Just wondering if anyone ever run into those who tormented them in High School? I have from time to time, and they always seem to act like nothing happened , like all those years of torment and cruelty never happened, it's kind of hard to deal with. Has anyone had this experience?
shareThis is an interesting topic to talk about, because it really is true--most high school bullies tend to act like none of it ever happened. I went to a small private high school--only about 250 students--and I was extremely fortunate not to run into any serious bullying. In fact, I've dealt with more of that in the adult workplace recently. In high school, though, the worst I encountered was the popular, too-cool-for-anyone cheerleader types who pretty much just ignored you if they didn't like you. But I have bumped into the girls who were snotty back then, and they couldn't be sweeter. We're not friends or anything, but we are able to have conversations when we do see each other. I think everyone just relates to each other better as young adults, when you're in the real world and have other, bigger things to worry about besides being mean...like making a living.
And on a side note...today, I happened to bump into two former high school classmates--one of the most popular girls, and one of the cool football player guys. Both of them were extremely nice. There was no tension or anything like that--we just had a few minutes of nice conversation, and that was it. I think that sometimes, after so many years have passed, we tend to read too much into the past and forget that it really is all in the past. It doesn't always have to be negative, like Marnie tried to make it in the movie. Joanne may have been wrong to act as if nothing ever happened, but if Marnie hadn't been so tense and resentful from the very beginning, they might have gotten along better. I don't know--I guess it's different for everyone.
Yep i work at a restaurant, and this guy that made fun of me endlessly comes in like twice a week and acts like were buddies, its rather annoying.
shareSeriously - maybe he liked you then, and he likes you now? Simply, like Gilbert on Anne of Green Gables, or any other time that a boy picks on a girl, not because he doesn't like her but because he does? Any why would this guy come in twice a week if he didn't want to see you? Just a thought....
shareSeriously - maybe he liked you then, and he likes you now? Simply, like Gilbert on Anne of Green Gables, or any other time that a boy picks on a girl, not because he doesn't like her but because he does? Any why would this guy come in twice a week if he didn't want to see you? Just a thought....
shareIt was interesting to see one of your comments about the "adult" workplace.
I remember how I wanted so badly to get out of school and into an "adult" environment. When I actually DID get into an "adult" environment, I was SADLY disillusioned. The negative stuff that stuff that seemed SO important to me in school, was NOTHING compared to the the horrible sniping, lying betraying, etc environment I found in a world that I thought was supposed to be more grown up and mature.
Anyway.......fast foreward many years into adulthood, I ran into some people who gave me grief in school. We put teh past behind us and realized one key thing; we had both grown up and matured. Whatever we felt was "important" in school, seemed very unimportant in the overall scheme of things.
The movie was right in the fact, that the growing and learning experiences we have when we are younger, helps to shape our futures. Its still up to us to learn from our experiences and mistakes and move foreward.
I know some of the problems of bullying and more serious than when I was in school. If any person who is in school is reading this, these are important things to remember. If what you are experiencing is LIFE THREATENING tell someone at school and/or your parents. You have no right to be in danger. a lot of the verbal stuff will untimately pass. Dont do something stupid.
What doesnt kill you makes you stronger in the long run.
I never had a bully in school. I got on with everyone. If I didn't get on with them like some of the smaller groups like the Mexican kids. My school wasn't racist but they tended to only speak Spanish and stick together so, anyway if I didn't know them I just didn't hang out with them. There was no confrontation. Plus a lot of my really good friends were older, like juniors and seniors when I was a freshman so I tended to make friends with everyone more easily.
However, rosek like you said you were never bullied, but I think had I been bullied in high school I would have been just like Marnie. I mean Joanna ruined her high school years. That's 4 years of being picked on for no reason. I can't imgaine many people would just "let that go". I mean who Marnie is now is directly affected by those 4 years. Yes, she became a stronger person but she wouldn't have had to if those 4 years hadn't been so torturous.
If I had been in Marnie's shoes the first thing I would have said when Jonna hugged me was "oh you're that b!tch that made my life a living hell in high school". Why sweep it under the rug? Call a spade a spade. I wouldn't have pretended like I didn't know her.
If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all
I agree with iseepinkelefants. I don't blame Marnie at all. I don't care if bullies were just kids who were unaware of what they were doing. They should be made aware of the pain they caused. If I was bullied like that I would never forget it and if someone told me I ever made them feel that way in high school I would tell them I'm sorry. Any kid can be mean, but ones that go out of their way to constantly do so, those are the ones that hurt the most.
