36. Some folks call a kaiser blade a sling blade, and vice versa.
37. Doyle Hargraves also sings country music, screwed Sharon Stone and terrified Jodie Foster so much she locked herself in a closet.
38. Mustard is good on biscuits, if you trust the word of half-wits.
39. A wrestling match between Karl Childers and Forrest Gump would rule, especially if one of them managed to suplex the other one off the top rope.
40. Karl Childers swapping places with Johnny Depp's kid brother from "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" would make for two hilarious movies.
41. If a dimwit wants to stay at the nervous hospital even though they turned him uhloose because they said he was well, he can't stay there.
42. Jerry Woolridge and Bill Cox apparently go waaaay back.
43. Robert Duvall has a son, name uh Karl.
44. Small towns with a population of about a thousand souls still have enough gays that a homosexual dollar store manager has no trouble finding a twink to bring over for dinner.
45. Karl wasted his time saving Frank, since he just goes off horseback riding to Mexico with Matt Damon and gets hisself kilt anyway.
I think Doyle is the one who we have a lot to learn from.
46. Linda likes to get Doyle too mad to turn back. Does it often too...she must get off on it.
47. Ole' bastards shouldn't tell Doyle to lay off on his crappy music...because the law is on his side and he plays cards with J.D. Shellnut, chief of police. Judging from the hickville that all of this takes place...he probably does.
48. Doyle is persistent in letting Linda know that she shouldn't tell him what to do.
49. Doyle has some tools out in the garage that he would rather not have a retard walk off with.
50. Franks wash sacks are tough. He drags them all over town and not one of them has a hole in the bottom.
51. Doyle says that Frank is a weak little kid because his daddy taught him to be a pu$$y. Nah, from what I've seen Frank has plenty of power. I swear I observed an empty beer bottle flying across the room at about 90 mph heading in the direction of Doyle Hargraves...superman couldn't have ducked quick enough from that one.
52. Frank needs to be real careful or Doyle is gonna make him sorry his daddy ever squirted his a$$ out.
53. I get the feeling Karl doesn't like football, he makes excuses to Frank that he's no count at football and he might play if he's not too stove up. I figure Karl for a baseball man. That or he's freaked out by the Burnett twins bearing down on him.
54. That little tunesmith in the wheelchair wants to go down to the county line too...if he can just get somebody to remember that he's around.
55. If your gonna name your country song "Stuart drives a comfortable car", do it right, put "and usually there's someone in the trunk" in parenthesis.
54. Don't piss off a retard... that'll come back to haunt you.
55. I thought Lincolns and Caddy's were good cars...hell, evidently that's not the case according to a crazy guy who's only interested in big bush's and reliable Mercury's.
56. Everybody thinks Karl is the one in town with all the problems. Nope, that dumb idiot that takes his tiller to the shop to get it fixed, only for a retard to make clear to him (in so many words) that small engines feed off of gasoline.
57. Scooter is about as $h!tless as one poor sum b!tch can be. Something we all could've figured out, without it have being written in the script.
58. Karl has studied about killing his self. But decided against it because the Bible told him not to and if he does he'll go off to hades. Karl is not as stupid as everybody makes him out to be.
59. Karl can't seem to get through to Frank that he ought not talk like that, he's just a boy...but Frank continues to cuss like a sailor regardless.
60. Doyle has a hard time eating around a retard that drools and rubs $h!t in his hair. Linda tells him that that's awful and that he shouldn't be that way. He ain't saying it's right, he's just telling the damn truth. I'll give Doyle points for that, he speaks for all mankind.
61. Karl's daddy says he doesn't have a boy. Well, he's obviously as full of $h!t as that slop jar sitting next to him. Heh! Anybody that would tread through that god awful house to make it to the other end just to tell his crazy a$$ that their his boy...MUST BE HIS BOY.
62. Doyle wants to know what he's gonna do about supper while his wife is out running around with a fag. Once again Doyle makes a good point.
63. Karl says he doesn't reckon he has a reason to kill anybody again. I think it's safe to say that Karl isn't psychic.
64. Thanks to Mr. Big Bush, we now know that all chicken stands on the side of the road don't necessarily belong to the colonel.
65. Mustard's damn good.
66. Karl carries around with him a book on how to be a carpenter...but he actually turns out to be one hell of a mechanic.
101. If a mentally retarded man that's served time at a mental hospital for brutally killing two people comes over with a lawnmower blade and says he's going to kill you, it's best to just sit there and keep reading your newspaper.
102. Lawnmower blade murders are pretty quick and virtually silent.
105. Even though the Police, an Ambulance and a hearse are on there way..there's a corpse in the living room with it's head split in two...There's always time for some biscuits and mustard, mm hmm.
In response to your post, I thought I might either enlighten you on a couple of things and/or correct them. If this was meant to be a joke, I apologize because I didn't find much humor in it.
1. The girl was in high school. I'm sure she could see with little lighting. I could at that age. If you can't, maybe you should see your local optometrist.
2. Uh...yeah. I think we got that. How very tolerant of you to make fun of someone who speaks different than you.
3. Most men I've known - "red neck" or not - have slept in this type clothing. They're not all metrosexuals who wear $500 silk pajamas...
4. No comment. I mean, I think it was meant to be a joke, but I understand why you didn't get it. I've seen your intolerant, bigoted sense of humor...
5. Making fun of someone different again. Intolerant.
6. For some people, it might. Is there something wrong with this?
7. Doyle said they don't. Since it's his band, I'm sure he would know. I believe him.
8. For you to even conceive this thought makes me worry about you...
9. Only if you're a sociopathic serial killer cruising the poorest urban areas...
10. Sexist as well as bigoted against southern Americans. You need some help with your intolerance...its really NOT funny...it's sad.
11. I believe it is spelled Colonel...not kernel.
12. Making fun of different or impeded speech again. Omg.
13. What else would you have liked him to state instead? "I have been cured! I no longer feel the desire to murder!"? He spoke in the language he knew...what else do you expect of a person who was kept in a shed or mental hospital all of their lives? Can you not focus on the bigger picture, but pick out the small things you obviously hate?
14. ...And...? How is this funny?
15. So does Carl's Junior...beef and bacon. You didn't know this? You don't get out much...
16. That's "no account". But since you are obviously bigoted against southerners, you aren't able to comprehend the dialect. So why bother and exhibit your intolerance?
17. So? Everyone knows coffee is loaded with caffeine and caffeine makes a person jumpy. I thought that was common knowledge...?
18. It's only polite. Are you a slob who leaves your bed unkempt or a rich person who expects a maid to do it for you?
19. (I don't even see the point to this statement at all. What was your point?)
20. Figure of speech; Observation. No freedom of speech in your world either?
21. Wow...pointing this out speaks volumes...
22. Most men usually are...
23. And we need to learn this why...?
24. The emotionally damaged cannot form thoughts? I swear...I'm glad I'm at the end of *your* thought process...
25. The *one* thing we agree upon.
For the record, I was reared by "red necks", but people like you are ignorant to what a red neck actually is...and you wouldn't have a good lot of what you spoiled people of today have if it weren't for them. "Red Necks" are working, blue-collar American people...not the hillbilly sheet-wearers they have currently become mistaken for. Your post is bigoted and full of intolerant hatred for whom and what you don't understand. Say...I have some rocks in my back yard for you any time you feel the need to throw them at the moon. Just let me know.