there's always two sides to this one: chivalry's dead, and no it's not, nothing is changed.
I think it happens less and less now: ladies first, holding doors etc.
this is the equality desired by both sexes, yes?
Any women miss it?
I shall continue to practice it live. Juist because the world gets st00pid, doesn't mean I must follow suit.
I would choose civility over chivalry.
sharewhy not have both? :)
shareWell, actual chivalry is based in religion, and we also don't really have much use for knighthood. Politeness is great, but I don't know how much I really appreciate overprotectiveness. I'd rather live in a world where I don't need a man to protect me from other men.
I think society was more civil, there wouldn't be a need for chivalry. If you really look into chivalry and it's roots, it was protecting women from being raped. So, in that sense, let's please have some chivalry. In more medieval times the code of chivalry allowed some men more respect to be seen as gentlemen. There is a paper I remember reading about Thomas Malory's Arthurian code, and one thing that stood out to me what that the oath was not just to protect women, but to also to strengthen them as well. So really, if we apply the oaths of chivalry to today, protecting the weak and empowering them, opposing cruelty, inequities, and prejudices, the world would be a better place.
As for getting the car door for me, I can do that myself. Holding doors open for other people is just good manners for everyone. Making a woman always go first isn't always a nice thing either. I'd much rather that someone I'm dating be nice to me, as well as being nice to those around us. Especially those serving us.
perfect! I was going to mention, when dating, I WANT to open the doors for her to SHOW my interest in making her feel adored. later on when we're past the honeymoon stage, she is welcome to get her own car door, even though I would still prefer to keep doing that.
I feel our courtship tools are being restricted SOMETIMES.
Goes along side with dropping off may baskets on a girls doorstep is now considered STALKING. :D
I feel our courtship tools are being restricted SOMETIMES.
Goes along side with dropping off may baskets on a girls doorstep is now considered STALKING. :D
right! post honey moon phase. I'm done attempting to impress you... we are just two people in love now, you CAN open doors. What I have done in the past is said, "I would like to make tonight special. Let's dress up, and let me treat you like I did while dating... opening car doors, holding your hand, because I enjoy doing this for you and adore you." (not that I don't make them feel that the rest of the time)
That's always worked well.
I am ALMOST controlling SOMETIMES when it comes to the driving, mostly because A) I want to protect her B) I enjoy driving and am great at it, but mostly C) because I see so many girls driving their guy around and he looks like a clown gaslighting his girl, and using her as slave labor. I know I do not really know the whole truth, but it just looks like they are being controlling and driven around by their mom.
That said, there's NEVER been a problem when she says "lemme drive" I'm fine with it - unless it is the sports car :D It has special needs.
"I feel our courtship tools are being restricted SOMETIMES."
Yes, courtship is changing, because the only constant is change and there are fashions in courtship as there are in anything else. You can no longer get a girl by buying her from her father, winning at jousting, bribing her chaperone, or by walking her to church while her family stays ten paces back so you can chat.
So if fashions in courtship are changing, how to respond? Do you whine? Feel sorry for yourself? Get angry at anyone who doesn't respond to a courtship behavior the way you'd hoped? Or... learn new ways to show interest? Or actually the object of your desire what he or she likes, and listen to the response?
From what I have seen most of the time women like it when a guy offers his seat, holds the door, etc. But there are always exceptions. Some women are just rude personality wise,the same with men. Go figure, humans.
shareSome women are just rude personality wise,the same with men. Go figure, humans.
The same with the elderly and visually disabled regarding assistance, some appreciate it, some give you attitudes.
sharethe "always exceptions" part goes without says. it's a simple baseline truth. there ARE always exceptions - but topics speak in overall generalizations.... else there would be a topic, and then a list of 10,000 other side exceptions. would be completely fruitless.
thus...
there are always exceptions.
When there are more exceptions, then perhaps the generalizations are fruitless?
sharehe says MOST OF THE TIME women like it when a guy offers seat. then he mentions there are exceptions.
so most is winning out. I agree. are we miss communicating again? :)
I was just referring to your OP which says nothing of exceptions or most of the time.
do women miss chivalry?share
posted 2 days ago by 123Guy (3954)
39 replies | jump to latest
there's always two sides to this one: chivalry's dead, and no it's not, nothing is changed.
I think it happens less and less now: ladies first, holding doors etc.
this is the equality desired by both sexes, yes?
Any women miss it?
I shall continue to practice it live. Juist because the world gets st00pid, doesn't mean I must follow suit
Exceptions always goes with saying. We always know this.
There will always be exceptions
I agree, some people are just plain foolish and lousy.
I’ve known 20 women quite well and they all liked a fairly decent Gent, there’s nothing
nicer than a good romantic relationship and it’s often up to us Guys to seal the deal.
Give up your seat, hold the door open, carry her bags, look at that beauty and help her…A fellow should take good care of his Girl and always be mindful of her.
Listen for her car at night to meet her in the driveway to bring all of her things in. A Lady never hauls anything into the house, carry her bags Boys.
Men should act like Men.
Nope. That's all SIMPing and creepy now. ;) :D
(You know I agree with your above stuff)
I’m glad you agree.
We are in general larger and more aggressive than our Lady Partners, the least we can do is be kind and move all of the heavy stuff out of their way.
Plus, they have our babies, I can build a deck, paint the halls and cut the grass as fast as you can flip a coin but I sure can’t have a baby!
I wouldn’t know where to begin😄
Holding the door for someone seems genderless, everyone should do it....Unless the person is not near the door, and you make them rush to get to the door while you hold it. I've had that happen. Pulling a chair out, and opening a car door, no that just seems creepy to me.
For Chivalry I would say, my ex husband still checks the fluids in my car, because he knows I can't do it.
Opening a car door is creepy? Let's take a poll !
shareright. this is exactly the problem. try to be NICE, and you are a CREEP. this is how bad it has gotten.
i know, it all depends on the situation, especially if it is a total stranger doing those things, but is it creepy if it is from the man who loves you?
right. this is exactly the problem. try to be NICE, and you are a CREEP. this is how bad it has gotten.
IMHO the difference between a nice, helpful guy and a creep, is whether he or not he pays attention to how his attempts to be nice are received. Like, where does this hypothetical guy go wrong?
"Hello, Miss, did you need some help changing that tire?"
"No, I've got it."
"Here, what you've got to do is use this jack to raise the car so you can take the wheel off..."
"I know, I used to drive Formula 1 cars. Thanks, but I can take care of my own car."
"And then I use this thing called a tire iron to loosen the bolts holding the wheel on!"
"I KNOW, after I retired from competitive driving I started designing sports cars, so will you get your hands off my stuff..."
I think also expectations. Is the individual being nice because they want recognition for being nice? Like change the scenario to.
"Hello, Miss, did you need some help changing that tire?"
"Oh wow. Actually I do. I just can't get this lug nut loose"
"I can get that for you."
gets it loose
"Thank you so much. I really appreciate it"
"Well you can show me how much you appreciate it by having dinner with me."
"Thank you, but I have a boyfriend. I do really appreciate the help though."
"I'm sure your "boyfriend" wouldn't mind. How about coffee?"....
Again, being able to read the room is the difference between courtesy and creepiness.
If your girl sits in the car until you open the door for her, she likes having the door opened for her. If your girl opens her own car door without thinking about it, telling her to stay in the car until you open the door disregards her feelings, and therefore comes across as creepy and controlling.
Exactly!
share