MovieChat Forums > General Discussion > Remakes you hate to see coming but you k...

Remakes you hate to see coming but you know are inevitable


"12 Angry Men" will be remade as "Three Straight Angry White Males, A Pansexual Transvestite, Five Transgenders, And Three Lesbians."

Next?

reply

Jaws. Martine Brody will be a black single mother, hunting down the shark, whilst facing everyday sexism and racism from both the mayor and her colleagues in the the Amityville P.D. (the Great White shark will - of course - remain male).

reply

Amity P.D.

reply

Thank you - confusing my franchises!

reply

It's kinda funny if you're a native New Yorker.
Amityville is a town on Long Island. It's right on the water, The Great South Bay. I've lived there. Its predominately Black.
I chuckled.

reply

Yes, that is kinda funny!

reply

Not because of any wokeness, I can just see Hollywood remaking (and ruining) these:

Jurassic Park
Terminator
The Goonies
The Matrix
Back to the Future
Alien
The Shining

reply

> The Shining

It's already happened. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118460/ A truly bad TV miniseries.

reply

I know about that, but I know they'll do a theatrical movie.

reply

King's novel, The Stand was made into a miniseries in 1994 and again last year. The 1994 miniseries was pretty faithful to the novel, whereas the 2020 version departed from it considerably. King wrote the 1994 version and had a large role in writing the 2020 version, which was wretchedly bad -- not just MHO but the near unanimous opinion of all who were discussing it here.

I understand and agree with his reasons for disliking Kubrick's movie, but he also wrote the 1997 miniseries and ruined the story there. Kubrick's version got Jack Torrance wrong. In the novel he starts off as a troubled but quite sane man who has almost been beaten by life but still has some good fight left in him, and it takes the Overlook Hotel's demons to finally break him. Jack Nicholson's smirks and wild-eyed expressions let the viewers know from the opening credits that Jack Torrance was already on the way to a nervous breakdown. In the 1997 miniseries, Steven Weber portrays Torrance as a weak, sniveling man who could have been broken by a feather duster -- the hotel's demons aren't even necessary.

Now, I'm not criticizing either actor. It's an actor's job to do a character the way the director wants it done, and while I think both portrayals of Jack Torrance were untrue to the character, I didn't think either performance was unrealistic or per se bad -- just wrong. King did not write the 1980 screenplay but did write the 1997 teleplay, so I think it's fair to blame that one on him and on the director, Mick Garris, who has a real talent for sucking the drama out of anything he films. (He also directed the 1994 Stand miniseries, which suffers because of that.)

Anyway, if they redo The Shining, King will write it, Garris will probably direct it, and together they'll come up with new ways to ruin it.

reply

I started reading that thinking you were defending the miniseries, then it shifted from "yeah, the miniseries ruined the sorry" then ended with "King and Garris would find a new way to ruin a remake."

reply

I personally think King hit his peak sometime in the early 1980s and has been on a slow, downhill slide ever since.

Have you seen that miniseries? There were moments of tension drawn out far too long, destroying the effect. Corny, cliched things like doors suddenly slamming shut after everyone has left the room. Ugh.

Looking over Garris's directing credits, other than The Stand and The Shining, the only other movie that I recall well enough to discuss is Psycho IV, a prequel showing Norman Bates's childhood and relationship with his mother through the older Norman's (Anthony Perkins) recollections. Now, any depiction of young Norman and his mother will necessarily have incestuous overtones; not actual sex, but an unhealthy dynamic to their relationship. Some of the ways Garris tried to bring that about were absolutely cringeworthy, so much so as to be laughable. In my darker moments I find myself wishing Garris had directed the 1998 remake of Psycho, just to see how badly he could screw that up.

I gather that he and King are buddies, they've collaborated several times, but IMHO he's the worst choice possible to do a Stephen King story. Maybe King has realized that too. He'd almost certainly have veto power over the choice of a director to do one of his stories, and he and Garris haven't collaborated since 2011.

reply

I haven't seen the miniseries, but I remember watching YouTube videos on it and it looked really bad. I recall seeing a CGI hose with teeth on the wall of the hotel and it came toward the camera. It has such a typical 90s movie look.

reply

Sounds more like the paranoid fantasy of a bigot than anything that's actually going to happen.

reply

I was mocking Hollywood, not gays/transgenders/etc, you fool.

reply

brokeback mountain - rumble in the valley

three men and a silverback

batman returns defective consumer electronics products

reply

> batman returns defective consumer electronics products

Ha! How about this one? -- Omen IV: The Awakening Of My Cat

reply

Back to the Future.

Martina will time-travel 30 years into the past where her father will hit on her, causing her to return to the present and file sexual harassment charges against him.

reply

> Martina will time-travel 30 years into the past where her father will hit on her, causing her to return to the present and file sexual harassment charges against him.

LOL, but that's also got me thinking. Our society has never really come to terms with the fact that females can be sexual predators, and so when Marty's mom hits on him it can come off as funny -- OK, she's not a predator, she feels a connection with him but misunderstands it. But suppose the genders had been swapped in the original movie, and it was Martina who time traveled back and her father who was attracted to her. Couldn't do that without a considerable "ick" factor, I don't think.

reply

[deleted]

I hadn't seen that; thanks for the laugh!

reply