Favorite quotes from Get Smart?

Max has been captured and is being held by some evildoers. At Control headquarters, the Chief and 99 are very concerned about the possibility that he's undergoing horrible torture. The bad guys, in the meantime, have decided to try a new method of interrogation. They tell Max that he'll soon spill everything.

Max: "I'm not talking. I'm not talking."
They bring in a gorgeous girl, beautifully dressed, who walks back and forth in front of him.
Max: "I'm not talking. I'm not talking. I'm looking, but I'm not talking."

Siegfried: "I'm sorry Schmart, but my men just happen to love dancing!"

In "Widow Often Annie," the epitome of elegance, Ms. Dana Wynter, plays the part of a black widow who has been marrying Control agents, prying sensitive information out of them, and then killing them.
Needless to say, she marries Max, and the scene shifts to their honeymoon suite where the Chief, 99, and Larabee are hiding on the veranda and waiting for their suspect to incriminate herself so they can arrest her.
Sure enough, she eventually admits that she murdered her first 12 husbands at which point the Chief, 99, and Larabee emerge from their hiding place, looking very proud of themselves, and this conversation ensues:
"Chief: That's just what we've been waiting ten years to hear. Larabee, you got your tape recorder?
Larabee (Smiling): Right here, Chief.
Chief: Good boy.
Larabee: When do you want me to turn it on?"

From "Weekend Vampire." Dr. Drago is about to kill Max by shooting him with a pair of poison darts from his twin channeled flute.

Dr. Drago: "And now Mr. Smart, it is your turn to hear my Sonata of Death. But before I begin, do you have any last requests?"

Max: "Do you know any show tunes?"

From part 2 of "To Sire with Love", where Don Adams plays King Charles in a dual role.

(99 kills a tarantula with a jar of horseradish)
KING CHARLES: What is that awful smell?!
99: It's horseradish.
CHARLES: Hmm...it smells like a tarantula.


I nearly fell off the couch laughing at that one!



Oh stewardess...I speak jive.

One of my favorite lines, that I can think of off of the top of my head was by Siegfreid. It was when they were on that island, and KAOS had that giant magnet. Siegfreid points out the watch on one of the sailor's wrists, on a ship out at at sea, through the telescope that he he has trained on it.

Then he turns on the magnet and whap, it pulls the watch off of the sailor to the magnet. Then the dialogue goes something like this.

Siegfried: Amazing, isn't it, Scchhmart!

Max: What's that?

Siegfried holds the watch up where they both could hear it, then says.

"Takes a licking, and keeps on ticking"!

(This was a parody based on the Timex commercials that had been running for years at the time").

Then there was the giant arrow that the Indians had pointed at Washington, I believe. And Max says something like, that's the 2nd biggest arrow I've ever seen!

There are so many great lines and funny gadgets, gizmos, and characters in this show, that you just can't talk about them all.

But, I always wondered, what in the world happened to this show?! I mean, it was so hillariously funny for 2 or 3 seasons, and all of a sudden it was so bad, I couldn't watch it any longer.

Was it their marriage? Was it the move to CBS? Was it the loss of Buck Henry as a writer?

In my mind, this show has the unique honor of being both one of the best shows I'd ever seen, and also being one of the worst shows I'd ever seen! Amazing!

Also one tidbit of trivia for those who wonder, but didn't know. 99's real name, on the show, was Susan Hilton, I believe. I wish I had the DVDs. I'd love to watch the show again, and also check on trivia like 99's name or the chief's name.

I was about 9 or 10 when this show premiered, and I just loved spy shows. So, I really loved this incredibly funny show...still do! (At least, when it was in its heyday!)

Haha I loved them all! Here is my list:

"Sorry about that, Chief." Said by Max to Mainly the Chief after bumping up again, quite commonly after banging his fish on the ashtray on the CHief’s desk, causing a spray of cigarettes over him.
"Missed it by that much." Said by Max.
"Would you believe...", a more complex one that signals a form of inverted Inflationary Dialogue. For example:
Max: At the moment, seven Coast Guard cutters are converging on us. Would you believe it? Seven.
Villain: I find that hard to believe.
Max: Would you believe six?
Villain: I don't think so.
Max: How about two cops in a rowboat?
In one late episode, it was subverted in that the Chief actually HAD surrounded the building with CONTROL agents!
"Of course! It's X! It's obvious it's X! Uh, just one question, Chief... What is X?
At one point, the Chief actually recites that last part with him! Max
"insulting crack about x”; Punch! Punch! Punch! Uh Oh...; "I hope I wasn't out of line with that insulting crack about x comment..."-Max
following a statement like "We'll be in mortal danger every second of this mission." "...and loving it." Said by Max to the Chief after he is issued his latest mission Usually suicide mission.
"Oh, Max..."by 99, usually in a disappointed or dismayed tone after Max has fouled up yet again.
"That's the second biggestwhatever I've ever seen."Max
"99, don't tell me something bad has happened or is about to happen" "Statement of that explicit thing which has happened or is about to happen.” "I asked you not to tell me that, 99."By Max
"Zis is KAOS. Ve do not onomatopoeia here!" By Siegfried Max’s greatest, bitter enemy, by also friend with a certain code of conduct. Usually said by Siegfried to Sharker, his henchman, like for example:

99: How can you move around an island this size?
Siegfried: I don't suppose you've seen the back of this island, have you?
Maxwell Smart: No, why?
Siegfried: We have the biggest outboard motor you ever saw!
Starker: The biggest!
imitates motor sound
Siegfried: Starker! This is KAOS! We don't
imitates same sound but much duller
Siegfried: here!
"If you don't mind, I'd like to handle this, 99." Followed by a repetition of whatever she just suggested. Said by Max, after she suggests a good plan for the mission.
after an Expodump "Would you mind repeating that last bit?", "Which bit?", "That bit after 'Ok, now listen here, Max...'" Guess who said it!
"Of course, the old incredibly specific description of what just happened trick!" Said by Max (Of course)
"That's the second time I'veor 'they've' fallen for that this month/week/year!" -Max

Variants of the following conversation:
Max: Wait a minute, chief. Isn't this classified information?
The Chief: Yes, Max.
Max: Shouldn't we activate the Cone of Silence?
The Chief: Max, do we have to?
Common responses from Max being "I demand the Cone of Silence!" and reminding the Chief about CONTROL regulations.The joke, of course, is that the Cone of Silence never works properly. Except once... and the Chief is trapped inside it at the time, so no one can hear him when he yells for help!
after a KAOS agent meets a karmic death: "If only he used his talents for good/niceness, instead of evil." -Maxwell Smart.