While most of my high school years were relatively ok, there were these two boys in my school who always teased me in front of friends and sometimes the entire class by calling me all kinds of mean names. High school kids can be mean and clueless sometimes and I can forgive that, but what I won't forgive are people who repeatedly seem to go out of their way to belittle you for no reason.
Anyway, one of those guys dropped out of school, had a kid and is now fat. I'm not really sure what happened to the other one, but he tried to add me on facebook and I was more than happy to reject his friend request. All is right in the world. :-)
"I saw something nasty in the woodshed!"
"Sure you did, but did it see you, baby?"
I haven't seen this movie yet, but I had a bully in junior high. It was actually 2 girls that rode my school bus. They were AWFUL to me and I never could figure out why. Years later I happened to see one of the girls, and it made me really sad. She just looked so down trodden. She had on cheap clothes, had bad hair, looked haggard, and was on crutches. Her husband or boyfriend was with her, and he looked the same. They just looked like poor trashy people. Hard to even describe it. Part of me wanted to revel in it, but I couldn't. It was so sad that I just felt bad for her. Hard to feel good about somebody who was mean to you years before when they obviously have a horrible life.
"Oh, the weather outside is weather..."
Completely disagree. From someone who was bullied, after so many years, if you are still holding on to crap that has happened in high school and is willingly to get revenge for it there is something seriously wrong with you. Especially if 8/10 years has past!!
I see a lot of people who had wronged me in high school, it nothing now. People grow up, everyone should move on. I'm not saying you have to add them to facebook or be friend, but seriously let it go. I noticed a lot of the bullies in high school are nice and good people, who do regret what they have done. While, people who were friends, victims are now the bullies in the workplace, or in the community.
28 // Navy Vet
This seems to be a common thing, which shows one of the main issues with bullying and how hard it can be to deal with: the bullies seem only vaguely aware they are even doing anything but to the person being bullied it largely defines their existence for that period of time. Who do you stop someone from doing something they don't seem to recognize they are doing?
I have never had any serious bullying but while in JH my 2 best friends in my group of friends at one point decided that they didn't really like me anymore. Made for a weird situation because we all kept hanging out in the same group but at the same time I was clearly the low man on the totem pole. And to clarify, this was not all in my head, one day my 2 closest friends sat me down to explain to me why they suddenly started to find me annoying after 2 years of friendship.
When we got over that phase and all ended up in high school turns out that the 2 people doing it had completely forgotten about it and everyone else had never really noticed. But to me it not only completely defines my time in JH but it completely changed the way I saw 2 people I was very close to. And I honestly don't know what is worse, the fact that a girl who I have never seen hurt a fly was so willing to do that to me or that she was so completely unaware of how hurtful her actions were.
It is amazing how much that stuff sticks with you, we are over 10 years past it and though I have come to terms with these people as adults and the fact that they are no longer the mean girls they once were I am still occasionally tempted to confront them about it because I still feel the need to figure it out. Why did they feel the need to put me through that? Was it about me or them? Would they have found someone else to make the butt of their jokes had I not been around? I honestly try to not think about it because I don't think I will ever get satisfying answers, I don't think satisfying answers even exist. People just have the capacity to be incredibly cruel to each other for no reason.
I disagree that bullies are unaware of what they are doing. They know exactly what they are doing. They are doing something deliberately hurtful to another person. For some, it's because they want to feel more powerful and in control, if not in control of their own lives then somebody else's. For others they are trying to deflect the misery of their own lives onto somebody else. But then it's easier to forget about it later if you're the bully, because it doesn't leave the lasting psychological scars on the bully like it does the victim. To the bully, it is a simple thing to rationalize that it's either no big deal, or that the victim brought it on themselves and deserved it. This is the same kind of mental tactic that abusers the world over use to feel better about themselves.
If you are the victim, you have been abused. It's that simple. The only way to get over being abused is to recognize it and deal with it that way. Get some counseling, talk about your problem openly with a trusted person who has some training to help you. If parents try to brush it off then keep seeking an adult that will take this seriously. Being the victim of any kind of abuse doesn't just go away, it needs to be acknowledged and dealt with or it will fester within you for many years, negatively affecting your life. I know because I was the victim of bullying myself.
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"I'm sorry, but.." is a self-contained lie.
Yup. Justice is always served in my case. There was one who'd been a cheerleader and was always giggling behind my back, talking about my weight. Last time I saw her, I had lost weight and she was waaaay bigger than me. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling.
Another bully who was once taller than me is now shorter than me. And there are guys whom I'd liked who would pick on me - they are either drunks or down-n-out now. Karma!
