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100 Things I Learned From 'I, Frankestein'


I'll get the ball rolling:
1. A creature from Eastern Europe that spends 200 years living in isolation can rejoin human society with a modern American accent.
2. According to a brilliant scientist, the best way to "kill" an undead creation is to wrap it in a blanket and drop it in a shallow river.
3. Angels, demons and undead monsters only use melee weapons and hand-to-hand; they aren't into projectile weapons
4. In the eternal war of gargoyles vs. demonds, the demon prince thinks it's a better strategy to collect millions of corpses over hundreds of years and gamble on learning the secret of re-animation vs. simply calling in an air strike on the gargoyle temple. Gargoyles just sit and wait to be destroyed - no plans to attack/defend.
5. Undead creations created by sewing together corpses are stronger and more durable than normal humans...just because
6. Lead hench-demons are very overconfident. After seeing Frankenstein kill hundreds of demonds in hand-to-hand combat, the hench-demon decides to track down Frankenstein singlehandedly and challenge Frankenstein to a fight. Brilliant.
7. The best way to hide from pursuing demons is to loudly kick a metal door open and leave it wide open to allow anyone to pursue.
8. The only battle damage sustained from fighting hundreds of demons, falling hundreds of feet onto a subway car and a variety of death-dealing punches/kicks is a minor cut, which must be sewn up because???? Is there a risk of infection, bleeding? He's undead right?
9. CGI effects from 1997 are making a comeback.
10. The producer of Underworld is not capable of making a non-Underworld movie.
11. Aaron Eckhart needs a new agent
12. Aaron Eckhart needs money

Please continue...

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[deleted]

Most if these are not even remote close to the truth. For example the monster did not fall hundreds of feet. Gargoyles did not wait to be destroyed. The monster dud bit reintegrate into society at all. Also did not fight hundreds of demons. The single fight was from a more powerful demon. There half of these have just been thrown out the window.

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For example the monster did not fall hundreds of feet.


Yes, he sure did and more than once. The worst one was when he jumped through a window that was at the top of a large building, crashed onto and through a concrete road landing himself on a moving subway train, then just brushed himself off.

Gargoyles did not wait to be destroyed


Well that depends on how you look at it, they sit in a known spot waiting to be attacked any time the demons feel the need.

The monster dud bit reintegrate into society at all.


What?

Also did not fight hundreds of demons.


Who, the monster? He did fight hundreds of demons(with the aid of some gargoyles)

The single fight was from a more powerful demon


There were tons of single and numerous attacks on Adam(Monster) he fought all sorts of demons, lil ones and B.I.G ones.

There half of these have just been
...

Validated as true by an impartial adjudicator.


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PG-13 is never the way to go.


Yes, because that totally ruined Pirates of the Caribbean Curse of the black pearl. ...Oh, wait.

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[deleted]

Yes, because that totally ruined Pirates of the Caribbean Curse of the black pearl. ...Oh, wait.


That is exactly what it did...Pirates of the caribbean should have been what Black Sails show is now.

~If the realistic details fails, the movie fails~

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1. A creature from Eastern Europe that spends 200 years living in isolation can rejoin human society with a modern American accent.


Check your map. He was made in Ingolstadt Bavaria, Victor Frankenstein was from Geneva Switzerland. That's not Eastern Europe. You're thinking of Dracula.


5. Undead creations created by sewing together corpses are stronger and more durable than normal humans...just because


Mary Shelley's novel explains this. The creature was not pure science. He was made with human AND animal parts (some raw materials came from slaughter houses, bones and possibly the eyes as they were pale yellow in the book). The Creature in the novel was impressively strong and fast. He wasn't just bodies stitched together. Victor was studying the work of Paracelsus and Agrippa. Paracelsus was an alchemist and Agrippa was a sorcerer. So there was some sorcery involved.

9. CGI effects from 1997 are making a comeback.


Syndicated New Zealand TV effects from 1997! Xena: Warrior Princess level stuff here.

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Mary Shelley's novel explains this. The creature was not pure science. He was made with human AND animal parts


17. We are supposed to simultaneously adhere to Mary Shelley's original work AND buy into "I, Frankenstein's" sophomoric shart of a concept according to fanboys,

Check your map. He was made in Ingolstadt Bavaria, Victor Frankenstein was from Geneva Switzerland. That's not Eastern Europe.


Missing the forest for the trees buddy.

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Switzerland and Bavaria (A German state) are Western / central not Eastern. Romania is Eastern Europe.

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My point is that I don't really care. It's immaterial.

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The people who live there would care. Eastern Europe in winter is like Upstate New York = Buried under a sh--t load of snow.

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I think the point was the monster is from "Europe" and ends up having a modern American accent.


http://youtu.be/iDiwoKOD8hA .
http://youtu.be/9WNPorqIyD8 .


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Well, this is the only way I can explain it. In the novel The creature was actually very gifted with linguistics. In a matter of months he taught himself to speak and read in German and French and he knew English by the end of the film. Victor felt The Creature was more eloquent than himself in how he spoke. So if he has the lingual skills of his literary counterpart than maybe he also picks up accents easily.


