MovieChat Forums > Roseanne (1988) Discussion > favorite responses

favorite responses

posted 9 years ago by Ditto-head
18 replies | jump to latest

We had a thread awhile back for our favorite responses/comebacks, but since I couldn't find it, I thought I'd start it up again:

Reporter: But if eat fat, won't you get fat?

Roseanne: So? (I loved her delivery on that one.)

Roseanne: It's your fault I got fat in the first place.

Darlene: Oh yeah, like I invented double Dutch chocolate

Roseanne said something I don't remember

Darlene: What're you picking on me for? Did I take the last doughnut or something?

Roseanne inviting Todd to visit sometime

Kathy: After I recover from my operation.

Jackie: I didn't want this blow to be soft! This was the one! This was the one that COULD HAVE KILLED HER!

Roseanne: If you believe in reincarnation at all, this is not exactly the ideal time to KILL MOM!

Roseanne: If you're looking for a job, sorry, but we don't have an positions open for useless corporate suck ups.

Leon: Oh, I'm already employed. As a health inspector.

Roseanne: It's going to be really hard, finding a buyer in this market.
Bev: Oh, it wasn't that hard (looks over at Leon and smirks.)

Leon: She just kept lowering her price.

Roseanne: That's what you do! Bang, right for the alcohol!

Jackie: Well, have another shot of pancake, Roseanne.

[–] BugisStreetAnnie 9 years ago

The 'Labor Day' episode that was on this morning when Jackie is having her baby:

When Roseanne tells the nurse, "County hospital? We aren't going to County. That place is dangerous. We didn't even visit our own mother when she was in there."

It's funny because I've been to a public hospital before and it's kind of like that. They escort prisoners in through the waiting area from the local jail when they need to see a doctor.

"He had Four-on-the-Floor and I was ready to Clutch"🌈

[–] Jack2979 9 years ago

Roseanne talking to her boss Brian "The Little Maggot" - "You got a big booger in your nose".

Becky yelling at "The Little Maggot" - "You are so ugly!"

[–] OldFriendOfTheChristys 9 years ago

Jackie: Come on, you gave me my first sip of beer.
Roseanne: That was different, I was drunk.

[–] rebeccak-71980 9 years ago

Bev: I don't think that's someone you want watching the child. (referring to Jackie leaving Andy with a deaf babysitter)

Jackie: She has EYES, mother!

Bev: You're all DRUNK!

Jackie: Well yeah, its a party!

I could go on and on with this one...

[–] rebeccak-71980 9 years ago

Oh each line they made in Girl Talk referring the Jackie and Fred's sex life - so hilarious..

Roseanne: You mean he'll get in the elevator, but he won't go down?

Dan: You're going to flunk marriage if you cant pass the oral.

Roseanne: Why don't you all cut your tongues out? We know Fred doesn't need his.

[–] Ditto-head 9 years ago

Oh yeah, those were good ones.

Dan: Guess... what.... happened....today.

Roseanne: Everyone.... talked..... real.... slow.

[–] VampyrSlayer333 9 years ago

All from the episode where they smoked pot.

Jackie: Is this the sink? Am I shrinking??

Roseanne: I just want my normal life back!

Dan goes on this long speech about how beautiful Roseanne is and how much he loves her.
Roseanne: ...what?

Roseanne: Maybe this is how we got fat!

Dan: DJ. DEEEEEEEJAAAAAY. You ever notice how we're that sounds?

AHHHHH! That was scary!

[–] jname967 9 years ago

There's a gem from Season 1 where Becky and Darlene are bickering in the kitchen, about their space in their bedroom. Roseanne tells them to put a line of tape down the center of their room. They grudgingly comply, then leave and keep bickering:

"I'll get the tape!"
"I'll get the tape!"

Roseanne: "I'm gettin' my tubes tied."

[–] eurythmitch17 9 years ago

DJ to Darlene: "I'm going over to George's house."
Darlene: "I thought you hated him?"
DJ: You must have him confused with YOU"

Nancy to Roseanne: "You made your mother cry, I hope your happy".
Roseanne: Well gee thanks Nancy, I hope you're happy too!

"You should name the stick up your ass "Hank".

[–] 9 years ago

[deleted]

[–] alanjobe 9 years ago

Roseanne: I thought we were going to run our own business without letting no man tell us what to do.
Jackie: YOU ran the place, Roseanne. You told us what to do.
Roseanne: What happened to that?

DJ (after the tornado): Is it safe to watch tv now?
Roseanne: As safe as it ever was

Bev: I think it's wonderful that you gave up your day to spend it with your alcoholic grandma
Darlene: I misunderstood, Grandma. I thought we'd be drinking.

Dan: What are you gonna do, put her in a cage so you can watch her all day?
Roseanne: No, Dan. I'm going to put her on top of the tv so YOU can watch her all day.

[–] Green-Eyed-Girl31 8 years ago

In the episode where Dan's shop is going bankrupt & Becky throws a huge tantrum upon finding out there is no college fund money for her, screams at Dan & storms out of the room. Roseanne turns to Darlene and says something like "You got anything to say?"

Darlene: "Can I have a pony?"

Always kills me.

"You met me at a very strange time in my life"

[–] selenedm999 8 years ago

>>In the episode where Dan's shop is going bankrupt & Becky throws a huge tantrum upon finding out there is no college fund money for her, screams at Dan & storms out of the room. Roseanne turns to Darlene and says something like "You got anything to say?"

Darlene: "Can I have a pony?"

Always kills me.>>

From the same episode, after the family meeting where Roseanne and Dan announce they're closing the bike shop. Becky bitches and whines, then Roseanne says something like "Gee Mom and Dad, sorry about the bike shop."

And Darlene responds with "Now it's going to sound less sincere when I say it."

(I can't check the episode because it's not on YouTube anymore!)

"