I have a friend who I refer to as Kramer.
He leaves every door he goes through wide open, including your front door.
He comes to stay and will use an entire toilet roll (your last one) in about 4 hours. The bathroom in his house contains a huge pile of toilet rolls as he gets through so much. Nobody, including him, knows how or why.
Every time he stays, he will use your bathroom in the middle of the night and not turn the light off so the light and extractor fan will wake you up (remember what I said about doors).
He buys takeaways (usually the hottest vindaloo) and you'll be finding bits of poppadoms in strange place for weeks afterwards.
He'll wash his face in your kitchen sink and there'll be water dripping off the ceiling, walls and cupboards, and a large puddle on the floor.
He believes in various conspiracy theories and once offered to cure something by "laying on hands" as it "ran in his family".
He lives his life how he wants though, has boundless energy and drive, a wide range of friends from all walks of life, and can confidently hold a conversation with anyone even if 20% of what he says is utter nonsense.
Unlike Kramer, however, he has a house, family and works hard.
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