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9 yr old's suicide for bullying for saying he's gay. This is maddening! 9 yr olds don't know

posted 6 years ago by ProductionNow (1072)
59 replies | jump to latest

A 9 yr old has not even entered puberty, yet he he decides to tell all classmates he's gay, and is bullied until he ends his life four days later. The fact that a child would know about suicide is also distorted. We have to stop exposing 9 yr olds to things which makes them even ponder if they are gay, transsexual, etc.. It's too young, not "progressive" of society. Of course the kids were going to bully him, but this rushed-exposure for a child so young to be examining sex and their sexuality is a sign that something is really wrong. They should be focusing on what toy they favor, or spending their time playing--not being influenced by something out of their realm.
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A Denver mom says her 9-year-old son died by suicide in their home on Thursday after experiencing bullying in school. She is now sharing the story in hopes of shining a light on bullying and suicide, KDVR reports.

Leia Pierce says bullying was a factor in the death of her son, Jamel Myles, who started fourth grade just last week. Over the summer, Jamel came out to his mother as gay, she said. "(H)e looked so scared when he told me. He was like, 'Mom I'm gay.' And I thought he was playing, so I looked back because I was driving, and he was all curled up, so scared. And I said, I still love you," Pierce told the station.

Jamel wanted to tell his classmates at Joe Shoemaker Elementary School. "He went to school and said he was going tell people he's gay because he's proud of himself," the mother said.

She said when her son came out, he also opened up about wanting to dress more femininely. Pierce said her son told her, "I know you buy me boy stuff because I'm a boy, but I'd rather dress like a girl."

Just four days after starting school last week and coming out to his classmates, Jamel took his own life. Pierce told KDVR that bullying was a factor.

"Four days is all it took at school. I could just imagine what they said to him," Pierce said. "My son told my oldest daughter the kids at school told him to kill himself. I'm just sad he didn't come to me."

The Denver Post reports the coroner's office confirmed the child's death was a suicide, and the Denver Public Schools sent a letter to families about the incident on Friday. The school district said it's providing extra social workers and a crisis team for students. In a statement, the district also said it will continue to offer support to the boy's family.

"We should have accountability for bullying ... I think the parent should be held [responsible] because obviously the parents are either teaching them to be like that, or they're treating them like that," Pierce said of school bullies. She said she hopes no parent ever has to go through this pain because their child is different from everyone else.

For immediate help if you are in a crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), which is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All calls are confidential.

After a suicide attempt, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention recommends putting together a safety plan, a list of coping and support strategies for when someone is distressed or in a suicidal crisis. The Stanley-Brown Safety Plan app has been approved by the AFSP.

[–] MIchiganJFrogg (-35) 6 years ago

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[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

Bullying is what kids do naturally, though it's wrong. There's a difference between a 9 yr old who bullies and a 16 yr old. But , instead of just focusing on the parents of those who bully, take a look at the this child's mother. He tells her he's gay, and she says "I love you anyway" (or whatever it was). He also told her he was going to tell everyone in class too? Would not a mother with a practical, realistic mind discourage him from even fixating on the topic? No, she's not being hip by her free n' easy style, not at his age. That does not mean Of course, we sympathize with her for losing her child, but you have to think about who is filling the heads of young children; it's the reciprocal of the parents who dont' discourage their kids to bully. When I was 9 yrs old, we did not have the remote thought to bully another kid over sex.

[–] samoanjoes (56646) 6 years ago

I agree. I blame the mother. Kids are cruel because they don't know any better. The kid is not old enough to know how they feel. It might even change when they're older.

[–] Burk48917 (11356) 6 years ago

Today's parents metaphorically wrap their kids in bubble wrap and convince them that everything will always be perfect. The reality is different. Parents should be telling kids that the world can be hard, you won't be able to avoid dealing with assholes, some people will see the world from a different perspective than you, and you need to learn to accept these facts and deal with them because they are unavoidable.

