Whoever started the things I learned threads is a genius! This movie is a perfect fit.
1. I can walk around a hospital wearing combat boots, a greasy face, and giant bowie knife with studded hand guard and nobody will notice me.
2. I can drive a old car off the third floor of a parking garage through the metal guard rails and not only will it be able to continue running but it will be able to participate in a high speed chase.
1. The new world order is composed of business men, factory and construction workers and crazy looking psycho guys clanking axes over their head in the sewers.
2. The killer that enters into the grocery and opens fire bears a strong resemblance to a retarded Billy bob.
3. When attempting to kill as many people as possible when in a grocery store and with a low capacity weapon such as a sawed-off shotgun, its best to use most of your bullets shooting at produce and merchandise displays.
4. When a shopping cart full of groceries is shot with a shotgun from the side it will not move laterally but will actually lift more than a foot off the ground.
5. The best way to keep a shotgun ready to go is to keep pumping it even though you haven't fired a shot since the last time it was pumped therefore non-fired rounds are being ejected from the gun.
6. When any hostage situation takes place and someone is shot, before any cops are sent in the commanding officer shall tell his subordinate to "Call the Cobra"
7. You can't be a totally rad crime fighter unless you have a hot rod with a clever license plate that reads something like "AWSOM 50" and have those really huge windshield sunglasses, and have a unused match in your mouth instead of a toothpick…for those moments you might need a light but don't want to be bothered by carrying a bulking 1 x 2 1/2 inch lighter.
8. After entering the store and spotting the bad guy, find nearest beer display and proceed to open a can of warm beer and drink some of it before throwing it at the bad guy, who will be able to pinpoint your exact location immediately even though his back was turned to you and didn't even see where the can landed and his line of sight to the can was actually obstructed but not only will he be able to shoot the can within milli-seconds of it landing and blow it up but will then be able to shot at and miss you by less than a foot which will completely explored a 4 foot Pepsi display as if it had been laced with explosives when really it was a shot gun at more than 30 ft which should leave no more than a fell quarter inch holes in said display.
9. After killing the bad guy it is required to twirl the gun around like in old western movies.
10. Most bad guys plan to blow up entire stores with nothing more than a simple pipe bomb with an effective radius of about 15 ft.
11. Most reporters are allowed right into the scene of the crime which would basically been the entire property including grocery store parking lot and they would already know what happened on the inside even though the only one that witnessed the incident just exited the building.
12. Its completely appropriate to unveil a dead victim when a reporter is grilling you about your tactics.
Bonus: When Cobra gets home after the grocery store hostage incident and is cleaning his gun he takes out his clip and you can clearly see that the bullets are blanks because there is a blue seal over the cartridge opening which is used to hold the gun powder in the cartridge since there is no bullet.
1.In America there are 250 rapes a day.
2.The "Hunters" of the new world really hate groceries
3.Pizza is best eaten with a pair of scissors
4.Cobra hates lousy shots
5.Stopping to drink a little Coors light during a hostage situation is perfectly acceptable
William's post was hilarious. Especially number 8. Kudos.
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If you're a night-slasher and theres a 6'1'' blonde, scandinavian woman out there who witnessed your latest slashing, it's best not to kill her discretely in an effort to make up for your lously slashing skills but to gather up a million men and kill everything and everybody in sight in order to maybe get her too, thus silencing the 'only witness' to the original crime.
shareLOL!!!!!!
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i learned that getting impaled on a giant meat hook, and then getting pushed into a passage of fire is really really painful.
PS. this movie is probably the greatest urban body count movie of all time. i love it for what it is, and im not ashamed.
The body count is tiny in this film. See moviebodycounts.com for much higher kill rates.
shareI just went on the site they had other movies on the but for some reason Cobra was not on it or any Stallone action for that matter
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I learned that when a section of a hospital is nearly empty, and you pull the fire alarm in that section, people will head directly to that section and will gather there, rather than run away from the fire that may be engulfing the location.
sharebump, I honestly don't think I've laughed that hard in my entire laugh... great post, thank you
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things i learned? " the way of the new world" is to take hostages in grocery stores and shhot the *beep* out of shopping carts and produce displays...'OBVIOUSLY!
This Bellini is starting to look like a real Kapuchnik.
#3 really made me laugh
http://www.coprophagor.com/flatmar.htm
1 and 3 made me laugh outloud.
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This movie is Soooo bad that we could write an entire book on how dumb it is. One point to clarify regrading your Bonus. The bullets in the magazine are actually Glaser Safety Slugs, a very nasty fragmenting bullet that is one of the most deadly rounds available. Far more deadly than average hollow points.
