This is always fun. Keep adding to the thread, I'll start.
1. Most of the men in New York City are "tutti-fruities"
2. The two basic items to sustain life are sunshine and coconut juice.
3. Playing scribbage helps erectile dysfunction
4. Jesus likes prayers in water closets with blinking lights.
5. It costs 25 cents to watch TV in a New York hotel
(keep it going)
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10. If you're going to sell your body to a punk kid, see the money first.
Goat at Ruthless Reviews
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Texas grandmas are weeeeeeeiiiirrrrddd.
shareTechnically 14 because some skipped a number and the sequence was ruined:
14.42ND has a lot of John Wayne imposters and Midnight Cowboys, none of which Ratso has managed yet.
15.Hotels for women only are not very good places to score after all.
16.Ratso never tries on Joe Bucks cowboy hat at all and pretends to be a Hustler himself when Joe is not watching.
17. Simply crossing the Florida State line will not cure polio or pneumonia.
18. Joe would rather have his knob polished in a dark theater than wash dishes.
19. Jesus likes to be prayed to in water closets with electricity
20. Coconuts do not defy gravity
21. Pregnant ladies do not notice when a perfect stranger stuffs laundry into their washing machine.
22. The guy at the party didn't know how he got there or why he was there.
23. Death is not like heroin
Goat at Ruthless Reviews
24. Parents, don't let your kids near Hansel and Gretel!
25. In 1969 movies with a few bad words and partial nudity were rated X.
26. If Cassie knocks off a couple of pounds she'll REALLY be a gorgeous chick!
27. The best way to pick up chicks in mid-town is to tell them you are fresh in from Texas and hopin' to get a look at the Statue of Liberty.
28. If Ratso takes you to see O'Daniel he's gonna need $20 just to cover expenses.
29. The best way to convince Joe Buck that you know the owner of a big time stable is by walking by a couple at an outdoor cafe and yelling, "He-HEEEYY BRUCIE! Hang in there baby!"
30. A good way to collect insurance money is by walking in front of a taxi.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)
31. When Joe Buck makes love to a woman, he goes right to penetration, no cunnilingus, analingus, etc.
32. Ratso's cooking smells worse hot than it does cold.
33. It's fully light at 4:30 a.m. in NYC (Ratso says they'll get to Miami in 31 hours, at 11:30 in the morning, as the bus is leaving NY in full daylight)
34. Women carrying ironing boards in the subway always get a second opinion after asking directions from Joe Buck
34. Women carrying ironing boards in the subway always get a second opinion after asking directions from Joe Buck
35. You don't have to be a Catholic to wear a St Christopher medal.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)
36. Being gang-raped by a bunch of redneck good-ole boys on the hood of a car will be forever linked in your memory with granny giving you a hot-water bottle enema as a kid.
share36. Being gang-raped by a bunch of redneck good-ole boys on the hood of a car will be forever linked in your memory with granny giving you a hot-water bottle enema as a kid.This may refer to the sequel: "Midnight Cowboy meets Sybil" (,'-p)
37. Ratso's dad was dumber than Joe.
38. Townie loathes life. He loathes it!
39. Ratso fell. Hey Ratso, you fell!
40. When Ratso gets to Florida he'll become a celebrity a la Don Johnson, but then a bunch of old ladies in wheelchairs will push him into the pool.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)
41. Orange juice on ice is nice.
share[deleted]
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45. If you ever needs cigarettes and have no money you can just sell your blood.
46. Joe Buck has a time machine as night and day goes by in seconds.
47. People wore long hair in the '60s so that each strand could reach the end of the universe.
48. You get to Grand Central Station by following the yellow lights.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of Hollywood... (;-p)
49. That you can be a really hot chick by losing another 10 pounds.
50. That when your lady says the shuffling noise while on the phone is the damn dog..don't believe it.
51. That "everybody's talkin at me".
52. Don't pass a joint to a dumb hick, as he'll keep it all for himself.
53. Be wary of the water\lakes in central park, as you don't know where the Statue Of Liberty has taken a leak.
54. Don't go to a film called 'Midnight Cowboy' and expect a show-down at the O.K. Corral at dusk.
share55. That a person's gotta make a living.
share56. If you don't like dishwashing..give bussing tables a whirl.
share57. If you plan on being a male hustler in NYC, you better learn to be on very friendly terms with the one-eyed snake.
shareI've thought about leaving money for the busboy. Do the waiters share their tips with you?
shareDamn right they do, or I had their heads.
Yes, you can make a lot bussing; minimum wage plus tips. It kept me in shape also.
Sorry, just from your empathy for the homeless and the defensiveness of some of your messages, I thought you may have once lived on the streets.
Sorry for what? No, I never lived on the street. You mean, one must have lived on the street to have empathy for the homeless? That's kind of sad to hear. I was joking in my reply when I said "damn right". Where has our sense of humor gone to these days?
shareI thought you were making a serious point about your experiences in North Hollywood.
shareI was, but that doesn't mean I was/am one of the homeless.
But I wasn't being defensive by the busboy comment--it was a joke.
You mean, one must have lived on the street to have empathy for the homeless? That's kind of sad to hear.
_________
So you do have empathy; but only when it suits you?
When I bussed tables, most (not all) of the waiters were very good about tipping me. I always appreciated it. I kind of liked bussing tables.
shareRascal, I love your no. 51