[–] MIchiganJFrogg (-35) 6 years ago

[deleted]

[–] Kawada_Kira (7282) 6 years ago

I was about nine when I started liking girls. I don't see why a nine year old couldn't know that he likes boys.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

You liked them in a sexual way? 9 yrs old seems like a rare age to be in puberty (more so for males) Yet, this victim was also questioning his gender by telling his mom he felt more feminine than masculine, and wanted to symbolize that. This is not the first report where this has happened, but the other victim in the news was older. In other words, if a given child is constantly exposed to something, they will start believing it about themselves. There is nothing wrong with homosexuality but give oneself a chance to really identify. Other young children are not going to be so accepting.

[–] Kawada_Kira (7282) 6 years ago

It doesn't have to be sexual. Did you never have a crush on another kid when you were little? I never had a crush on a boy, but I had crushes on girls. The first girl I had a crush on, I was about 9, maybe even 8, I'm not sure (the girl in question was my classmate starting in third grade, not sure how long it took before I started to like her). If this kid liked boys, then he was gay.

And as for exposure, give me a break. How about every Disney children's movie ever with all their romance plots about the prince and princess finding each other? How is that ok but kids being aware of men loving men or women loving women is not? What is the difference, and why is the one ok but the other bad?

The only reason other kids might not be accepting is because they're picking up on the same societal bigotry you're espousing here, something they learn from their parents. Homophobia is a social creation, not a natural condition. And I would say the solution to it is to make our society more tolerant, not less.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

That makes no sense: being gay is homosexuality, not just "liking" someone. If you have a crush on a Tv star of the opposite sex and are gay, it's not sexual , but deep admiration. You can admire a person's looks/personality (whatever), without the slightest desire to have sex with them.

With exposure, I am speaking about the power-of suggestion. I was around far enough ago to recall the difference. The media shoves things down our throats these days. It's not the same as love in a Disney film. Children are not wired yet to understand certain things like an adult or teenager.

[–] [deleted] 6 years ago

When I was in high school in the 90’s, if you were gay, you held it in & shut the hell up until graduation was over.

That would save yourself from severe beatings truth out high school.

The closet queens thought they were better off if the nerds with glasses and bow ties playing chess, got the beating instead...

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

Well..that's why I don't know what this poor boy expected. If he truly knew the realities and concept of homosexuality, I don't think he would had set himself up for severe bullying. There's more to this than appears; meaning, his mother's interaction(s) with him.

[–] [deleted] 6 years ago

Oh come on, I had pants pull down in front of the classroom by some bully. I still showed up at the school the next day.

Kids today...

[–] Burk48917 (11356) 6 years ago

Yup. It's not the kids fault, it's his parents for lying to him and convincing him that he will never deal with difficulties in his life.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

Agreed. The coddling and over-encouragement by parents, in an effort to counteract, has a reverse affect. There needs to be a middle-ground. Generally speaking, you'll notice how decades ago, children were tougher, and many of them living on their own at a relatively young age.

[–] catsidhe (1649) 6 years ago

I had such a crush on the class naughty boy when I was 6. He gave me a cheeky grin when he was having a timeout in the corner and I walked up to him and KISSED HIM.

[–] [deleted] 6 years ago

girls are annoying at nine.

[–] PeteRose (2893) 6 years ago

I knew I was gay from my earliest memories, like 4 or 5, and I was definitely never exposed to anything sexual. The first sexual things I was exposed to were very hetero and I absolutely knew it wasn't for me.

[–] Stratego (30497) 6 years ago

A 9-year old killing himself after only one week of bullying? It seems to me like something more was going on.

[–] [deleted] 6 years ago

I think poor Jamal there mixed up their seemingly early blooming sexual appetite with the gender they were born into.

Plenty of gay dudes that don't wear dresses out and about.

I'm going to imagine that wider concepts of identity were thrown as this young mind and wouldn't right off some prescription meds messing up his little head too.

The hardest part of a post-pubescent reality is figuring out who you are and how you work. The brain is much more developed at that point and hormonal urges can help guide you to sate (Or deny) wants. A 9 year old really isn't capable of attempting such quandaries and so was living a life but devoid of all the measures which make up such a life.

The fact he told his oldest sister (What age is she?) instead of his mother about the bullying and appeared to be scared when telling his mother about his sexual preference all indicate mismanaged parenting. That's not to blame the mother here but to illustrate being aware of consequences of situations which suggest fear and secrecy in a more ready way in general.

Sad, but not unexpected these days.

OP, could you learn to link to articles please?

