MovieChat Forums > Major Payne (1995) Discussion > Some of the BEST quotes from one of the ...

Some of the BEST quotes from one of the best movies

posted 18 years ago by cmirandabiz
43 replies | jump to latest

Of course its hard to pick, so I can't but here are some that I remembered him saying. Of course, this whole movie almost made me pee in my pants.

"You'll get no sympathy from me. You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between *beep* and 'syphilis' -- that's where you'll find my sympathy."

"I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass the water in my knee will quench your thirst!"

"Bleet-bleet-bleet-bleet-bleet....What are you laughing at, Pig Boy?! You find a piece of candy in yo' pocket?!"

(After a boy sneezes on him) Oh, I see we have a sickly boy on our hand! We'll have to boost your immune system son! Trop down and give me fifty!

"You Remind me of the pillsbury dough boy, if i poke you in the stomach will you go "oh hooo hoo hoo".

[–] fishindrummer08 14 years ago

"Fe Fi Fo Fum, What beanstalk you fall from?"

"What in the world would anyone want with a blind dog?"

"I see you and your friend Cujo here got a little attitudnal problem need readjusting!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH XD

[–] g2orr 14 years ago

Payne: Gotta be somebody need some killin'...
General: I'm sorry Major, there's no one left; you've killed them all.

Tiger: I have to go to the bathroom.
Payne: You hold it, turd.
Tiger: I can't!
Payne: I said hold it, or I'll break that off and kick it around on the ground!

General: Payne, what happened? You've only been out one week...
Payne: It's civilian life, sir; I had a minor setback.

Payne: Ya know, that was the first time I ever drove a man's nose up into his brain, causin' instantaneous death and simultaneous bowel evacuation. But enough about me, woman, what's your story?

Payne: I have eight weeks, to turn you gaggle of maggots into a well-disciplined cadet unit. From this day forward, your sorry asses belong to me. You will not eat, sleep, blow your nose or even dig in your butts without my say-so!

Brilliant film, from beginning to end. In reality, one could probably just post the movie's script in a thread like this; so many of the lines are hilarious.

[–] chewsafeller 14 years ago

"I will be sessative, to his needs....I might a glanced at it once or twice."

"Hello, Betty."

"Pop yo tittie, out his mouth, and stop babyin heeim."
"I dont call it babying, I call it nurturing."
"Well i call it NEUTERING!"

"Dont all run at once....Well i guess i just had that one a comin."

"If you dont answer me, when i speak to you, IMA PUT MY FOOT IN YO ASS ! IS THAT CLEAR DUMMY!"

"Unity! The key word in unit, without the Y!"

...not a quote but when he farts and "Opie" falls over.

aaaaahhh..i havent laughed that hard since i was a little girl. thank you

[–] tnargskrap 14 years ago

All y'all missed the best -- it's my new pickup line ;-)

"Any man that would leave you oughtta be monkey-stomped and have his brains mailed home to momma"

[–] JackDnCoke 14 years ago

My favorite by far will always be the "Who's the dummy now" exchange while they were training and he pulls the grenade. Been a while so i can't remember it word for word.

[–] TorontoJediMaster 14 years ago

Pretty much the entire Little Engine That Could story.

I actually don't think it was so much the lines, as the way he delivered them that made the movie so funny.

[–] highlyed1 14 years ago

Do you dance?

I've been known to cut a little rug!!

[–] Gordon_Gartrelle 13 years ago

You tell Marley Matlin's son.

I apologize for grammatical errors- a side effect of IMDbing on my iPhone.

[–] rick-schwab 13 years ago

"thats a mighty fine hand shake you got there,...wanna wrestle"

[–] Jman1483 13 years ago

Tiger: "Major Payne wiped out the enemy with extreme prejudice!"

Payne: "I'm surprised you ain't dropped about 12 puppies by now. Ain't you never been married?"

Officer, I saw the driver who hit me. His name was Johnny Walker

[–] kwanzaa13 13 years ago

Alex: Major! Where ya going?
Major: Back to killing...you wanna come, didn't think so.
Alex: Great what happened to unity and family and all that other bullish
Major: Hey I never said family don't break up...don't you watch Oprah?

Major: Maybe I like ya.
Emily: That's it... just like?
Major: Maybe I like ya alot.
Emily: That's all?
Major: Don't push the maybes, baby.

[–] GMonhey 12 years ago

"I said WIN: Whiskey, India, November."

[–] dayd1999 12 years ago

From the Little Engine that Could

"He said, 'Major, I can't feel my legs?" I said, 'Bubba they ain't there', then them bloody little nubs started kickin real fast." Major Payne uses his hands to dimenstrate.

Man, I scream laughter whenever I see that.

[–] ss454327-1 11 years ago

My favorite is "Someone is gonna answer for this blood from my lip!"