Just wondering if anyone ever run into those who tormented them in High School? I have from time to time, and they always seem to act like nothing happened , like all those years of torment and cruelty never happened, it's kind of hard to deal with. Has anyone had this experience?
shareEvery now and then I see people I hate my from high school, I normally pretend I don't know them though.
BUT this one girl that was always rude to me still works at a bowling alley, 10 years later. And her life is crap, always complaining about the drama OTHER people cause her. I'm very pleased about it. I come into the bowling alley and flash my husband and good attitude in her face.
I bet though she would remember things differently, but I certainly remember her calling me "stick girl", spreading lies about me, and 3-way-call attacking me.
And this girl's friend saw me a few years after high school at this non profit event, and he got his other friend who doesn't even know me to tell me to go kill myself to make the world a better place, on myspace. I told them to get over their high school drama, especially cyber bulling well into their 20s, and to grow up-- and then blocked both of them. I can't believe people would care so much about that stuff enough to harass someone who hasn't even done anything to them. It shows how pathetic they are.
It's funny how most of you say your enemies act so nice now, that is not my experience. But I do act nice to her to get her goat. I'm not going to show her that she bothers me, and I think that gets to her really bad. :D
I could be wrong, but I think those of us who have been bullied are letting it continue to affect us when we allow the grown-up versions of our bullies to talk to us as if nothing ever happened. So I propose starting a movement:
The next time you see someone who really was mean to you (and has never apologized) come up to you and try to chat in a shallow, civil way, don't return that behavior. Take a deep breath, and take a good look at them, and just say, "You know, I don't like you. You were a total jerk in school." (insert better words for jerk)
And then just stand there and watch what they do. If they suddenly look contrite and apologize and appear to genuinely regret their behavior, consider whether to accept the apology. If it's good enough for you, say thank you and proceed as is comfortable for you. You don't have to be their pal. If, however, they don't seem sincere or don't even bother apologizing, I say just shrug and walk away to whatever it was you were doing before.
Bottom line: don't be afraid of confrontation and don't be seduced by feeling that they are at last offering you some approval! I think bullies tend to pick on people who they believe will take it without making the bully feel uncomfortable. Don't let that keep you quiet once you are old enough and strong enough to make your opinion known.
As for myself, I find that the memory of my bullies has faded, but the memory of two kids who stood up for me on two different occasions has never faded. What I find worse than old resentment is the pathetic gratitude that won't die :) One of the two was a girl who had previously participated in the mocking, but her conscience clearly eventually got to her. I think it took a lot for her to stand up to her 'friends' and risk making herself an outcast. The other was a boy who I'm not sure ever really noticed me being picked on. However, when it came to his attention on one particular occasion, he stood up for me.
I've never forgotten either of those two kids, even though it was from 7th grade. My later years were different--I attained a measure of popularity in high school and as an adult I'm in a thoroughly competitive yet respectful academic environment. If I ever have a chance to return the favor, I will. Mostly, however, I just try to make sure *my* son never bullies anyone (or gets bullied himself, of course). And I've tried to get him to think of how others feel and how a word of defense on another's behalf can have lifelong implications.
You know, given that I was the fat/quiet kid throughout school, I think I got off really lucky. I was never tormented on a daily basis or had my live ruined because of some kids acting stupid... but still had some as*'s here an there.
In grade school and middle school, I remember three separate times where I was bullied by three different girls. Whether it was kicking my heals at lunch, yelling at me in gym, or just bossing me around... Well, each situation ended the same. Moved to middle or high school, and they were nice to me... maybe they had the hots for me, who knows.
The closest thing I had a personal bully was this one kid who took it out on me during gym, just shoved me down and whacked my legs with a hockey stick a few times. The coach stepped in and told him to cut the crap. This was my first year, and in the middle of it, my gym class was shifted to another period were me and my buddy just hung out.
After that, I had a few other classes with that kid. The wort he would do was kick my desk around... and, he called me a fa*got once or twice in the halls.
In my senior year, I saw him once. We met in the halls, class was in session, I was a Teacher aid or something, and he ran up to me and we... talked. Yeah. Asked how it was going, and then he went off to do his own thing. And that was that. Hilarious, really.
It's been four years, and... I think I've seen him on the bus once or twice, and if it is him, we don't even make eye contact. And we lived happily ever after.
"Rhino, you won the coin toss. Will you crush his skull or simply impale his heart on your horn?"
I can remember two different instances where I was bullied. Once was in 5th grade and once was in 7th grade. My 5th grade bully only really bullied me around for that year, and even though we went to junior high school together, he went from bullying me to just flat out ignoring me. He moved away after that and I never saw him again.
Which is just as well because then entered Bully #2. We had Spanish class together and I think he hated me because I was the "teacher's pet" (even though I wasn't; I just happened to catch on really fast to the language while he struggled). Well somewhere between 7th and 8th grade I somehow got a backbone, and the first time he came at me sideways I pushed him against his locker SO hard that he left a dent in it. He stopped teasing me REAL quick.
