MovieChat Forums > Major Payne (1995) Discussion > Some of the BEST quotes from one of the ...

Some of the BEST quotes from one of the best movies

posted 18 years ago by cmirandabiz
43 replies | jump to latest

Of course its hard to pick, so I can't but here are some that I remembered him saying. Of course, this whole movie almost made me pee in my pants.

"You'll get no sympathy from me. You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between *beep* and 'syphilis' -- that's where you'll find my sympathy."

"I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass the water in my knee will quench your thirst!"

"Bleet-bleet-bleet-bleet-bleet....What are you laughing at, Pig Boy?! You find a piece of candy in yo' pocket?!"

(After a boy sneezes on him) Oh, I see we have a sickly boy on our hand! We'll have to boost your immune system son! Trop down and give me fifty!

"You Remind me of the pillsbury dough boy, if i poke you in the stomach will you go "oh hooo hoo hoo".

[–] rossco01 17 years ago

"What you lookin at a$$ eyes, you plottin on me boy, well let me tell you something a$$ eyes, WAR HAS MADE ME VERY PARANOID, and when you get to eyeball'n me it,Makes My Agent Orange act up, and it gives me the urge to kill"

"Killin is my buisness and buisness is GOOOOD"

"What the hell was that you little freckled face cartoon"

"Slippery he say's, do you think Charley cares bout slippery, all he knows is slip your throat"

"Bleep bleep bleep, what you laughin at pig boy, did you find a peice of candy in yo pocket"

[–] LaserPoint 17 years ago

Payne - "Did I give you permission to sneeze"?

Kid - "No sir"

Payne - "There you hold it in you big eared turd"

[–] daflopro 17 years ago

Major: What do you want mr. Peebody
Tigers mom: Hes a little upset about this morning apparently he had a little accident
Major: Apparently he pissed all over the front of his pants
Tigers Mom: Maybe because he's six
Major: maybe because he Six? By the time I was six woman I had a full time job.

[–] daflopro 17 years ago

now that i think of it i think she was like a counselor but still i thought that was a funny quote

[–] vice69 17 years ago

"Don't...touch...my whistle..."

"They ain't fin'a get me! Imma be on COPS!"

[–] Cawleye 17 years ago

The Little train that could was best ever

I see you found my record...now SPIN IT!!!

[–] 17 years ago

[deleted]

[–] bezldaddy 17 years ago

1 tubby tubby, 2 tubby tubby

[–] anglo-dan 17 years ago

"Want me to show to a little trick to take your mind off that arm?" *snaps the guys finger*

[–] desifir667 17 years ago

great

[–] bikebryan 17 years ago

Actually, it was:

One, tubbby tubby
I wanna see that belly rroolll.......
Two, chubby chubby

[–] SoleStar 17 years ago

Lol! Funny! At that same part, She tells Major Payne to apologize.. he says,

"You want me to apologize? You want me to take back all those mean and hurtful things I said? Well, I'm sorry your just a little terd that can't hold you liquid out in public! Now you get on out my face before i pick you up and throw you out that window!" .... =DD

(And, btw... She wasn't Tigers mom, she was a counselor.)

[–] harogirl777 16 years ago

" I want to give you something....its a bullet. Its from my heart, left ventrical,
I took it out with a field knife!!!"

[–] g_wales 16 years ago

"Back to killin'...you wanna come?"

"mr. white, can we borrow you for a minute?" "anything....for a lady"

[–] Godsgift06_05 16 years ago

-Maybe, I like ya?
-That's it, just like?
-Maybe, I like ya, a lot.

-Do dat, do dat. Go Tiger. Do dat, do dat;get down.

[–] Heals 16 years ago

I still use
"Killing is my business ladies, and business it GOOOOOOD!"

Others
"Dont push the maybes, baby"
"One, tubby tubby! Two tubby tubby"
"Woman when I was 6 years old I had a full-time job!"

"What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes"

[–] 16 years ago

[deleted]

[–] robocat893 16 years ago

"You eye me one more time I'll snatch it out and put it in Heathcoat's cookie bag!"

Ignorance is curable but stupidity is fatal...

[–] Scumbrkingrat83 16 years ago

I like this exchange:

DWIGHT--Hoooooo! He's a pure genius, man. Who are you, Redd Foxx? Naw, you're Richard Pryor, ain't ya? Heeee.

PAYNE--What's your name, girlfriend?