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So why is he speaking with an American accent in the middle of Europe?

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Hell if I know.

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The way to explain it is to point out how ridiculously stupid the realism fetish is.

The film isn't a documentary about languages and accents in the real world.

Anyone who is even in the vicinity of being an Aspie shouldn't bother with films like this if they're just going to complain.



http://rateyourmusic.com/~JrnlofEddieDeezenStudies

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Not anymore. Those bloody crooked lowlife Romanians are taking over Western Europe.




Obama proves Mankind descended from Sheep not Ape

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Well, that was needlessly raciest / xenophobic.

Be glad my screenname is only a screen name.



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They've taken over the red light districts in Holland and flourish in committing fraud with community money. You want to dictate to me what is xenophobic/racist?



Obama proves Mankind descended from Sheep not Ape

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while Vlad can be pretty annoying, you do sound like a nut job bro..

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How is it racist? He's talking about sheep being the embodiment of mindless followers. It has to do with stupidity which, by the way, isn't relegated to any particular race or ethnicity. How come every statement made against Obama is automatically deemed racist? God, I can't wait 'til we get another white president so we can be free to tell the world the president is an idiot without being called racist.

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[deleted]

18. Trench coats operate like Hermione's bag. You just stuff something inside them and they vanish completely.

19. Heavy sticks made of metal don't make noise when they're hidden away inside your magic trench coat.

20. Count Dracula occasionally loans his clothing to demon princes.




I can't think of a witty signature right now. I like turtles.

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You should have seen the demon prince before Naberius in the prequel graphic novel. He looked A LOT like Drac. Well, a modern depiction anyway. Long black hair, goatee. Chaw-like nails. Red and black cape.

As for the trench coat hiding weapons... It's on loan from Highlander.

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21. People will apparently pay good money to any crappy movie as long as there's CGI in it.

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22. Gargoyles can fly through thousands of tons of burning concrete by turning on their heart light. But said light is useless against knives and swords. Or the ubiquitous bitchslap.

23. A trench coat with a hoodie is not a trench coat with a hoodie when it is too busy being a +8 Cloak of Invulnerability.

24. Scientists working for demons only get paid enough to live in abandoned tenement housing. Because no unions. And what with the castle mortgage and high end Silicon Graphics computers stolen from Avatar there simply was nothing left for cost of living increases.

25. In the world of I, Frankenstein, the freaks come out at night. But nobody else ever does.

26. When you're a demon prince with an army of lackeys and need to create an army big enough to completely destroy Gargoyle orders and the entire human race, there's practically NO rush. 3-400 dead bodies collected over thousands of years should do fine.

27. To avoid confusion as a transforming demon, only morph your head and fingers. Leave all else the same, lest you frighten and confuse people.

28. Demons cannot possess without a 200 in 1 electronics project set from 1978.

29. Cars need to be present and parked even when there is not a single biped in the movie with a need to drive.

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Just so you know, #24 isn't valid. She didn't live there, Adam did. We never saw where she lived. Come on, you didn't figure that out? The thing that got me was your points that there are NO humans around. An entire ginormous building colapses, catches fire, etc., and not one person comes out to the street or heads up to a rooftop to see what's going on. No one bothers to call authorities. 65 million dollar budget, and they couldn't hire a few extras? I was also wondering about all the creatures out in public fighting as their gargoyle and demon selves, but hey! There aren't any humans alive to see anyway! Oh wait, so what are they fighting for?

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LOL - actually no I was genuinely confused about the house thing. I didn't see anything in particular that would tip anyone off that this was his apartment they went to and not hers - especially since I would think the first place someone would be looking for him to return to is his own house. Why would they go there?

Couple that with the fact that there is no point of comparison or frame of reference for how any other human in the movie is actually living, because there are no other humans, and it is not exactly a mystery why I would have assumed that was her apartment. The only high class living quarters in the entire movie belongs to the demons. The gargoyles live in a worked over castle keep, and you don't see anyone else's house.

Was the scientist exalted in some way? She was a servant - a worker bee. Why would she need to be paid highly enough to live any better than that place we saw them in? Besides that, there were first aid supplies in the cabinet. Why would he have those? He was artificial and above being damaged by pretty much anything in the movie except the demons, and would they really be doing anything to him that could be countered with a $5 first aid kit? No it is much more likely that she would have a first aid kit designed for treating humans right up in the cabinet.

Even if I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure you can't fault my path of reasoning here. Can you? It's honest at least.

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30. Demons have absolutely nothing to do with Frankenstein - this movie sucks.
31. Dying demons look like cheetos cheese doodles
32. Frankenstein was so broke that he could only afford a head with a scar down the front. What kind of corpse has a scar down the side of the face? It makes no sense.
33. Yvonne has a terrible british accent
34. Scientists are british; 200 year old creatures are american.

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