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If I could give one piece of dating advice to the ladies it would be ...

posted 18 years ago by mountain_walrus
52 replies | jump to latest

I am a single male in my mid 20's. If I could give ladies one peice of advice about dating it would be this:

When a guy asks you out on a date, respond to him with one of the following answers:

Option 1. Yes

Use this option if you would like to go on a date with the guy and you will be available.

Option 2. "No, I am not available, but ask me out another time." or "I'm not available this weekend, but I will be available next week."

Use this option if you would like to go on a date with the guy but you truly are not available. If you want to explain why you can't make it, then that is just fine, but it's not good enough if you are interested in the date. You should encourage the guy to ask you out another time.

Option 3. "No, I won't be able to go, but thank you for asking!"

Use this option if you do not want to go out with the guy. Notice that this option does not involve any excuses. Even if you really do have a valid excuse, if you don't want to go out with the guy, don't use the excuse. Don't give an excuse here under any conditions.

Those are the only three options you should resopnd with ladies.

Stop lying and saying that you "are going out of town" or that you "already have plans" if you don't.

99 % of women do not follow this advice and it is SOOOOOO annoying and painful for the guys.

Instead they lie and come up with an excuse that seems pretty valid.

You are not making the rejection any easier by giving excuses.

In fact, you are making it much worse. If you come up with an excuse but you really aren't interested, then the guy will ask you out again and you will have to reject him all over again. Then instead of just being shut down once, the guy gets shut down twice or more if he tries again.

If you say, "No, but thanks for asking," you are still being nice. You say no, but you quickly change the subject by saying thank you. This turns a negative answer into a polite answer.

If you know that you are going to reject the guy in the future anyway, you might as well just say no and get it over with so you don't have to prolong the rejection. It is nicer to the guy.

On the other hand, maybe ladies just love rejecting guys and seeing them in pain. So that is why they come up with excuses.

In the long run, it will be better for you as well because you won't have lies on your conscious and guys will get the hint quicker, so it won't be as ackward because they won't keep calling.

Have some consideration for the guy who is putting himself out there and use one of these three options instead of lying to temporarily make yourself feel more comfortable.

Lying might make you more comfortable for a couple of seconds, but it will make things much more uncomfortable for you in the long run.

Ladies, I could be way off with this opinion, though. If I am wrong, then let me know why. I am all ears.

If you could give one piece of dating advice to guys, what would it be?

[–] MinnieBegosh 18 years ago

I've got some dating advice for guys. Don't ever suggest doing something under false pretenses. For example, don't ask if you can come inside her house at the end of the date because it's cold outside or because you need to use the bathroom or the phone or whatever. In fact, don't even ask. If she wants you to come in she'll invite you. Don't ask to hold hands because yours are cold. Don't explain that you grew up with sisters so that's why you feel comfortable with a lot of female friends. Basically it's lying but it's worse than lying, it's manipulative and childish and women can see right through it and we think you're pathetic. I mean, while you're at it, why not just try fake yawning to put your arm around her? It's just as lame!

Okay, sorry if that sounded harsh. I understand that you may want to manipulate the date slightly in your favor. Just be a good person no matter what. Don't be creepy.

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Manixx 18 years ago

[–] Johnnyisastonecoldfox 18 years ago

Mannix said: "Yes yes, let's all spout out the correct "political *beep* which gets us women. It's not true, women go for looks - then they realise... hey my boyfriend might actually have a personality! I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't drooled over a man.

It's the same for men, and people who disagree are ultimately kidding themselves. Whenever they look at a woman the first thing you think of "Oh, I bet I could introduce her to my parents...." ... No the first thing you think is clearly obvious.

There is no advice towards men, other than.. be confident, most of all - have good looks :)"

I have to disagree, and no I'm not kidding myself. Ya I see guys and think damn they're hot, or oooh not so much, but what I have found is that it is about personality! Some of the really hot guy's I've met turn out to be the biggest jerks, and guys that I've been friends with for years, and didn't originally find attractive, I end up liking because they're funny, and smart, and have their own thoughts and view points, they care about me and listen to me, and I care about them and listen to them.

