MovieChat Forums > Politics > Tell a joke

Tell a joke

posted a month ago by MarkPh (1052)
89 replies | jump to latest

I've rarely seen a social forum without a "tell a joke" thread, in most forums that's actually the thread with the most replies and since there appears to be no such thing in this forum, let me start it.
Putting it into politics because it can contain also political jokes.

Here are a few to get you started, more to come later.

He: "Your underwear is way too tight and too revealing"
She: "Then wear your own"

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"You look horrible with these new glasses"
"But I don't have new glasses"
"You don't, but I do"

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I told my wife I want to be cremated, not burried.
She made an appointment for next tuesday.

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Due to the weak economy and the need to save money the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

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My wife and me have decided not to have children.
Our children didn't find that funny.

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I always have a picture of my wife and children in my wallet, as a reminder why there's no money in it.

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I haven't talked to my wife in 3 weeks ....... I don't want to interrupt her.

[–] AmeriGirl26 (15113) a month ago

Three men get on an airplane. One has a gold arrow, one has a silver arrow, and one has a bomb. They go up in the airplane and open one of the windows.

The man with the gold arrow says, "I give this arrow to my country," and he throws it out the window.
The man with the silver arrow says, "I give this arrow to my country," and he throws it out the window.
The man with the bomb says, "I give this bomb to my country," and he throws it out the window.

They get back on the ground, and the man who had the gold arrow sees a boy crying and asks, "Why are you crying?" The boy says, "A gold arrow fell out of the sky and killed my dog."

The guy with the silver arrow sees a girl crying and asks, "Why are you crying?" She replies, "A silver arrow fell out of the sky and killed my cat."

The guy with the bomb sees a boy laughing and asks, "What's so funny?" The boy says, "I farted and my school blew up."

[–] AmeriGirl26 (15113) a month ago

My [paternal] grandma, after she was widowed, had a Catholic Italian boyfriend who liked to tell jokes, so I learned this one from him:

There was a museum in Italy that had just opened up. It had a big, beautiful lobby that was three stories high, with skylights, and a massive, 50-foot tall marble statue of David. He stood proudly in the middle the lobby, and unfortunately the sculptor made him anatomically correct in every way possible. It was because of him that many locals and visitors from out of town loved to come visit. Sadly, there were some people who were very put off by his nakedness. Eventually some of the more religious groups demanded that he be made more modest.

So the museum contacted the original sculptor, who proceeded to make a gigantic, marble fig leaf to put on David's private parts, and make him more easy on the eyes of the prudish.

A few days after the fig leaf was installed, a little old lady came in, stood in front of the statue, and stared at it for hours. She was looking up at him and never took her eyes off of David. After a while, the museum employees became curious about her behavior, and around closing time, one of them came over and asked her what she was doing.

The old lady replied, "I'm waiting for the leaf to blow away."