I don't understand the concept of being "Trapped" in a marriage. - By the Sea (2015) Discussion

[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

Seriously, if its not a period movie...how can one be trapped in a loveless marriage. Dude, just get divorced. How are you trapped? Makes no sense to me...unless its like the middle ages where either there was no divorce or women had no rights to leave their husband...or you're the King & Queen and divorce just isn't done. Or its one of those political/arranged marriages where a peace treaty hangs in the balance. Outside of these reasons dictated by the history of the period...I can't see anyone being trapped.

I mean, if you're that miserable (and they clearly are in this movie), just leave. What's the problem?!

Says the person who has never been married.

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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

Says the person who has never been married.

A pointless response to the OP's valid point.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

A pointless response to the OP's valid point.

It's not a pointless response. If you have never been married then you have no understanding of the bonds of matrimony. Some bonds run deep, even after the love is gone and saying "just leave" is easier said than done.

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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

Nothing in the OP's posting indicates their marital status, so there's no basis to assume, much less conclude, that they're not married.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

Nothing in the OP's posting indicates their marital status there's no basis to assume, much less conclude, that they're not married.

And I stand by my comment until the OP either confirms or denies my assumption. I could not care less about your opinion on what I said.

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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

Well, now that you've acknowledged your initial statement was actually an assumption, not a verified fact, I'm quite content.

As for your added, unnecessary insult, that's quite alight. I don't care about your opinion either, and you've demonstrated that mature discussion isn't your forte anyway.

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[–] 9 years ago

[deleted]

[–] sfmar 9 years ago

I suggest you reread your own initial response to the OP before you discuss the issue of maturity.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

I suggest you reread your own initial response to the OP before you discuss the issue of maturity.

There was nothing wrong with my initial response. It was a simple statement and why you took offence from it and came in all guns blazing is anybody's guess -- but then that's usually what happens when people assume things.

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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

There was nothing wrong with my initial response.

Well, I just disagree. I found it presumptive and rude, and you didn't even address the issues presented. And....

A pointless response to the OP's valid point.

is hardly coming "in with all guns blazing". It was no more (or less) rude than your own original response to the OP.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

You can disagree all you want but you don't know a thing about me. I know what my intentions were and I know that you made baseless assumptions about one simple comment. I did not address the points that the OP made because I was waiting for her to address my assumption first -- it's called courtesy.

And calling someone's comment "pointless" is provocative. It is definitely entering a conversation with a bone to pick and highly rude.

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

And calling someone's comment "pointless" is provocative. It is definitely entering a conversation with a bone to pick and highly rude.

Oh, I see, but you posting this response to someone you know nothing about.....

Says the person who has never been married.

...isn't provocative or rude?

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

Says the person who has never been married

...isn't provocative or rude?

No, it isn't, it's a simple statement. There is nothing offensive about assuming someone has never married based on a comment they made.

I'm not surprised since you've assumed everything in the negative and then proceeded to argue based on those inaccurate assumptions...that's why assuming things makes you look like an a$$. Well done and congratulations.

Anyhow, this conversation is boring and old, the idea that you would resurrect it after 10 days says a lot -- maybe you should get out more. I'll leave you with this -- I don't care what you think and I have better things to do with my time than to defend myself against someone who's only aim is to pick a fight based on unfounded assumptions which has nothing to do with the topic at hand. I'll wait for the OP to respond and decide how she wishes to take what I said. After all it was directed at her to begin with so why you felt the need to add your "pointless" 2 cents is beyond me.

I will allow you to have the last word after I put you on my ignore list..."Permission granted!"

I hope you have a happy new year; seems like you need one since you have nothing better to do with your miserable time. Since you are on "ignore" that means I will not return to read your pathetic reply but what ever your response is my response will be "kiss my a$$" <---Yes, now that's being deliberately provocative -- I'll own that one.

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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

All I see here is someone who threw a hissy-fit because another poster challenged their unsubstantiated assumption about the OP.

Everything else you added above is just a self-serving defense of your own immature attitude - you can say whatever you please about others but no one else can object when you do.

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[–] Artemis7890 9 years ago

Nicely put! Don't blame you.

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[–] komninosm 9 years ago

The movie really inspired you two. I'd tell you to "get a room you two", but you'd probably use it to kick each other on the bed.

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[–] grimdeath 9 years ago

"Seriously, if its not a period movie...how can one be trapped in a loveless marriage. Dude, just get divorced. How are you trapped?"

BIBSo what exactly does the above comment mean, if it ‘doesn’t’ indicate their marital status? The whole movie was about the two characters’ marriage. They were both wearing wedding rings. *scratches head*
BTW, in the 1970s divorce carried a lot of stigma. I don’t think they were ‘trapped’ in a loveless marriage. They seemed to show more passion than if the marriage was dead. On another point, my mother was a midwife in the 1970s and the term ‘barren’ was never used.And yet no critic has challenged her about it. In fact the term belongs in the 1800s. It is a deeply insulting word to describe a couple’s inability to conceive. And yet a lot of the hardcore Jolie fans have continually called jennifer Aniston ‘barren’. Is there a connection?

