Bullying


Intrinsic to human nature or no?

Recently was accused here of living in a bubble, that a lot of kids will always be bullies, it's a fact of life, get over it.
Since this is Movie (and TV) Chat, seems like EVERY show sets up an antagonist who is much like a bully, and this person is unsympathetic and needs to be set straight. We try to model good behavior.
Sure, I ran into different kids who were mean in a way, but I never felt threatened as I went through school in the 60s and 70s. I wasn't particularly popular, and maybe I could project some attitude that indicated I didn't deserve to be messed with, idk. Kids who were bullies weren't very well-liked.
So I think bullying is more a matter of bad parenting than hard-wired into ourselves.

What do you all think?

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We are social animals and seek out each others company...that is our instinct and we share it with wolves, rabbits, monkeys, etc.
We have created a society of laws however, and actively try to keep the peace and order
Bullying is an unfortunate anomoly and i agree, a poor upbringing is very often to blame
Im glad more school systems are protecting kids and cracking down on bullying

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What you're saying is a cop out that denies personal responsibility. More than likely you are/were a bully that is trying to rationalize your behavior. Bullying is the result of stupidity, that's why you don't make friends with stupid people. Stupid people will ruin your life, and if they don't do that they will ruin your mind. School shootings run in abundance in this demonic ignorant nation as a result of it.

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Re-read the OP. If anything, he's saying the opposite. You misread.

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Thanks for that. I was a bit stunned when I read this.

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I think bullies exist simply because they feel weak and need to pick on someone to make themselves feel better. I've been picked on but hardly ever while in school. Once I got out of school, it seemed to really be a fun thing for people to do, pick on me and make sure that I felt bad about myself. I'm a really easy target too, my teeth are messed up and I'm fat. Also I'm southern so you can imagine the generic jokes I've heard in the past.

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I'm sorry, waitress. People tend to forget that bullies exist in the adult world as well. You're spot-on about why bullies do what they do. They're projecting their feelings about themselves onto people they see as easy targets.

I wasn't bullied until my freshman year of HS and for two years I was gossiped about, called a slut and constantly made to feel like I didn't matter. Luckily I had friends to lean on but those were still some hard times.

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Its okay :) I've accepted the things that people in the past teased me about and nothing bothers me now. I'm confident and refuse to let anyone even try to bring me down.

Glad you had a group of friends! I hate that you had to deal with that during HS, which is tough enough already, who needs all that extra shit to deal with.

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That's wonderful! It's important that we don't let the scars of our past keep us from loving ourselves and moving forward in life.

Aaw thanks! I'm still friends with all of them to this day. :)

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You are a very good, kind and sweet person, waitress. You are the last kind of person to be the target of a bully. I was profoundly sad to read that.

All bullies are cowards. They perceive themselves to have an overwhelming advantage over someone else, and they attack. Often they are accompanied by other bullies. I’ve never met a coward who liked himself. I’ve never met an intelligent person who was fearless, because they could foresee consequences to their choices. Bullies don’t seem to foresee consequences. Give them one. Either ignore them and walk away, or stand right up to them. I have never met an intelligent person who was fearless, but I have met MANY who were courageous as hell.

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Thank you R_Kane for those wonderful words. :) It was a tough period in my life but I'm much better now.
Those people were, in fact, cowards who hated themselves. When/if I ever see these people again, I will not be the same person I was back then. I'm sure they will quickly tuck their tails and run.

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I know charliekelly won’t take this the wrong way: I love you, my friend.

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I love you too, my friend :)

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So my point is -- do we have to accept that we are always expected to find bullies who supposedly have the upper hand among us, or as a society, can we conduct and marshal ourselves so that kids don't feel at the mercy of bullies?
Can we send our children to school confident their peers will be watching out for them and not let the odd mean-spirited person cause them misery?

I really despair at the notion all we need to do is develop a thick skin and accept abuse as part of growing up.
Sure, there is that element, but to feel there is no way out, and no one cares about your predicament, that's a crappy culture to live in, and I hope we are better than that.

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I hope we are better than that too. I like to think that MOST people are.

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Kids who bully may have been bullied at some point or abused. They are very insecure and use bullying as a sign that they are dominating another person. Bullies never pick on someone their own size, but on vulnerable kids. I'm not condoning bullying at all. Bullying should not be tolerated.

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Try not to sympathize with these people. They are just sadists. Insecure or not. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l93wAqnPQwk

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Did you see this?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv0iLG6Z7UE

👍

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Obviously a part of human nature.

We probably won't end it completely, but we can at least do our parts to discourage it.

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But it seems to have become worse in the digital age. I can't think of a single incident from my childhood and beyond where a classmate committed suicide because of having been bullied. I do, however, have a very vivid memory of a bully in high school who did, not long after graduating. He was very popular, from a prominent family and the world was his oyster at the time.

