emphasis. And it's probably narcissistic xenophobia to say our way is better. I agree.

However, we are the most powerful and technologically advanced civilization on earth. And our individualism promotes that.

I'm Greek-American. Greeks are much more family oriented and have the larger extended families. That can be positive but also negative.

With the divorce rate in Western society, maybe arranged marriages are not such a bad thing. Fuck romanticism. Marriage is more of a business deal.