A movie this stupid should at least be funny

I was going to write a proper review, but this movie SHOCKED me with its ever-piling stupidity so I will just lazily paste some of the notes I hastily wrote down just to express how disgusted I am that movie like this actually got made, and with THIS cast.

I expected at least 'mediocre' or 'relatively bad' movie, but this is the WORST movie I have ever seen. Yes, the worst. Worse than Howard the Duck. I am still ni shock, I want to drink until no brain cell remembers any part of this crapfest, I feel like vomiting, like I have been thoroughly contaminated.


- Train goes to the opposite direction than Rowan Atkinson's head movements would indicate

- There's no way the helicopter wouldn't have been heard by the boyfriend from MILES away

- The whole cow-sequence is one convenience after another in perfect order and completely unrealistic

- Every time you predict something's gonna happen, it happens exactly as you predicted

- The superwoman pilot Kung-Fu Master race driver Mechanic hag (OF COURSE every woman knows what every single part of an internal combustion engine is called and means), claims the car is HERS, but yet has passionate anger in damaging and destroying it. Now, this is the ONLY weird thing that makes sense - this IS exactly how a woman's mind works, heated emotions from moment to moment instead of any logic.

- 'May god strike me down' and then something strikes him down (sigh)

- The train jump would never work, Rowan's character would be either dead or badly injured

- Why does Newman care about the heart receiver guy and getting in trouble for not delivering the heart in time, but not care at all about the trouble he would get in from MURDERING someone?

- The whole 'nazi' thing where he ends up 'looking and sounding like Hitler' is just so convoluted, stupid, and would never happen that way, and in the end, not funny (it was done funnier in Seinfeld and numerous other things)

- The whole 'Barbie Museum' thing is SO stupid, it would never happen, the Nazis would never expect people to casually just come to the museum as if it's just another museum, and expect people to think 'Barbie Museum' is a normal and logical name for it

- That particular 'museum' would've been shut down a long time ago and the Nazis would've been beaten up multiple times before such a museum could even be erected

- Hitler's car ends up in some backwater 'Barbie Museum'??? What??

- John Cleese disappears after the beginning, only to appear for a very short glimpse much later

- How are they monitoring the 'race', except by the key trackers? Why not have proper monitoring set up along the way?

- How the hell does a hooker charge THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS for a completely easy, sexless job? I mean, come on, that's not a luxury escort by any means anyway, and would probably give you a BJ for 50 bucks or less - even if it is Las Vegas, that post-wall hag would be out of business with those prices. What the F? Are we being brainwashed to think the coochy is more valuable than it actually is?

(wouldn't surprise me in this fema-fascist crap turd that shows women as invincible pilots that can beat muscular men easily and survive helicopter crashes - in ADDITION to having a boyfriend that spends HER money (when usually it's the GF that spends HIS money) and so on - role reversal doesn't quite work when you take it this far - it COULD work for comedy purposes, but it's not used like that in this movie)

- Even if it is a Lucy Show convention, WHY the hell would EVERY Single attendant:

- Look, make-up and dress like Lucy
- Sound, react, behave, think and act like Lucy
- Cry like Lucy in an actual, serious, problematic situation
- Use the name 'Lucy' instead of their own, so no one can ever know who anyone is talking about

I am all for cosplay and roleplaying and all that, but there's NO WAY EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL WOULD BE LIKE THAT and not break character 100% of the time! COME ON! This is BEYOND ridiculous!

- WHAT the !@%&!* is Rowan Atkison playing here? He's brilliant as Mr. Bean, he's amazing as Black Adder, he's pretty good as Johnny English - but what is this unbelievable, weird 'foreign man' character? It's like a bad impression of Mr. Bean combined with a completely unbelievable, badly done impression of some doofys trying to do a 'foreign accent' and it isn't funny. It's as cringy as possible, and you only feel shame for Rowan's behalf for doing this crap. Was he this desperate for cash?

Of course, the stupid moviechat char limitation STILL hasn't been fixed. This won't be as good as IMDb was until that's fixed. LET ME POST, damnit!!

Anyway, here's pastepin version of the whole thing, this post is basically just the beginning.I can't be ársed to split my post to many chunks, this movie doesn't deserve it, and THERE SHOULDN'T BE A CHARLIMIT ON A DISCUSSION BOARD ANYWAY.

https://pastebin.com/kGriyc5Z