I really liked someone (friends with benefits), he seemed happy hanging out with me, but I found out one drunken night that he was attracted to me but didn't like me the way I liked him. I was crushed, as I thought I was almost falling in love with him, which I never told him.
has anyone else ever been a Tom?
Yeah, I've been "the Tom." Long story short, she ended things and I handled it so badly that it frightened her. I did not hit her or anything, but I showed a side of me I usually don't let out, not even when I'm by myself. I react to hurt with anger and rage rather than grief or tears, and she got the full brunt of it. At the time it gave me pleasure to see her so shocked with my reaction as a petty revenge of sorts, but it's probably one of my biggest life regrets. I still remember her face when I blew up at her and told her so many horrible things that no human being should ever say to another person.
But she had been right; we really weren't as compatible as I had hoped, and now I've met someone I love who truly loves me back the same way I love her. Going on 2 years now. It may sound rather corny, but everything really does happen for a reason. I just wish the other girl would know how crucial she was for my growing up. Now it's too late and I totally wrecked what had once been (or could have been) a very good friendship.
Yes, I'm in a relationship now where I'm the Tom. I've been trying to be nonchalant about it to him and I've been steeling myself to the possibility that he will break it off and I do not want to react like you did GoodRed, which I am wont to do. react with anger. no good.
share...I know it's sounds crazy to you man, but sooner or later you must find the courage to find that ex of yours and give your best shot at apologizing for all that rage. Do not ask to be friends again (such things happen ont heir own), but do apologize in the most strong way you are able to.
You could also of course send her a written version of it, but I guess you understand the huge difference between choices.
I wish you will find that courage needed and do that right thing.
Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the pastshare
I have and in some ways I feel that this story is very similar to my own. My Summer also said he didn't want a relationship but I stuck around hoping things would change. It never happened. He married someone else and I was gutted.
For a long time I was very mad but I have since moved on and am with someone who makes me realise why it could never work with me and my Summer. Funnily enough my Summer tried to contact me. I have ignored his request to catch up for coffee and the only reason why I might consider it is to let him know that ive moved on and am glad things never worked
When it comes to relationships, people should live by Occam's Razor. The simplest explanation is often the correct one. ALWAYS pay attention to a person's actions.
Ladies - If a guy isn't asking you out, he isn't interested. If he doesn't plan dates in public, brings up FWB, etc he will NEVER want anything serious. Only get into a FWB or any other casual arrangement if you're purely interested in sex and good company. You WON'T change his mind. The reason why he's saying he wants to be FWB is because he's being honest in admitting he only wants sex.
Guys- If a woman's interested she says "yes" to a date invite. Any version of maybe, busy, or "think about it" means she's letting you down easy. If you get cheeked by a woman when you go to kiss her, NEVER contact her again. It isn't that she doesn't kiss on a first date. She just didn't want to kiss you. Also, if you call or text a woman and she is interested, she will eventually get back to you. Her ignoring you isn't code for "call and text me more".
The reason why I've done so well with women over the years is that I excel in common sense, and focus solely on actions. I invest time in women that ACT mutually interested and anything less I simply walk away from.
That's not right at all. Occam's Razor might be, but the generalisations aren't. People are different. It's stupid when people try to give dating advice yet lump everyone into two categories and two categories only - 'guys' and 'girls'.
shareUnfortunately, I was Tom several years ago. Now I'm just his sad friend who got drunk at the karaoke bar.
"Don't tell me your little problems son, all I'm interested in is results."
Remember when Tom saw the wedding ring, how he rushed out of the party?
Perhaps a lot of us have been a Tom, because we've gone through similar circumstances and we've felt what he felt at that moment.
Definitely been the Tom more times than I care to admit.
Anyone here mentions Hotel California dies before the first line clears his lips.
Twice
shareI think everyone should be a Tom once, and exactly once, in their lives.
Makes them emotionally stronger.
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uh, what do I know ?!?
Always that one broad who acts like she fancies you but doesn't want to put 'labels' on things, or 'just got out of a bad relationship'. I think we've all been there at some point.
share