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Things You Learned From Watching Braveheart

posted 8 years ago by Darth_Ferior
7 replies | jump to latest

1) In the 13th century it was possible to be in 5 different places at the same time. All you had to do was defy a king and get caught.
2) Scottish funerals had a tradition where the deceased person's father pulled their partner's hair
3) Kilts and bagpipes were around long before they were invented.
4) In the 13th Century, Stirling had no castle, no river flowing through it, no bridge, and no town - it was just a large field!
5) At the battle of Falkirk, Wallace actually used fire instead of schiltrons.
6) Lanark was once surrounded by mountains.
7) The battle of Bannockburn took place right after Robert the Bruce was crowned!
8) If having a fling with a member of the royal family against the monarch's wishes, when in their presence it's best to keep your mouth shut and stay away from open windows.
9) If you need to hold a private conversation, don't talk in Latin, as it doesn't matter how scruffy the third party looks, as they could talk Latin too.
10) According to this film, Edward the Longshanks wasn't a Christian King!
11) Despite all it's defenses, and the fact Wallace had no siege equipment, Wallace somehow managed to sack the city of York!

[–] RoyWilliamsbeatsCoachK 8 years ago

The biggest thing to learn from Braveheart that completely changes the course of history is that William Wallace impregnated Queen Isabela and the Royal family line of England is a descendant of him.

[–] wendyhull-52071 8 years ago

And we all know William Wallace and Isabella never had an affair historically.

[–] [deleted] 5 years ago

true

[–] AmeriGirl26 (14412) 5 years ago

That stretch velvet was invented hundreds of years earlier than we originally thought. And that all Scotsmen wore mullets and did a poor imitation of wild vikings.

[–] fawltybasil (249) 2 years ago

Medieval Scotland must have had great dentists that William Wallace and Robert the Bruce frequented often. Not a discoloured or broken tooth anywhere.

Before you run into battle, throw your sword hundreds of yards behind you for no reason other than it looks dramatic and cool.

[–] AmeriGirl26 (14412) 2 years ago

12.) Princess Isabella went from being 4 years old to 25 in five seconds and married a wimpy little faggot prince who couldn't stand women.
13.) Princess Isabella was apparently the only woman in England or Scotland who could afford to buy a proper headdress or wear her hair up after being married.
14.) Stretch velvet was invented 800 years earlier than anybody thought.
15.) There's a bastard king somewhere in English/Scotch history who can claim William Wallace is his dad.
16.) Evidently Scottish men liked to wear 20th century metal washers and grommets sewn into their shirts.
17.) The English Army wore armor that made them look like disco balls.
18.) Men wore hoods that looked like condoms on their heads.
19.) Medieval urban legends about that BS Prima Nocta were true and the Scots put up with it for a ridiculously long time.
20.) Robert the Bruce was totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
21.) All decent Highland Scotsmen wore wild 90s mullets with charms and feathers woven into them.
22.) The Scots invented mooning and indecent exposure on the battlefield.

[–] DancingintheDark (1614) 2 years ago

23.) English men don’t know what a tongue is for. 😅