DWIGHT--Dwight Williams, but my boys call me 'D', so you can call me 'D'.

PAYNE--D...Ya like the way I handle these white boys?

DWIGHT--Oh yeah.

PAYNE--It make ya feel good to see a black man run things?

DWIGHT--Shhh..Malcolm X.

PAYNE--Well, let me tell ya somethin' D.

DWIGHT--Yeah, brother?

PAYNE--Listen close: I AM NOT YOUR DAAAAMN BROTHER! DROP AND GIMME TWENTY SQUAT THRUSTS NOW!!!

There's a fine line between clever and stupid, really.

[–] KJax50 15 years ago

It's way too many to count! but these are my favorites

"I AM NOT YOUR DAAAAMMMN BROTHA!"

"If you...don't answer me...when I speak to you...I'm gone put my foot in yo ass is that clear dummy!"

Payne - "Did I tell you you could sneeze?"

kid - "no sir"

Payne - "Well I suggest you hold it in next time or I'll kick yo ass back to Mayberry" I crack up on this line all the time.

________________________________________
What happens happens and can't happen any other way

[–] santose2008 16 years ago

When you're young you don't understand most of the quotes Major Payne is saying until you get older. OMG this movie was one of the best in the 90's. Too many quotes to pick the best for me. I miss movies such as these that are funny and actually have a story behind it. These movies today are just horrible.

"Yes, the only thing better than a cow is a HUMAN!"-Fringe

[–] simba122504 16 years ago

"By the time I was 6 years old, woman I had a full time job!"

"You plottin' on me boy?"

I'm glad Obama won, but I will not jump on the Pro-Choice bandwagon

[–] divaalwayz 16 years ago

"Killin is my business ladies and business is GOOOOOOOOOOD!" (how he says that is hilarious!)

Deak: Squad! Attend hut! Yo maggots follow my lead.
Payne's not here he's in our a**.
(Payne's not here he's in our a**.)
But's so tight he can't pass gas.
(But's so tight he can't pass gas.)
Sound off
(1,2)
Sound off
(3,4)
Break it on down. Break it on down. break it on down.

"Ni**a why you still got grits? Aint nobody cookin you breakfast."

[–] distant_one05 16 years ago

One! Ain't you dumb!
Two! Look at you!
Three! Don't you ever make fun of me behind my back or else I'll stop you into the ground!

[–] Scarlett04 16 years ago

"Gonna change my name to Pimp Daddy Payne!"

Emily - "Weren't you gonna be my big helper?"
Major Payne - "Yeah, but they started it."

Emily - "And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, edictorial, ego maniacal, frigid lunatic *beep*
Major Payne: "I ain't frigid."

[–] jon-parniawski 15 years ago

"Is that anything like snapping a POW's neck after torturing him so he doesn't have to go through life with a colostomy bag?"

LOL

Classic film...great one-liners...

[–] josefhiggins 15 years ago

Tiger: He's still here (referring to monster in his closet)
Payne: He in there
Payne: *Pops off a few shots in the closet*
Payne: If he still in there, he ain't happy
[LOL]

Tiger: I love you major *he starts to hug Payne*
Payne: What is your angle boy? *placing tiger in a vise grip*
Payne: You plott'in on me?
Tiger: No sir!
Payne: Don't you know I can snap your neck in twenty different flavors!
[LOL]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOa7sLXv_bY&feature=related

[–] josefhiggins 15 years ago

The Little Engine that Could
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3GlIpe2Acg&feature=related

Payne: This little engine mission was to take some AK47's & a nuclear payload over to the mountain of the 2063 Battalion. Needless to say, there was plenty opposition.

Payne: Explosion happen. And blood & guts & spit & a$$es everywhere

Payne: Lula Mae's baby boy [LOL}

Payne: Charlie was all over the place. It was just me and my side arm and I had no other alternative but to blast my way out - AHHHHHHHHH [LOL]

Payne: To be continued ... when I come back I'll tell you what Bubba used as a peni$

[One of the most underrated comedy movie ever]

[–] Klein_Returns 13 years ago

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3GlIpe2Acg&feature=related

The entire movie was funny, but this scene was the absolute best part of the entire movie.

"Payne: Charlie was all over the place. It was just me and my side arm and I had no other alternative but to blast my way out - AHHHHHHHHH"

Wayans face when he says the last part of this quote makes this scene so funny.