Refer to the movie Manhunter starring William L. Petersen. The scene where he is planning to walk the route to entice the killer, a S.W.A.T. officer gives him a bag of Glaser bullets and says..."use these, guranteed one shot stop!"
Just a point to clarify to your enjoyable review. Have a great one!
The Glaser Safety Slug is a .38 special right? Which can be used for revolvers. But isnt Cobra's handgun a semi automatic pistol(Colt 1911 clone?) which would be probably be a .44/.45 or 9mm?
What do you thing???
You can get Glaser Safety Slugs in almost any calliber, for both revolvers and semi-automatics. Cobra's gun is a .45 Colt ACP (Automatic Colt Pistol). Have a great one!
shareThe Glazer Safety Slug rounds will come in all calibers, .38 to 44 Mag. with everything in between, and yes Cobra's weapon is a modified Colt 1911 chambered in .45 Auto.
shareLook at the barrel, it's a 9mm
sharethey are most commonly used in revolvers because some automatics won't feed them reliably because of their weird shape, and most experts would say don't use them in your weapon (for emergency use) unless you have fired hundreds of rounds without a failure to confirm your gun is ok with them.
shareHoly crap dude, that was hilarious! You rule. I can't stop laughing! Bravo dude!
share8. After entering the store and spotting the bad guy, find nearest beer display and proceed to open a can of warm beer and drink some of it before throwing it at the bad guy, who will be able to pinpoint your exact location immediately even though his back was turned to you and didn't even see where the can landed and his line of sight to the can was actually obstructed but not only will he be able to shoot the can within milli-seconds of it landing and blow it up but will then be able to shot at and miss you by less than a foot which will completely explored a 4 foot Pepsi display as if it had been laced with explosives when really it was a shot gun at more than 30 ft which should leave no more than a fell quarter inch holes in said display.
3. When attempting to kill as many people as possible when in a grocery store and with a low capacity weapon such as a sawed-off shotgun, its best to use most of your bullets shooting at produce and merchandise displays.
genius!!
In America, there is a burglary every 11 seconds, an armed robbery every 65 seconds, a violent crime every 25 seconds, a murder every 24 minutes and 250 rapes each day.
8. After entering the store and spotting the bad guy, find nearest beer display and proceed to open a can of warm beer and drink some of it before throwing it at the bad guy, who will be able to pinpoint your exact location immediately even though his back was turned to you and didn't even see where the can landed and his line of sight to the can was actually obstructed but not only will he be able to shoot the can within milli-seconds of it landing and blow it up but will then be able to shot at and miss you by less than a foot which will completely explored a 4 foot Pepsi display as if it had been laced with explosives when really it was a shot gun at more than 30 ft which should leave no more than a fell quarter inch holes in said display.
This guy is absolutely hilarious!!
In your Bonus item, those aren't blanks, they're Glaser Safety Slugs, a blue tipped defensive round that were popular in the late 80's.
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13. The best way to get a parking space is to push a lowrider out of the way.
14. After a confrontational moment you tell that same person you a great citizen.
15. Rock, paper, pizza?
16. Toys R Us commercials at Christmas time ruled.
17. I now keep all of my gun cleaning equipment in an old egg crate in the freezer for the best freshness.
18. One will inexplicably tell a vendor "Sorry, no sale" when shopping for novelty items on the side of the road, outside a hotel.
19. Your partner will smack loudly when answering questions after drinking a Coca Cola Classic
20. Skylight entrances for killers are great, unless you are a killer.
21. Business men can wear suits and clank axes
22. He never really liked the "B*&ch"
23. Tough people are named Alice
24. Skinny models use an all Ketchup diet
25. Hospital walls are soundproof
26. Maintenance men are supposed to use the service elevator
27. Cobra really doesn't shop there.
28. Antagonistic higher ranking authorities always have glasses and smaller guns
29. Holsters would serve no purpose whatsoever
30. Cargo boxes can cause old cars to vault and flip over at a moments notice.
31. When locating a very important witness to a "safehouse" you must first assign a patrolman who no one really knows to accompany you
32. when on a payphone to the "new order" you must think of a cover story quickly in case someone catches you on the phone.
33. Killers always prefer beat up old vans to other forms of transportation.
34. Convertible tops, offer little protection from sharp knives.
35. When questioning the community you must go grab someone by the collar in a bar, while everyone just stands around
"When Cobra gets home after the grocery store hostage incident and is cleaning his gun he takes out his clip and you can clearly see that the bullets are blanks because there is a blue seal over the cartridge opening which is used to hold the gun powder in the cartridge since there is no bullet. "
No, they're Glaser safety slugs. The blue is a polymer cap that holds a mass of metal balls inside the bullet, like miniature shotgun buckshot. They're designed to maximise stopping power and minimise the risk of the bullet travelling through the target and hitting something on the far side.
