The first problem in watching lesbian porn is that the vast majority of it is painfully straight, and not at all meant for lesbians. It’s not so much the hair extensions, fake breasts or bored expressions that give it away; more like the long, scraping fingernails. Oh wait, one more clue – the ubiquitous dude who’s enthusiastically welcomed in to give the girls what they’ve been missing. Watching your sexual identity being simultaneously misrepresented and belittled is not sexy. Neither is spending a too-large proportion of your life having to explain to straight men that yes you’re a lesbian, but contrary to porn expectations, this doesn’t give them a right to watch.
There is genuine lesbian porn made for queer women by queer women, but it’s hard to come by (in the practical sense at least).
Unless you know about queer/feminist sex-positive shops and you’re organised, wealthy and self-aware enough to buy your own, chances are your porn watching will be limited to awful videos belonging to friends, lovers or ex-lovers, late-night TV, or – most likely – whatever free stuff you can find on the internet. And for easily-accessible instant gratification, you can’t go wrong with gay man porn.
‘You can’t fake a hard on’
Of course there’s more reasons to watch gay man porn than sheer laziness. For a start, there’s the visceral impact on knowing that what you see is very much what someone’s about to get. Or, as Caz from Manchester explains, “It’s real – you can’t fake a hard on.” Caz adds, “Guys really do get off on being in porn films, whereas mostly girls look unconvincing which makes it all a bit sad. And that’s not a turn on.” Porn films aren’t generally noted for their high quality acting skills, so anything that adds to the realism – such as a big boner – can help make up for distractingly awful dialogue, music or plot.
Writers at lesbian website Grace the Spot agree: “With gay male porn, the actors look like they’re having fun and enjoying sex. With all other types of porn, more often than not, it looks contrived, over-acted, unbelievable, ridiculous, or just plain unfun.” But lesbians, by definition, are sexually interested in women and not men. Even lesbians with bisexual leanings might be expected to prefer straight sex than watching muscley men thrusting together. So why do some of us find it hot to watch sex that doesn’t involve any women?
It may at first seem counter-intuitive, but the very fact that there are no women in gay man porn can remove a huge burden for some people. “The fact of female oppression through porn is a massive turn off and it’s hard to be convinced that girls in films are really enjoying themselves,” says Caz. “I find anything sexually aggressive towards women horrible.”
It’s not accurate to say that all pornography which involves women degrades them, but a huge proportion does involve situations or activities that can make for uncomfortable viewing. It doesn’t even have to involve actual sexual violence – even an offhand ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’ can bring in unwanted misogyny that ruins the mood, and there’s always a nagging worry that what’s happening on-screen could be linked to off-screen exploitation. For some people this is reason enough to reject all pornography, whether it involves women or men. But not all porn is necessarily bad, believes Holly Combe, writer for the F-word and member of Feminists Against Censorship. “Objectification only becomes bad if it is complete and absolute rather than mutable and interchangeable,” she says.
Assuming we can safely discount penis envy as outdated Freudian twaddle, the answer to why lesbians enjoy gay man porn could partly lie in how we use pornography as a way to play around with genders and sexualities outside of our usual experience. Watching gay man sex on a screen or a magazine is a peek into a forbidden world that we’re usually excluded from. It’s taboo and exciting, but at the same time totally fake and entirely safe. Even if you’ve never used a strap-on, had sex with a man or wanted to be a man, the human brain is such a marvellous thing that we can still identify with what’s going on, and get off on it. As Holly explains quite simply, “looking at attractive naked people getting it on is arousing.”
‘Women are sexual beings’
Whether you’re into lesbian porn, gay man porn or no porn at all, no one should be made to feel ashamed of their sexual desires. “Women are sexual beings,” say the Grace the Spot writers. “Women should not feel guilty watching porn. If some women are afraid to watch porn because of what others may think, then they are succumbing to yet another means of controlling women’s behaviour.”
Sexuality can be surprising, fluid and lead to some sticky situations. Don’t worry about whether or not liking gay man porn makes you a bad lesbian. Just lie back – or bend over – and enjoy it.
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