Next up it'll be taken on your word that Martian farts cure cancer due to some copy-pasta.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

You said "mismanaged parenting.. That's not to blame the mother here". The mother if she mismanaged parenting-- not to blame for his actual suicidal act, but for not redirecting his focus on practicing his alphabet, not agreeing on everything he says and seems fixated on.
The question is if he told his mother that he was going tell the other kids he was proud of being gay. If she did not know the consequences, she was clueless (unless she can't help be that way)
What is sad is this finite-feeling that children have about it; that the pain is never going to end, so they have end their life. You're right about whether he told his mother about the bullying or not.
When I was was that age--though I don't remember exactly--I may have known what suicide meant, but to actually think of a plan on to how commit suicide would not occur to me, despite the fact that I was miserable at that age. The whole scenario with this boy is plain odd.

[–] [deleted] 6 years ago

I take more of a communal approach to parenting ProductionNow, yes the mother is one of Jamal's direct parents but wider aspects of the community (Extended family, neighbours, people who work with children and the media) all bear a degree of responsibility for the kids' wellbeing, or at least used to.

When there is a richer network of people keeping an eye out for each other and using their social capital to make their communities safe ones the chances of children pondering depressive or abstract states beyond their ability to parse properly would be much less. Had Jamal been in the Scouts, played in the streets with neighbourhood kids and not been privy to as much TV and contemporary notions of identity which has found its way into media and education alike perhaps they'd have had a few more years to process who they are and who they want to be.

At 9 years old social norms and how to effectively bully beyond shoving are just being figured out. For his classmates to have bullied him so much that suicide was a viable option for him is beyond my comprehension. One so young should have presented characteristics which would have flagged teachers, janitors, cafeteria staff and other members of the wider community alike as being depressed, in pain or acting out of character from their usual behaviour.

There could be specifics to this situation which are unique and not applicable in a general sense but I do think that letting kids be kids before you have them try to be adults is an important part of the development process. It would seem, in the US at least, that this important foundation setting aspect of character is being dismissed and brushed aside for reasons unclear to me.

[–] snepts (11123) 6 years ago

There are so many aspects to your comments I wish we could debate respectfully, but there are too many.
And it's not that I disagree with your intentions, but some things that are emphasized I think there is another side to.
I don't really know where to begin. Carry on, I love that you are concerned and connected with the subject.

[–] [deleted] 6 years ago

soybean prices are falling

[–] actionkamen (23176) 6 years ago

What? Why?

[–] snepts (11123) 6 years ago

Yeah, I wish that part had been edited properly. Took me a while to figure out was going on here.

[–] Wint3rFir3 (7146) 6 years ago

I don't think homosexuality is at all the issue here, though. Kids can be bullied about something else entirely and still feel the desire to end their lives. It's the suicide that's shocking, and makes the least sense. I have a nine-year-old niece who has been the subject of some pretty serious bullying - it was dealt with almost immediately - and I don't think there's anything that would prompt her to commit suicide. I doubt she knows much about the subject of suicide at all.

And as Stratego wrote, 'It seems to me like something more was going on.'

[–] Xenopharb (617) 6 years ago

The premise is invalid, as people don't become gay when they hit adulthood or even sexual maturity.

I knew I was heterosexual as soon as I stepped on the bus in kindergarten. I assume it works the same way for homosexuals.

[–] ProductionNow (1072) 6 years ago

yeah, sure..you knew nothing about sexuality, but knew you were gay. You liked being with the boys better, but that's not sexuality at 4 yrs of age

[–] snepts (11123) 6 years ago

Maybe not at four years old, but little kids are curious about taboos, that may seem almost normal to them. Infants and toddlers spend a certain amount of time naked around their parents and have no self-awareness or shame. Gradually we learn we are expected to be clothed, but kids who are pretty young will ask if they want to show each other their private parts. It's sorta fun and scary at the same time.
I have vague memories of either me or my neighbor wanting to "feel" our female neighbor. We were all friends and there was no violation intended, just a compelling curiosity. And she seemed to not mind being a part of it, it just felt like part of growing up, and I don't think we were much older than 1st or 2nd graders. The girl was my age and my male next door neighbor was a year younger. We all lived within four houses of each other on the same side of the street.