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Bullying should be defined. When I was in school it was used for those kids who physically abused weaker kids, hitting, tripping, shoving, etc., combined with verbal abuse. Today it seems to cover every little thing, including being rude and teasing.

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Thanks for responding. I'm fascinated about whether we are striving to be better or are we doomed to be animals enslaved to our worse impulses.

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Bullies are like dogs in a pack. One dog may not attack, but put two or three together and they revert to their wild state. Bullies lower themselves to that level. All it takes is one heathen with no discipline to pick on someone and the “game is afoot”. Another joins in, then another who thinks this type of behavior is fun and will become part of the pack. All who join this pack, like rabid dogs are now the big cheese. They don’t stop with a classmate being victimized. They go after crossing guards, bus monitors (as in the video) teachers, anyone can be a target. If another adult steps in the bullies parent(s) threaten to sue or they become the adult bullies. I despise these types of the human race as they are souless.

They strut their stuff while zeroing in on someone for no just cause. Maybe the person is shy, overweight, a loner, submissive, etc. They can make an undeserving classmate’s life a living hell. Next comes the internet part of this game, lies abound, photos are photoshopped to look like the victim. The victim is constantly harassed and retreats to a corner, becomes ill so s/he doesn’t have to attend school. There’s no way out. If the parent complains it exacerbates the situation. For many, sad to say. the way out is suicide. I’ve known many parents who have had to pull their child out of school to be taught by online teaching. The worst most destructive bullies? Teenage sassy bitches.

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Extremely well articulated once again, my wise and knowledgeable friend. Some years back, a very smart co-worker and friend talked me into reading Ann Coulter's Demonic about a mob mentality, which he loaned me. I never read the entire book but enough to see she was spot on with some of her observations. It reinforced some of mine because I developed independence at a very young age and evolved into somewhat of a rebel who didn't like to follow a crowd. I had a very negative and stressful experience once with a labor union at a new job because I didn't want to join right away. It was the most hostile, hateful bunch of people I have ever worked with.

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I hit the add reply by accident! I will begin again. I’m tired.

Thank you, dear db. My friend with whom I’m visiting here in Florida has just become aware her granddaughter, who is a lovely young lady turning 14 this month, is being harassed (bullied) at school. The young lady is bright, articulate, well disciplined, but not gregarious with those she doesn’t know well. She’s not a follower so therefore she is being singled out I believe due to jealousy.

My friend of course wants to run interference. I’ve attempted to convey to her that would be the worst thing she should do. The mother feels the same as I do. She assured my friend she’s “on top of the situation” and working with her daughter to be able to resolve the situation. She stated she will step in if the situation is not resolved, if the harassment continues, but she also is concerned about reprisal. It’s difficult being a parent nowadays. The parent wants to protect, but on the other hand the parent hopes the child will be able to “handle” life’s unpleasantries by her/him self. It’s a tough world out there. Children should not fear going to school. Too many broken families with undisciplined kids who are wanton to do harm.

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I can relate to the jealousy aspect. I've been forced to deal with jealous adversaries in my life more than enough to where I've become pretty good at spotting it, even though they do their damnedest to camouflage it as something else.

I've always loved children, maybe now more than ever because they can often brighten an otherwise bad day for me. I sometimes try to imagine being a parent in today's world and it really messes with my mind. Suicide because of bullying and active school shooters were nonexistent in my day.

The company where I dealt with the hostile union workers was eventually shut down completely after decades of being a major employer. The day the news broke, I rejoiced and exclaimed to myself, " Yes, there is a God ! "

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I don’t blame you. I’ve had family members besieged by union thugs. I have one who was blackballed. There was a time in the long ago past where unions were needed, but no longer. I worked for a huge electronics co which was not unionized. Guess what! We rcvd the same pay, the same benefits, maybe better. We didn’t strike so therefore I could go to work everday without being called a “scab!. Great retirement package through Profit Sharing. I throughly enjoyed working there.

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This is where I wonder if I've lost contact with reality, or maybe there is some hysterical fringe seeing maladjusted behavior around every corner. And if true, where does this come from? Seems to me, we've made every effort to model good behavior in how we treat each other, and while there are always outliers (cretins), there should be an overwhelming amount of sympathetic types that assure the afflicted They Are Not Alone.
I remember one of the bigger guys at my high school. At one time I thought we were friends, then later felt I had fallen out of favor. Some other bully tried to pull crap on me, and this guy warned him to lay off. Heck that same guy smashed a water polo ball smack into my face! I was game and didn't cry the blues, but it wasn't that bad and overall, I felt I had enough respect that I wasn't there only for someone else's derision and amusement. Not only did I have my own back, but others in some secret corners had it as well.
These days, I would hope if a kid has some odd social quirks, other kids parents would have raised them well enough, they would respond with support and sympathy, not with antipathy for the weirdo outsider.
This is where I wonder if we have better angels we respond to, or if at heart, we're just crappy people.

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