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[–] activista 9 years ago

@grimdeath

BTW, in the 1970s divorce carried a lot of stigma.

Actually, divorce had already, to some extent, lost its stigma by the '70s, thanks to changes in society by then---such as the women's movement, which played a big part in that.

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[–] lisac_2829 8 years ago

1970s did still carry a lot of stigma - especially depending on where you lived in the world. Divorce didn't start having less of an impact until the late 1980s.

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[–] filmfancy 8 years ago

On another point, my mother was a midwife in the 1970s and the term ‘barren’ was never used.And yet no critic has challenged her about it.

*May contain spoilers*

I thought the use of the word 'barren' was inappropriate. I've never heard infertile women call themselves that in a film. It's quite a painful term.

If Jolie wanted to be sympathetic toward infertile women she went about it the wrong way.

I was already not buying her portrayal of the wounded woman, but hearing her call herself 'barren' seemed overly melodramatic and cruel.

And all the pieces matter (The Wire)

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[–] interestedparty2013 9 years ago

They are married. It says so in the movie synopsis on the main page.

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

My statement was referring to LadySpice, who posted the original message on this topic, not the characters in the movie.

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[–] scottshackman 8 years ago

I'm sorry, I may be confused but didn't the OP say "loveless marriage?" I think it is safe to assume the OP was talking about marriage.

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[–] peacefulwarrioress 9 years ago

It is pointless because the person was asking a question, asking for others opinions and experiences and you just responded with nothing.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

Girl, bye!

Move on. Your response is pointless because this conversation is old.

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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

No doubt your response would have been entirely different if the poster had agreed with you.

Please calm yourself - season 2 of Outlander is only a few more days away.

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[–] bek-12 9 years ago

It's not a pointless response. If you have never been married then you have no understanding of the bonds of matrimony. Some bonds run deep, even after the love is gone and saying "just leave" is easier said than done.

Exactly. Not to mention, there are other factors besides love. There are financial considerations for both parties, children complicate the situation. It's easy for someone whose never been married to not understand.

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[–] 9 years ago

[deleted]

[–] 9 years ago

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[–] maifeibu 9 years ago

Says the person who has never been married.

And how would you know she has never been married?
You talk about others not knowing you, therefore they should not speak about you, and here you are posting such an asinine statement as that???

Btw, in case you do not know the definition of asinine:

as•i•nine /ˈæsəˌnaɪn/ adj.
1. silly; stupid, unintelligent: It is surprising that supposedly intelligent people can make such asinine statements.
2. of or like an ass.

I will venture to guess that general consensus would qualify you under both definitions.
And, yes, I know, you being the arse that you are, you won't care about my opinion either.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

And how would you know she has never been married?

Because the OP never answered whether she was married or not. So until then, which has been quite some time now my assumption stands.

You talk about others not knowing you

No, i didn't. I only referred to the OP. Don't get it twisted.

, therefore they should not speak about you, and here you are posting such an asinine statement as that???

My statement wasn't asinine. It is not unintelligent or stupid or assume that someone is not married.

However it would be asinine for me to continue on with a conversation that's over six months old, dead, and buried and have no relevance in my life with a peasant like you, so therefore I'm turning off any further notifications I get from this thread.

I will not be back to address any future posts with you or anyone. So, please continue to have a boring life.

____________________
"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

Hissy Fit #2 - the sequel.

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[–] Eve_of_Destruction 9 years ago

I have been married and I agree. I would never want my husband to feel trapped. If he wants out I am certaintly not going to humiliate myself by trying to stop him. I am worth a little more than that. Good riddance.

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[–] isotop235 8 years ago

Very true. An excellent response.

Fiery the angels fell, deep thunder rolled around their shores, burning with the fires of Orc

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[–] Love_Freddie_Mercury 9 years ago

Me and Mine .. have grown apart - after getting the children raised and out of the house - we are miserable - and will get divorced - but it isn't always that simple ... we are in debt - can't afford to separate .. so we have to try to be civil adults and get the debts paid so we can start the process... paying debt off is more difficult since my husband is a porn and prostitute addict....just had to tell you - it is possible to be trapped in a loveless marriage and not always easy to snap your fingers and be divorced right away. I do hope you never ever have to experience being trapped in a marriage. I NEVER dreamed in a million years I would be where I am now. But, I WILL recover - I am woman hear me roar .. and this lioness still deserves to be happy. His issues go with him .. and I take mine with me.

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[–] scribe_ninja 9 years ago

Me and Mine .. have grown apart - after getting the children raised and out of the house - we are miserable - and will get divorced - but it isn't always that simple ... we are in debt - can't afford to separate .. so we have to try to be civil adults and get the debts paid so we can start the process... paying debt off is more difficult since my husband is a porn and prostitute addict....just had to tell you - it is possible to be trapped in a loveless marriage and not always easy to snap your fingers and be divorced right away. I do hope you never ever have to experience being trapped in a marriage. I NEVER dreamed in a million years I would be where I am now. But, I WILL recover - I am woman hear me roar .. and this lioness still deserves to be happy. His issues go with him .. and I take mine with me.