Sure everyone judges by looks, but only arrogant pathetic insecure *beep* stay in a relationship just because of looks. When guys have all the qualities I described above, that's what makes them attractive!

[–] eightiespusher 18 years ago

Ya I see guys and think damn they're hot, or oooh not so much, but what I have found is that it is about personality! Some of the really hot guy's I've met turn out to be the biggest jerks, and guys that I've been friends with for years, and didn't originally find attractive, I end up liking because they're funny, and smart, and have their own thoughts and view points, they care about me and listen to me, and I care about them and listen to them.

Friends with for *years*? That's the nice guys' case and point. While you've been dating and/or banging the hot dudes (voluntarily ignoring their inevitable bad personalities for the time being), your nice guy friends are sitting there with nothing to do. For years.

[–] dnarasimham 17 years ago

Friends with for *years*? That's the nice guys' case and point. While you've been dating and/or banging the hot dudes (voluntarily ignoring their inevitable bad personalities for the time being), your nice guy friends are sitting there with nothing to do. For years.

Ain't that a bitch? Nice guys always finish last. Why do women end up f$cking the a$$hole and the never the 'nice guys'? They use the 'nice guy' for a shoulder to cry on, use them as doormats, etc. Then the guy who treats them like s$it is the one who gets laid. Women are some complicated creatures.

"I use racism as a tool to combat other racists" - homeopt

[–] blake_mooney8-1 17 years ago

Yes yes, let's all spout out the correct "political *beep* which gets us women. It's not true, women go for looks - then they realise... hey my boyfriend might actually have a personality! I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't drooled over a man.

It's the same for men, and people who disagree are ultimately kidding themselves. Whenever they look at a woman the first thing you think of "Oh, I bet I could introduce her to my parents...." ... No the first thing you think is clearly obvious.

There is no advice towards men, other than.. be confident, most of all - have good looks :)

---------------------------------

Wow, how shallow you are. Good lord. Not everyone is that way, my fiance is not like that. NO lasting relationship can be based on looks, end of story. A long term relationship is founded on love and trust. Lets say you get married, and 5 years down the road you gain weight, or you get disfigured from an accident - should the person you are with leave you because of this? Obviously not - that is, if they truly love you.

Honestly, you have quite a bit to learn about life, clearly.

[–] Verdoux-1 17 years ago

Good lord. Not everyone is that way, my fiance is not like that.

Are you saying that you're ugly? If not, then you just proved the other posters point, that women (and men) go for the looks first and then discover the personality.

--
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time"

[–] o-tadpole 17 years ago

yep...

Every girl drools over a fit guy with a six pack but if said guy is a dickhead then we won't go for him. There are *beep* of people I think are fit but the person I like is actually not very attractive in other people's opinions!

Cinema: SATC

Home : Runaway Bride

[–] Borut_Z 18 years ago

OK dude, your post is rubbish. You're trying to make OP the problem, but the problem are girls and their behavior. 90% of the girls are playing games, are manipulative, are making guys jumping through hoops etc. On the other hand, there are maybe 10% guys who are doing this kind of sh-t to them. Big imbalance.

OP's requests are very reasonable. He only asks girls to be frank with him. It's really sad that that's clearly too much to ask, since we all know they'll continue to behave as they do. Let's look at "why". Why is it so goddamn hard to say to a guy she's not interested? Fear of confrontation, that's why. They are physically weaker and this is why they tend to be indirect. I don't want to be too long so I'll just leave it at that, but I will elaborate if anyone doesn't understand.

To address that bullsh-t about their psychic abilities. This is just a popular urban myth. Let me ask you this; If they can "read" a guy just like that, how come so many of them choose boyfriends who later abuse them? Why do they accept invitations for dates from guys ala Ted Bundy? One would assume they will know something's not right since they are so superb at reading people. They are actually WORSE at assessing the situation/people than men, because they're at the mercy of their emotions which cloud their judgment.

[–] HubertFarnsworth 18 years ago

i'm sorry, mate. but your post is teeming with misogyny. it's giving me the willies.

The OP has a fair point. EVERYONE should be honest, not just women. And you know damn well, that men can lie their asses off, too. men aren't saints while women are the evil witches who manipulate your pure souls and break your ickle hearts.

