MovieChat Forums > Conan the Barbarian (1982) Discussion > This is a Monty Python level parody, pla...

This is a Monty Python level parody, played deadly serious.


Most Sword & Sorcery movies, especially from the 80s and 90s, are obviously played for laughs, with broad, unsubtle humor used to highlight the silliness of the story.

I used to consider Conan '82 to be the only really serious S&S film. A recent reviewing has made me feel otherwise.

The first thing we notice is that after the pit fighting scenes, Conan becomes the worst fighter in the entire movie. He never wins a SINGLE fight without being rescued by Subotai or Valeria or some unforeseen event like the falling pillar in the orgy room. And he's not even a real barbarian by the terms of the movie... More like an escaped slave/gladiator.

As far as Valeria and Subotai, each of them gets a sequence showcasing their deadly skills in battle. Valeria kills four of Doom's guards with her sword in about four seconds as they escape after freeing the princess. Then Subotai shoots practically all of Doom's army at the Battle of the Mounds while Conan struggles with only Thorgrim and Rexor. Conan never gets a really triumphant combat victory. Valeria's avenging spirit renders Rexor blind and Thorgrim, Rexor and Doom are helpless at the end when Conan executes them or watches them die in the case of Thorgrim.

As if this wasn't bad enough, Milius has Schwarzennegger play Conan as some kind of village idiot. Look at the weird gurning faces and the oafish moans and grunts Conan makes in fights, and listen to his goofy "Hyuk hyuk hyuk" laughter. Worst of all, look at his hopelessly moronic plan to infiltrate Doom's stronghold.

After Conan beats the homosexual priest and takes his robes, he behaves in the most ridiculous, conspicuous ways imaginable. Rather than play the stoic, mysterious holy man, he ambles along past the worshippers, giving hearty greetings and making Serpent hand gestures to everyone. He responds to a philosophical question from a Doom Priestess with a stupid, low-effort answer. He elbows his way to the head of the line approaching Doom's balcony, oblivious to the spectacle he is making of himself. The camera lingers on all of these blatantly foolish mistakes, making it obvious to us that Arnold's Conan is an utter moron.

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I don't even read your nonsense, You clearly have no idea of the impact this movie had in the arts of 80's and 90s, metal music, video games other movies, in short this movie is important, if you can't understand this you are clearly out of touch with its esthetics. You belong to a low quality culture of a different era

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I saw this when it came out when I was seventeen. Back then I loved it, but now, i can see that what Milius intended was to suck us in and present us with a failure hero. Even the Cimmerian culture is presented as a flop. They get wiped out. Conan's father was dead wrong about the Riddle of Steel, and the Father's Sword snapped in half like a toothpick when it clashed against the Atlantean.

Wake up! Conan 82 is a farce.

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Blasphemy!!!!

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Read my points and try to shoot them down. You cannot. Everything I said about the film is unfortunately true: Conan's incompetence in combat, Valeria and Subotai's contrasting skill, Conan's imbecility and the overall hapless bumblers that Milius made of Conan's dad and the Cimmerians as a whole.

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"Read my points and try to shoot them down."
***
OK Sir, I'll try.

"Even the Cimmerian culture is presented as a flop. They get wiped out."
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Indeed, in Milius' film, Conan is represented as 'The Last of the Mohicans... er, Cimmerians'.

"Arnold's Conan is an utter moron."
"Conan's father was dead wrong about the Riddle of Steel, and the Father's Sword snapped in half like a toothpick when it clashed against the Atlantean".
***
I think any perceived "moronicness" is less due to the writing than to Arnold's limited acting capabilities at the time (although he was, of course, physically perfect for the part).
Conan himself is not just all brawn, but also something of a philosopher -both in the film and books-, who reflects on the world and his own condition.
Milius's film shows very well how Conan's philosophy, understanding of his own way of being-into-the-world, ideas about religion, women, etc. all evolve throughout his adventures:

How he gradually learns that neither Steel (his Father's philosophy -wrong indeed, as you pointed out-), nor Flesh (Tulsa Doom's philosophy) move the world, but rather the Will that wields both (he's seen holding both his father's broken sword and Doom's severed head in the finale, and tosses both; he's able to subdue the entire cult and its remaining followers through his sheer presence, fearlessness and willpower, without weapons or political power).

How, as a child, he blindly accepts his father's tenets about religion (the opening monologue about Crom), then comes to thinks of one's faith as something to oppose and defend against other faiths (“Crom laughs from his mountain at your Four Winds!”), but finally understands that the purpose of God and religion is to serve men, not pit them against each other (Conan's prayer to Crom before the Battle of the Mound: "Grant me one request... and if you don't listen, then to hell with you!").

(continued...)

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(...continued)

How he goes from being a lustful beast used as breeding stock, to understanding the potential dangers of casual sex (the encounter with the witch), to understanding the profound attachment and meaning of commitment to another human being (Valeria, whom he treats as his equal).
At the end of the film, Conan doesn't try to take advantage of the rescued princess who worships him and kneels before him: he instead gives her back her dignity and takes her to her father.

How he goes from the simple, belligerent worldview and politics of a thug (“Crush the enemy, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women...”), to a materialistic world view (his “Tony Montana phase”, so to speak, where he literally drowns in his soup, covered in jewels and gold -and of course Oliver Stone co-wrote the screenplay), to a higher understanding of morality, honor and a more philosophical view of the transience of existence (“No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad, why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that few stood against many.”)

And when Conan is chased by feral dogs after having gained his freedom, he enters an abandoned tomb as a frightened brute still in chains, but emerges from it a free man, with purpose and a sense of History as well as of his own place in the world, after his encounter with the remains of the Old Warrior King.

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Relativism allows anything to be interpreted any which way.

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The fun thing about the Conan character is he was not your usual protagonist/good guy. In the Howard short stories and De Camp novels, all of the several comic book series and two movies Conan was a killer, a thief, a pirate and not very gentle with women.

I’ve always enjoyed the character. He’s without remorse and a bull in the China shop sort, not very bright but always up for a fight.

I guess I just liked this movie way more than you did✌️

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Are you sure you're not thinking of the godawful Conan the Destroyer?

Conan wasn't Rambo, he was a barbarian who watched his family get slaughtered before his eyes. He grew up a slave and then a pit fighter. He wasn't exactly educated or well versed. His oafish behavior while incognito just adds to his character.

I thought Conan held his own in the palace orgy scene, then at the battle of the mounds: https://youtu.be/8mbrk7t2DXQ?feature=shared&t=176

^^ he takes out at least 15 of Thulsa's elite troopers and then defeated one of the main henchman pretty convincingly after ambushing him (yes with a little help from Valeria, that's just Milius adding in a stylish touch to enhance the battle scene and show her spirit is still around). He also beheaded Thulsa Doom.

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