THE RAP CRITIC:
http://www.youtube.com/user/moviedeeva
Yeah, the adult workplace tends to be even worse. I was lucky not to have many issues with that in high school, but I had a HORRIBLE experience with some co-workers recently, to the point where I can't even stand to look at them anymore. They were manipulative back-stabbers who actually tried to get me fired a few times. For the first time, I can understand how it's hard for people to get past those kinds of things and accept that it's "in the past". When I get to thinking about it and remembering all the stuff that went on, I just boil inside.
shareI had an issue with a workplace problem as well. This person was a supervisor. One day she gave me an ultimatum, and I got sick and tired of it-I walked out. Later on, I ran into a man who told me that after I left, he'd had to fire the supervisor for doing a poor job.
THE RAP CRITIC:
http://www.youtube.com/user/moviedeeva
Kind of but not really. I wasn't particularly bullied (to my face anyway) because most people thought I was a bit nuts and likely to go on a killing spree or something (this was back in the days when Columbine (etc) was going on. So it was more avoidance on most peoples parts, a few people I saw around (working at fast food places/super markets) but nothing much. One person I bumped into randomly though apologised and then went on about how he found Jesus....I had to get out of there quickly.
sharehmm not me, I know a guy who got bullied a lot, but by bullied here, I meant they did it as a joke, and the one who bullied would be-friend with the one they bullied, it's not they did it everyday or something, but occassionally...
This was around 8-10 years ago or so, right now, the one who bullied kinda changed his lifestyle and he's into God/church and everything now, sort of average-poor life, but the one who got bullied is now working oversees and pretty successful. By the way, this is in Indonesia, and the one who got bullied went to the U.S. , basically just became Resident there. For Indonesians to go and work permanently in US is something that is quite prestigious, maybe only 1 out of a ten thousands people can do that. (considering there's like 200-300 million people here).
I would say that Karma does go around.
But living here in Indonesia, it's kinda hard to meet people from the high school, at least I "almost" never met anyone from high school and I went out to places a lot, like the mall, and everything. Not to mention that most of my friends went like overseas and working there/stay permanently or if they didn't go overseas, they've become this super successful business owners (mostly/all from their parents).
Now, if we're talking about 'adult' environment workplace situation, that's the real kicker, the true bullying situation. I'm working as a CFO at this restaurant chains (have been working for 3 years now). Luckily I'm the boss's nephew, so I can safely say that no one dares to do anything to me. But all the time I can see what my employee did to each other, and wow, I can tell you all they are not good at all. This is especially done by the one with the superior position to their co-workers.
I was never tormented, but my friend was. She had Tourette's, had super-thick glasses, frizzy hair, and was totally skinny and flat-chested. She was absolutely tortured, it was terrible. After high school, she graduated college and became a teacher. Not only that, but she married a super-hot guy and bought a house before she was even 25. Her best moment? When she ran into a former bully at a gas station - the bully had to pump her gas. WIN.
shareWow I wish I had revenge that sweet.. I can remember one of my bullies got sent to prison for murder a year after high school.That is the only thing I can come up with
BTW I like your online name, is that a reference to Clerks?
If you think I'm weird, then you really need to get out more shallow Idiots
I was bullied in grade 11. It actually made me drop out of school and then go back to school the next year after all my bullies had graduated.
They picked on me everyday, in school and outside of school.
It's alright though, I got the last laugh. Half of the bitches that made fun of me are either drug addicts or prostitutes or both. And the other half, well, they're dead (from od's no less). Karma really does exsist people. And you know what? I don't feel bad about any of them ending up like they did. Maybe if they had been better people, they'd be here today.
I agree with one of the other posters that said Marni should have outed Joanna right at the beginning. I would have made a complete scene about how she was such a *beep* to me in high school. And her brother must have been an idiot if he never knew who was making Marni's life a living hell.
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I had many psychopathic teachers as well
If you think I'm weird, then you really need to get out more shallow Idiots
Some bullies from my HS fixed the prom king/queen ballots so that I won, but when I got up there they dropped a bucket of actual pig's blood on me. I haven't seen any of them lately because right after that happened I killed them all w/ my trusty telekinesis.
shareI'd have to say it sounds to me like you had the sweetest revenge.
shareFor everyone who got tormented in high school by the mean students I can assure that more often than not these people do not change. High School grooms us more than anything for what kind of people we end up being. If you were a jerk or a b*tch in high school and rarely got tested for it you will be that person in real life. So in a way it is a little comical to see people from high school when you are an adult and they still act like they are in high school and everything is the same and no one has changed. These people usually have kids out of wedlock, failed marriages, alcohol abuse, prescription drug abuse, etc. So take my word for it, in the end nice guys finish last and the bullies you knew in high school get theirs in the end.
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