The worst film you've ever seen?
Nah.
True lbove lbasts a lbifetime.
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I believe I've seen many more bad films than you did, so that's probably why this one doesn't stand out.
http://imdb.com/title/tt0088089/?
I heard from sol- on MSN that you guys have been investigating me!
Sorry, Thomas, I don't get you.
I might bea round later on, *takes a walk!
True lbove lbasts a lbifetime.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107838/?
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I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere...
Can't say I had that one in mind at the time, but it is probably worse than Cobra!
As is this: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0202455/ Or this: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099355/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j1wucWpV8c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Dv9tJAz0jQ
And then, of course, we have the fantastic moviemaker Godfrey Ho and all of his wonderful work. This, for instance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leGWB8Fc9A4
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I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere...
Cobra is the best comedy ever!
Watch this movie with Mary Jane and you`ll know what I mean...First 5 minutes!!!oh god...We absolutely need more movies like this!
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I agree with Jmes-our. When this movie came out on video, my friends and I used to play a drinking game called Cobra. Every time someone says or does something moronic everyone has to drink. Needless to say, everyone was hammered before even the supermarket scene is over. Ahhh!!! The good old days!
shareDrex19,
That drinking game should be a tradition. Add Commando and The Death Wish movies to this and you could be hammered every day.
Great Idea! I'm going to start shopping on E-Bay for a new liver immediately! Have a great one!
shareI thought it was disturbing/funny that the Night Slasher killed that hispanic man for his thick-rimmed glasses, that was quite brutal...
By the way, add Steven Seagal's "Out for Justice" to that "drinking game list." One of you guys will probably die from alcohol poisoning from watching that movie...
http://imdb.com/title/tt0102614/
agreed.
You're a lousy shot... I hate lousy shots/// ROTFLMAO
1) The media are perpetrating a commie conspiracy to allow criminals to run free and do whatever they want.
2) Stupid chiefs would rather crimes go unsolved than have someone bend the rules.
3) A lone man in sunglasses stands a better chance of bringing down a hostage taker than a SWAT team.
4) 80s action movies are the best.
1. 49 Mercs are darn near indestructible
2. Steel mills are often located inexplicably close to orange groves and both are often found within running distance from sleepy rural towns.
3. Streets in said sleepy rural towns are often wet.
4. Everything can explode at any time.
5. It is possible to get movies made strictly because you are Sylvester Stallone.
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"If you're a night-slasher and theres a 6'1'' blonde, scandinavian woman out there who witnessed your latest slashing, it's best not to kill her discretely in an effort to make up for your lously slashing skills but to gather up a million men and kill everything and everybody in sight in order to maybe get her too, thus silencing the 'only witness' to the original crime."
hahahahahahaha. hillarious
"how about... a royal flush!" *loren avedon kicks a cauldron of boiling water into the bad guys*
1. Hospital hallways are always completely empty. No one will help you, no matter how loud you scream.
2. You're a badass if you wear really tight jeans.
3. If you're a badass, you make your own parking spaces.
"I'm not a woman, I'm a force of nature."
i learned that in order to be a psycho mob leader you have to look just like shao kahn hahahahahah
shareLOL This thread is hillarious!
I learned, some people like to have BARELY lit bathrooms, and stare like a psycho into the mirrow as they comb their hair.
1. Cobra believes in a regmented diet, and disapproves of candy bars and sugar. He's a big believer in fruit.
2. Cobra hates "lousy shots", but his judge in who is or isn't a lousy shot is obviously falty. The killer at the beginning is able to hit a moving 12 oz. bottle from about 30 feet away with a shotgun blast. That's fairly solid shot to me.
3. Cobra doesn't want to be a hero, he just wants to get involved.
4. The best place to hide your gun cleaning accessories is in an egg carton. And the best place to hide your newspaper is a grill.
#2 is pretty funny @ Brianveitz... I mean, soon as the beer can hit almost, BANG! It's gone.
I learned that oddly enough, there's a factory with NOBODY but a security guard in it... Things running, but no one around.
I learned that a psycho killer with a shotgun, black trenchcoat, and shades, will shoot at food mostly... Maybe he decided "Ok, I'll make this filthy society STARVE! Yeah! That's it!" then starts pumpin away into shelves... LOL.
I learned some people like Nielsen's character, like INSANE amounts of ketchup on their fries... LOL @ her putting more on at the end of the scene.
He may have attitude problem...but it's just a little one