Why so much anti-May?

For the first time, I really understand why Scorsese calls this his most violent film.

He never loved May.

It is true, that Newland lacked courage to get himself out of the situation he was in. He could have stopped the marriage, he could have waited the full engagement time that May's family was insisting upon, then it could have been broken off gracefully.

But it takes two to tangle.

Watch everyone's reactions to Newland and Ellen from the get go. All of them knew that there was something going on between them. Ellen even hints that they had a teenage crush. If everyone else knew, than May certainly had suspicions. However I do think she confused Ellen with another of Newland's flirtations.

May pushed the marriage even knowing that Newland was having second thoughts.

Damn, you hate Newland.

I think you have painted him way too shallowly. He rushed off to kiss up to May because he was speeding up the marriage because he was trying to get over Ellen and go back to his original responsibility---marrying May. He was attempting to convince himself that his original plan to marry May was right--that he loved her. It was a mistake because marrying May wasn't going to help him forget Ellen. But he wasn't attempting to be cruel. FOr another thing, he never spoke out against May for her unconfirmed pregnancy stunt. It was a calculating stunt but its not like he seemed to hold it against her. He was as oppressed as the women were but more indecisive. He was weak but also willing to endure unhappiness---he wasn't callous or shallow or unfeeling. Newland wasn't just concerned with image and money, he was duty bound. There is a bit of narration at the beginning of the film that states that Newland's mother and sister relied on him for everything as their right hand man. He was from a conservative family and was expected to be a certain way. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place because doing what he wanted would have affected others as well. HE is not just selfish.

And for another thing, Ellen has selfish interest in mind as well. She wanted New York society to embrace her and provide stability but she also wanted a degree of freedom. When Newland tells her, he is willing to leave May. She says "I couldn't love you if you were cruel" and "you wouldn't be happy if you were cruel" . But breaking up with May was no worse than living with her in a loveless marriage. The truth will set you free as they say. Regardless of what she said, she wasn't too concerned with May's happiness. She was more concerned that Newland would feel guilty if he 'cruely' broke up with his fiance and it would negatively affect their own relationship.But there is a bit of selfishness to her motivation as well. Ellen didn't want to be known in NY society as a homewrecker. She was worried about her rep as well. She also wanted an idealized Newland who represented what she had hoped New York society would have provided (stability, responsibilty and acceptance--a nice contrast to her douchebag husband). When he said, he was old fashioned at the end of the film and didn't go up to see her, he did so for similar reasons than Ellen when she refused to let Newland leave May. He wanted acceptance and to honor their sacrifice. In other words, Ellen and Newland's unrequited (yet untainted ) love was more profound and moving to both of them. I doubt Ellen was even surprised he didn't go up to see her. They hadn't talked to each other in 30 years. She knew that Newland was stuck in his role and she knew of his earlier naivete. . If he had gone up, it would mean that the 30 years of sacrifice and responsibilty were for nothing (other than a period of bidding his time), and he could no longer imagine Ellen as the girl that got a way (as the idea woman who in an alternate reality had turned around at the lighthouse and saved him.). Newland's son was wrong (of course a younger man whose less oppressed wouldn't understand)---Ellen, I am convinced, would have totally understood why Newland didn't go up. She was more savvy than Newland was.



The point of this movie is not to take sides but sympathize with them all---their flaws, weakness and strengths. Think about Newland's behavior as a husband and father. Did he lash out against the woman he was stuck with. He even mourned her death. Did he cheat on her for real? Nope. Once he learned of the pregnancy, he made the best of their marriage and grew to respect the woman's strength. He became a good father with no resentment against the child that tied him to a loveless marriage. May never held his near affair over his head. She forgave. Ellen had self interest in mind at times (but who can blame her considering her crappy marriage) but she also considered the feelings of others.. They all have honorable and dishonorable moments. Ellen also lacked judgement of others.. This is a pretty forgiving group of people.




"You are not only wrong. You are wrong at the top of your voice."