Retarded Movie Complaints Debunked Volume 1 (spoilers)

It's no secret that Hollywood can often be a wee bit doopid. But perhaps we as a moviegoing public aren't always as clever as we'd like to think we are either.

It is my aim to seek out the most moronic of well known movie complaints audiences collectively spat out and clarify exactly why they deserve a ticket to retardation station. First up: Signs.

FAMOUS COMPLAINT: If water is toxic to the aliens, why would they invade a planet that is 2 thirds water?

WHY IT MAKES NO SENSE: This I never heard the end of since the second I emerged from the cinema. The aliens weren't looking for a holiday vacation where they could sit by the pool with a pina colada and the latest John Grisham. They needed something. Possibly us or other living beings to harvest, or maybe a planet with an atmosphere that supports life because their's is dying.

Now our naysayers in the audience for some reason seem to be under the impression that the aliens had a huge choice. That they perused a massive array of potential planets like a box of Thorntons and exclaimed "That one! The one covered in poison!"

Well I don't know what your knowledge of the universe is, so I hope I'm not trampling on anyone's dreams here, but most planets are barren with no means of supporting any kind of life. In fact, apart from us, the amount of known planets with life on them totals a number roughly between 1 and minus 1.

So this is a compliant based on an awful lot of assumption. It assumes we know the alien's situation, that they're not desperate in any way. It assumes there is a huge amount of planets for the aliens to chose from and it even assumes that they have the technological capabilities to reach those planets. Considering a lot of movie plot points are convoluted and full of holes, it's shocking how much suspension of disbelief this criticism requires.

Now if Shyamalan went into detail explaining the aliens situation to us this would destroy the feel of the film. It's a film aiming for mystery and tension, not a complex Star Trek like analysis of alien life. The fact we don't know the motivation of the aliens is what makes them scarier. I don't want to hear all that kind of exposition anyway, I can work it out myself. To spell it out would insult the audience's intelligence.

If you didn't enjoy Signs, that's fine. But you don't need to come up with a dopey reason to justify that dislike. You just didn't like it. Reeelax.