[–] Borut_Z 18 years ago

Um, if my post seems misogynous to you, oh well... I should emphasize that I'm talking about their behavior at the beginnings, when boy and girl first meet, a dating game, if you will.

How many times does a guy give out his number and then not returning the calls? How many times does a guy flirt with another woman just to make her jealous? How many times does a guy pretend he's not interested, when he actually is? How many times does a guy flirt with a girl and then turn her down?

Generally speaking, they are the ones who are playing games, not the other way around.

[–] Euphrosyne 18 years ago

Wow borut0207. You sound like you really hate women, why not just do everyone a favor & leave them alone?

Maybe, they're not the problem?

[–] Borut_Z 18 years ago

This is bullsh-t. If a guy says something negative about women, he's labeled misogynous. So basically, it's not allowed to be critical about them.

Now I have a challenge for you. If these things I wrote are just my hate speaking and not really true, it should be really easy for you to debunk them. So be my guest and prove me wrong. Why do I have a feeling you will fail miserably at that?

[–] shoepeado 18 years ago

*handing you a tissue* and not for the tears but rather for the "lonely" nights ahead...

*snicker*

You can't control a woman's actions PERIOD. Whether she lies to you or not, you can't make her go out with you OR let you down easily.

The difference is that women learn at an early age as girls that we can't always make someone attracted to us or to like us. We learn to move on.

Men need to adapt and do the same....simple as that.

[–] Euphrosyne 18 years ago

borut0207, I have to say it again - you just sound like you really hate women.

We're not men. Sorry, can't help that - it's just a fact.
If you don't care to figure out what the difference is - just leave us alone. Seems like a win-win for everyone.

Really - if you just think that women are "playing games" with you, look elsewhere. We're probably better off without you anyway.

[–] dnarasimham 17 years ago

Oh yeah, women do play games. But men play them too, just in more direct ways. Besides, the chase is better than the kill.

"I use racism as a tool to combat other racists" - homeopt

[–] Van-Fro 13 years ago

If you start a sentence with "women are" some quality, you will always be wrong. The same goes if you try to label all men, any race, ethnic group, etc. It doesn't work. People are all different from one another. That's where the misogyny comes in -- by trying to apply negative qualities to all women. You do not know all women, but I can tell you one thing women are not all the same as each other.

[–] eightiespusher 18 years ago

But he's got a point...

[–] dnarasimham 17 years ago

NobleEagle, very good post. Your point on women's intuition is very accurate. Man, just when you think you have women figured out, you are just beginning.

"I use racism as a tool to combat other racists" - homeopt

[–] Amry0217 17 years ago

A friend of mine who had cerebral palsy liked to go to dances and live vicariously (I guess) with no intention of dancing at all. Trouble is invariably men would ask her to dance. She'd remark how this particular song wasn't exactly the type she wanted to dance to but sit down with me for a while and they'd chat for a few minutes or until the song ended then she'd admit she could not dance at all and why, "but it was very nice talking with you."

Was that OK? I think it was an ingeneous way out of a sticky situation.
==============================
What would you do if you were me and I were you.

[–] Manixx 18 years ago

As a man, I shall say this is greatest advice ever given to ze ladies... take it to the brain, girls!

"Now, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin'... But I think Unicorns are kick ass."

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] KAnnD86 18 years ago

What if you go out with him once, but don't want to see him again. What do you say to avoid hurt feelings?

Tomorrow's just your future yesterday!

[–] 18 years ago

[deleted]

[–] LorriTiger243 18 years ago

By "women" you must mean "the women I date".

I think that the innate problem here is the over-generalization of saying 'all wo/men are...'. The actuality is more likely that "all" of the wo/men you have been interested in or dated have had this flaw.

And what that says is that you are attracted to the same type of person over and over. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the type of person you are attracted to.

Not that I don't need to follow my own advice...

[–] m_tron32 17 years ago

I agree, stop datting the 10's. Try dating an 8, just as pretty, half the problems

[–] Borut_Z 18 years ago

@ Euphrosyne

Here we go...

