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Things I learned in The Human Centipede II

posted 13 years ago by no_pulse
80 replies | jump to latest

1) People go missing in a parking garage and the London police don't bother to investigate?

2) An obese mentally handicap man that has health problems can easily capture ppl.

[–] taseron 12 years ago

9) If you want to make a movie about your sick scat fetish fantasies, you need to build up a cover story that makes the scenes of people *beep* into each others mouth appear like a horror movie theme, so people call you a director instead of *beep* pervert`

[–] LilaInFlames 12 years ago

130. The centipede can be considered a phallic symbol

131. The neighbour from upstairs is a terrible actor and will play his *beep* music as loud as he *beep* wants. Ok?

132. There's a midget wanking in there. Seriously.

133. If your kidnapper has left you and his other victims alone while he trolls for more segments, you won't try to escape even though all that stands between you and freedom is a bit of duct tape and a door.

134. An integral part of any escape plan is to switch off the lights, and when they come back on, you must throw a poorly aimed tank of centipede at your kidnapper in a visually interesting yet ultimately pointless sequence before slowly crawling away

I have to return some videotapes

[–] antistarcandy 12 years ago

135. No large parking garages may contain more than 3 or 4 cars at any given time

136. When lube is not available to use for masturbating at work, sand paper is an excellent substitute

137. Human Centipede I is a great p0rn

138. Even in a black and white film, poop will appear brown at some point

139. Shoving a large tube down a person's throat will not in the least affect their breathing

140. It's cruel to instantly kill a child when locking it in a car and letting it dehydrate and starve to death is an option

[–] laritze 11 years ago

141. it seems that crying a lot won't stop you from breathing through your nose. since you have your mouth sewn in someone's ass, your nose is fine and you can keep breathing.

142. when someone shoots you on your thighs there will be loads of blood, but you'll gonna be just fine! even if it appears to be afflicted an artery, you won't be dead in minutes let me tell ya.

143. always take your laxatives and go straight to the toilet, they're gonna make an impact RIGHT AWAY. the next second. go!

144. nobody gets dehydrated from vomits and diarrhea and just pass out.

btw best thread ever.

[–] Mighty_Emperor 11 years ago

145. It has now been scientifically demonstrated that actors will do anything. Directors who spend hours thinking up unpleasant and humiliating things to ask their cast to do might as well get a hobby - I'm sure I read in Variety that Tarantino has taken up embroidery.

146. 1 person in 12 has seen or heard of The Human Centipede and is happy to share with everyone else, even though it can only deepen their misery. I'm sure they'll all queue up in Heaven to congratulate you for being a smart arse film buff.

147. Staples are far superior to superglue. In the future, when attaching a handle back to a favourite mug, I'm going to fix that bad boy on with staples and it'll last until Doomsday.

__
If I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

[–] kimmostar 10 years ago

148: Causing multiple blunt force trauma with a crowbar won't kill anyone, just temporarily knock them out when convenient.

149: Because the knee surgery scene wasn't disgusting enough, it's better to show two in a repeated fashion.

150: Your co-workers or the police won't review the security footage when killing or kidnapping someone in the very area you scouted your victims. The colleague won't think anything's wrong when you switch shifts with blood-stained clothes either.

[–] warpedmentality00 10 years ago

151) Masturbating with sandpaper isn't an enjoyable experience unless you have severe mental problems.

152) A crowbar to the noggin is just as good as medical anesthetics.

153) Psychiatrists are NOT allowed to touch you in your private areas.

154) London boasts tough gun control laws yet a mentally challenged parking garage attendant is able to acquire a handgun.

[–] 10 years ago

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