Years later, probably about 2 years ago, Bully #1 (the one from 5th grade) found me on Facebook, friend requested me and sent me a LONG message explaining why he was such a jerk to me. Turns out that when I moved into the neighborhood, I became best friends with his best friend, who had been his best friend since they were in diapers. Daniel (the best friend) started spending a LOT more time with him than with me and he began to resent me for it. He then went on to say that the reason why he ignored me in junior high was because he and Daniel had a falling out the summer before (not over me) and he was too immature to apologize then. He followed that up with an apology and an invitation to meet up for drinks one day. I took him up on that offer, and I must say he has certainly grown up. He apologized once again for being so horrible to me way back when, and we must have sat and talked at that bar for hours. I honestly felt that he was sincere in his attempt to mend fences. I went home and accepted his friend request and we still talk occasionally.
If you are reading this, you have just lost The Game.
The kids in my year were great - had no problem with them, and although I wouldn't call it bullying like you get today, there were some girls in the years above and below me used to give me $hit.
There were a few who used to call me anorexic a LOT. Everytime I walked past them, they'd make some snide comment. I've never had a problem with eating (in fact I LOVE food) I was just a really late bloomer :) but that's cool cos although I filled out, I never got fat whereas those slappers probably have to watch every mouthful. Ha-farking-ha b!tches ;)
Bullies are unhappy insensitive people who usually aren't particularly bright. So it doesn't surprise me that they don't acknowlege the torment they have inflicted. While they know what they are doing 'at the time,' it just doesn't occur to them that their behaviour is going to have a lasting effect on their victims. And even if it did, they probably wouldn't care, they just want the 'rush' of the power they feel when they're in the moment.
yup all the time, he washes my car, I have no hard feelings towards him I actually feel bad for him.......If I would have known what kind of life he had back then I would not had hated him.
shareyep! it was like 5 yrs later. In HS i was like 100 lbs. When i saw "her" again, i had already been married, lived in a big city and no longer scared of anything. Plus i put on about 30 lbs...i became scrappy and wild by then..she shoulder bumbed me real hard at our hometown bar, i dared her to do it again...she tried, i didnt budge, humililated she try to save face by fighting me and I beat her ass down in fron of alot of our old classmates...it was glorious! no one messed with me again!
shareI don't know if I'd call what I experienced in school (not just high school, but throughout) bullying per se, I always referred to it as teasing - but it was hurtful none the less.
Anyway, at my 20 year high school reunion, I talked to two of the people that had been unpleasant to me. I had held a grudge against them for a long time. Long time. I apologized to one for being that way, because I found out that she's actually quite nice, and I had come to learn that circumstances in her life at the time were atrocious. I never learned exactly what, but from what I inferred during conversation with those in the know (in adult-hood), it was probably a severely abusive situation.
As for the other, I flat out told her how she had hurt me. I told her she probably didn't remember, but that I did and that was what mattered. She apologized....whether it was an honest apology or not I don't know, but I spoke up for myself, finally. It took me 24ish years, but dang it felt good to do it.
I got bullied a lot in high school. It happens when you're the smallest guy in class, and you don't play any sports. Also, your focus in school is art.
Anyway, cut to a decade later, and I'm one of the more famous people in town due to my career as a radio DJ and one-time appearance on a nationally-syndicated game show. Now all those people that bullied me try to make like we were best friends in high school and try to get free concert tickets and stuff from me, and tell their kids stories about all the fun we had together in school. It's weird, but then, I'm not 40 pounds overweight and I still have all my hair.
Sometimes I could kiss your mind, Roy.
I was the geek that the geeks made fun of. Pudgy. Glasses. Bad hair. Picked on. Called gay, bi, and everything else. Death threats. Constant harassment. Poor family in a rich kid's high school.
Then I graduated from HS, joined the military, got in shape, lost the glasses, gained a metric crapton of self respect and confidence, got out, went to college, got a degree, and a good job.
Ten Year Reunion comes around. I show up, and NOBODY recognizes me until they look at my name tag and see my high school picture. They're floored. The ladies are incredulous, and all talking to me with starry eyed expressions. I could have bagged at least half the women there, but I'm a nice guy and keep the married ones at bay. The husbands and boyfriends are jealous that their women are paying more attention to me than to them.
Damn did that feel good, and I didn't even try.
Corrupting Impressionable Youths Since 1976.share
I did briefly when I was 21. It was at the video store and Lisa was there with a boy who also bullied me in junior high and of some of high school.
They looked at me, pointed and laughed, called me the bad nickname people called me in junior high school (sometimes in high school but not so much) and walked out pointing and laughing.
I was shocked!
Not that she called me the name but that she clearly hadn't grown up!
So it actually made me feel better. I was in college, doing well, and she hasn't moved past junior high school and learned how to treat people. It actually made me feel a bit.....sorry for her.