You elegantly avoided the whole issue. All you can come up with are some vague statements about differences between sexes and me not understanding them. I think you realize on some level if you start talking specific, the whole charade will fall apart like a house of cards.

You think I haven't seen this before? You think I haven't talk to women about this before? Here's what happens. The mature ones agree with me (yes, unthinkable, they agree with so called misogynist).

And women like you do this:

Step one: They are trying to make me the problem. They call me "misogynous" and/or "bitter" (sounds familiar?). Seriously, this happens EVERY SINGLE time. First line of defense, I guess...

Step two: They "explain" to me that games are not really games, but something else. This is your "difference" and me not understanding it. This is where they go specific (which you refused to do), and I debunk them easily, because they don't make any sense and I tell them what's really going on.

Step three: *silence*

So you tell me, specifically, what is it that I don't have "figured out?"

Try me.

[–] Euphrosyne 18 years ago

Here we go...

If you keep having the same problem with different people, then guess what?
YOU ARE the problem not them.

Stop trying to blame "women" for your problems.

[–] Borut_Z 18 years ago

You're a clown.

[–] Euphrosyne 18 years ago

You're an idiot.
No wonder you have problems relating to women.

[–] Borut_Z 18 years ago

You know, there are some girls who don't consciously realize they're playing games. And they are willing to discuss it, and when I explain what they're actually doing, they do feel bad about themselves. And I DO have sympathy for them and I don't make it worse (although I could) because they just didn't know.

But you consciously KNOW women are playing games when it comes to dealings with men and you KNOW it's morally questionable. So consequently, I have no sympathy for you. This is no way for a decent human being to behave, and you know it. How do I know you know? Because you just don't want to go there. Or, you're self-deceiving, which is in my opinion the worst thing a person can do.

And your constant replying without actually addressing the issue is so lame ("let's not back off without replying, it will look like he won").

Someone is idiot here alright, but it ain't me.

[–] regolithband 18 years ago

Women love games, and they love to be teased. Most will rarely admit this, but it's true. Learn to play them, and they will love you. Refuse to play them, and you will end up with a girl who's much less attractive than you deserve. The same goes for women who always complain about guys being obsessed with looks. You may think it's annoying/wrong, but it's not going to change, so just accept it, or end up with someone you aren't really attracted to.

[–] m_tron32 17 years ago

I used to have this issue until I realized it's pointless to fight bro. Trying to change these things that women do is as likely as me wrestling a great white to the ocean floor with my hands.

What you need to do is look at dating like gambling. You arent going to win every hand, but if you play enough, you will most likely win. Not every girl will be interested in you and the moment you realize this, it'll get easier.

When you walk into the room, lets say 50 are women. Out of that 50, 20 are single, out of that 20, maybe 15 are open to meeting someone new that night. out of those 15, 5 may find you attractive. Beyond that, you may not even have chemestry with more than 2-3 of those.

So out of a room of 50, you'd have 3 possibilities. So the 10-20 that rejected you weren't being mean or misleading, they just werent interested, and that's fine. Besides, if she really wanted to date you, she'd let you you know. Otherwise, why beat yourself up, move on.

I for one don't chase women unless they are "worth it," if not, why waste your time, it's too valuable.

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] BulletHeadedSaxonMothersSon 17 years ago

How about 20? It's far-fetched

A college classroom for instance.

[–] Grumpy_Old_Man 17 years ago

Your best friend or dream partner rarely comes in the package you expect. What people really look for is strength of character and that cannot be determined by clothes, body language, and environment in and of themselves. These things are only arbitrary reflections of character.
And yes, I would prefer it if women were just honest about rejection issues, if only for the feedback. I also don't mind if they play games as long as they're being themselves, authentic and not ignorant. Without that interaction and connection to her sense of self you can bet your bottom dollar she's going to resort to screwing you around.

The most important thing you need to know...
Is that you don't know sh!t.

[–] serst35 17 years ago

Not sure if anyone's said this yet but OP, women do NOT make excuses because they enjoying seeing men in pain. It's the opposite. They want to save their feelings by making them think they have a genuine reason for not going on a date but at the same time hope the guy gets the message that she doesn't want to go. Also, did you use double spacing and that simplistic language because you think women are morons or something?