Thank you. My sentiments exactly. It's easier said than done. When two people have built a history together and there are kids involved, it's not so simple.
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"I'll let you have your opinion if you let me have mine..."

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[–] jeaniebaby001 9 years ago

"my husband is a porn and prostitute addict..."

I've always wondered why men would get married if they could sleep with salacious women all the time for money? :/ oh wait so they could have a family, wife and children who can take care of them when they get old, and meaning in life... he's under the delusion that he's done. he's not.

____________
What Heroin Feels Like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9huWlXFA1s
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[–] peter-rushkin 9 years ago

my husband is a porn and prostitute addict....

Maybe watch the Porn together?
Maybe give him more sex than the yearly sex you do give him?

I've never understood why women think it's all the MAN's fault.

Maybe if you asked him why he acts this way, you both can resolve these issues.

I suggest therapy for you. As in future, these things tend to repeat themselves! As in your next lover/husband doing the same!

😭

Are you an SJW ? If so, please kill yourself immediately! Thanks

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[–] Katiedidd 8 years ago

Watch porn together? That's your grand solution? Then going on and assuming that he went astray because she didn't give him enough sex... wow.

You did read he's addicted to prostitutes too, right? I suppose she should go off and join him in that? What a joke.

What would it take for you to stop defending men, thinking they're always falsely blamed? Sometimes they are falsely blamed, and sometimes it is justified. The fact that you'd post such a crude and fallacious post to someone going through a difficult situation shows you haven't a clue.

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[–] morganseer 8 years ago

my husband is a porn and prostitute addict
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Wow. You got my attention.

I hope I'm not being cruel, but it seems to me that if that statement is true, then waiting will only increase your debt.

If I'm not mistaken, in cases like these you can file for divorce before you separate, so that you will become financially independent and not subject to his increasing indebtedness. I assume you're working and not relying on him to take care of you, because that would be disastrous.

It's a year after your post, I hope you're out by now. If not, beg, borrow, or steal enough money to file. Actually, I think you can file for free or for a nominal fee on-line.

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[–] sfmar 9 years ago

I never said ending a marriage was pleasant or easy, and it can indeed be heart-wrenching, but to me none of that equates to being "trapped" in a marriage.

Would you want a woman or man who just dropped you like a hot potato the minute something went wrong?

Certainly not - but wouldn't spending the rest of your life with someone who despises you (and you've also come to despise in return) be even worse than divorcing?

Besides, my issue was the poster's unfounded presumption that the OP has never been married.

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[–] BlueeRain 9 years ago

Because you really love the person and married them with the promise you would be together forever - until you died. Then something went wrong. Maybe they cheated on you or committed a crime or something.

Now what? You still love the ass. You can't just shut that off. Believe me I know. It's not as easy as you think.

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[–] IvyTempleton 9 years ago

You still love the ass.



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[–] Robbmonster 9 years ago

You have no idea about the psychology of human beings.

People can fee 'trapped' in a marriage for all kinds of reasons. Financial commitments, having children, social stigma, health reasons, fear of being alone, fear of change and upheaval, simple refusal to admit there is anything wrong.

If you think that marriage and family (and adult responsibilities) are just some kind of casual hobby where people can simply up and leave anytime they feel like it.

If you can't see it or can't 'understand the concept', you need to open your eyes, read between the lines, and pay a bit more attention to people and the world around you.

Never defend crap with 'It's just a movie'
http://www.youtube.com/user/BigGreenProds

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[–] kay_rock 9 years ago

You are definitely trapped. Not all traps are inescapable, but they are traps none-the-less.

There is no such thing as "just get divorced." It's not like changing your socks. Yes, it can be done, but at an extraordinary cost to all aspects of your life.

Divorce is not easy, or quick, or inexpensive, and even when escaping the worst marriages, it takes a part of your soul (however you define that) away to go through it.

Movies are IQ tests; the IMDB boards are how people broadcast their score.

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[–] smeaglin-466-803288 9 years ago

I agree with you LadySpice. Life is too short to spend it in an unhappy marriage.

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[–] greg-goremykin 9 years ago

Oh man, there are dozens and dozens of scenarios where you can be "trapped" in a marriage. Just off the top of my head I thought of two immediately (1) One of the spouses is unhappy in marriage and ready to retire, but if he/she leaves the marriage, *poof*, half of his/her pension is gone, meaning if the leave the marriage they will never be able to retire, they will have to work right up until the day they die. That's seems obvious to me as being caught between a rock and a hard-place.

The other scenario, (2) if being parents, if they don't have any major malfunctions going on, both spouses may no longer be happy in the marriage, but are seriously concerned about how their getting divorced may leave deep psychological wounds/traumas on their children that could seriously impair their development, capacity to find happiness, etc. If you're a parent who loves your child's life more than your own (which I think every parent should frankly), you would definitely stay in an unhappy marriage if it would be better for the children (of course, it wouldn't always be better for the children depending on if the parents fight a lot, have no communication with each other, etc.; that can be much harder on a child that a divorce.

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