As A Physically Disabled Adult - Me Before You (2016) Discussion

[–] Belle-Et-La-B 8 years ago

You are an adult living your life and that is fantastic but that doesn't mean that someone else will be happy in your same conditions. Just like some abled body adults wouldn't be happy and might want to kill themselves. I don't support euthanasia but I don't oppose it either. And as a writer and human being who supports peoples' rights to think for themselves and make their own opinions, I hate how one example in a film or a book suddenly means it's being presented as absolute truth and that if someone doesn't 100 percent agree with it, they're scorned and criticized to no end about it. The movie doesn't show it as well, but reading the book, I felt Jojo Moyes presented a pretty fair example that was balanced on both sides of the issue. I respect your opinion that you don't agree with it but it doesn't mean that people who do feel they would rather end their life are instantly wrong and 'ignorant' in their choice.

Whatever the weather my ass! It's hot as hell out here!

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[–] cadosager 8 years ago

I understand that it is a personal choice and a case-by-case issue, but you can't deny that the resolution of the story may be harmful to impressionable disabled individuals. The story essentially says a disabled life isn't worth living - that we are a burden to our family and friends and that killing ourselves is a better option.

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[–] Belle-Et-La-B 8 years ago

Which is why we need to do better at teaching our kids that you shouldn't do everything the f'cking movies tell you to. Will is an example of someone is who is really hurting and at the end of their rope. It's not saying it is the better option, it's just the choice that works for him. That's the whole point of the movie, it's just not as obvious as it is in the book. They REALLY hammer it in the book that Will should be allowed to decide to do what he wants to do. We need to encourage our people- able bodied and not- to express how we feel and get help before it's too late. But sound minded adults who know what they want and know their limitations should be able to decide what they want to do ultimately and it's not fair to say that his choice is wrong just because it's not positive in your opinion.

Whatever the weather my ass! It's hot as hell out here!

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[–] KaneKiller 8 years ago

Movies are mostly escapism. Especially, from the trailers, this looked like a really sappy feel good movie. But the movie, despite its twee tone and cinematography, is actually extremely dark by the end where it spends a long time focusing on Will's suicide. No matter what you say, this does implant the idea of suicide into people's minds. You can say "we need to teach people to stop taking these darn movies so seriously!" But it's been happening since the dawn of movies. People use most movies to escape. That's what most movies are for. This seemed to be like one of those movies, and it's not. The ending was as depressing as it gets. I can totally see why a disabled person would be upset. Because just seeing another disabled person commit suicide would implant that idea subliminally in to their head as a logical idea. And not only for disabled people, but ordinary people too. People who hate their jobs, see no chance for escape. If you think every person no matter what should be allowed to commit suicide, fine. That's your opinion. But I believe movies like this shouldn't be showing suicide as a logical option. Just stick to the feel good nature, and make people feel hope. All people have in this world is hope.

I don't give a sh!t about money.

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[–] Shimmer_Me_Timbers 8 years ago

Movies are mostly escapism. Especially, from the trailers, this looked like a really sappy feel good movie. But the movie, despite its twee tone and cinematography, is actually extremely dark by the end where it spends a long time focusing on Will's suicide.

I agree, but a lot of movie trailers have become misleading. I mean I thought Ricky and the Flash was going to be a quirky family reunion film... what I saw was quite a bit darker and not that funny.

I can totally see why a disabled person would be upset. Because just seeing another disabled person commit suicide would implant that idea subliminally in to their head as a logical idea.

No... just no. I am a physically disabled person, and my sister is disabled too. This movie didn't implant the idea that suicide is the only logical answer.

Disabled or otherwise, if you come out of this movie thinking that suicide is the only logical way to solve all you problems you need to stop watching movies and go see a professional.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

I totally agree with you KaneKiller. Checking out solves nothing, and is not a solution. This is a hopeless movie, with a pessimistic hopeless viewpoint. The message seemed to be, if your girlfriend wasn't a 10, you weren't an athlete doing high adrenaline sports, you didn't work in the city as the boss, your parents weren't upperclass, and you weren't already so rich you could hire a Lear Jet to take you on your holidays to an exotic place, then you should just pack it all in. Well bs. to that.

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[–] preschiousb 8 years ago

Im hella late but I didnt get that at all. I got that for this specific person those things were his life. Imagine being a writer and have this insane passion for writing and telling stories ect and then suddenly having that ability taken away from you in some way or another. He had his actual life taken from him. Everything he ever did he could never do again. He could watch but he as a person wasnt a watcher he was a doer. He did all those things and suddenly had to change who he was and expected to like it.

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[–] t-basham-613-338353 8 years ago

I came here to see what exactly this movie is about, and am now convinced that I probably shouldn't see it. I was recently declared disabled from working, but probably more for having bipolar disorder than because I've had half a lung removed for cancer, a blockage behind my heart, and moderate hearing loss. I'm 51 years old, and feel like I've accomplished nothing useful in my life, and that I am a burden to my family--they can't do anything to make me happy. I'm not confined to a wheelchair, and I can still be an uncle to my nieces, nephews, great-nieces, and great-nephews, but otherwise I feel like I have nothing to offer to life. However, as much as I feel like my life, personally, sucks, I still think it's beautiful, and worth it. Perhaps someone should write a story about that. I used to write. Maybe I should write that story.<shrug>

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[–] EmilylnWonderland 8 years ago

Perhaps you should. But keep in mind that not everyone has the same experience or opportunities that you have. And if someone decides to end their life because of unbearable pain and suffering, then it is THEIR right, and who are YOU to judge?

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Politically Correct garbage from yet another expert...

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[–] darren-oconnor 8 years ago

No, simply a recognition that your circumstances are unique to you, and someone else's are unique to him, and you don't get to make decisions for other people. You don't have that right.

A man who has led an active, athletic lifestyle, traveling the world, trying new things, taking on every challenge that comes his way and seeking others out; a man who is handsome, athletic, daring, adventurous, is probably inevitably going to find life as a quadriplegic to be truly hellish. To go from being a man who could seemingly accomplish anything to a man who can literally do almost nothing for himself would be about as great a plummet as anyone could ever experience. From every day being a new adventure, he goes to finding every day to be a depressing, interminable slog. Every day there is helplessness, physical dependency, and physical pain. As the character says, the moment he wakes up in the morning, what he looks forward to is going to sleep that night, and the whole thing being over. And it's never going to get better, not if he waits another fifty years.

You really can't understand why someone might say "no thanks." I can.

Now perhaps the whole thing would look different to a different person, with different life experiences, or perhaps it wouldn't. Every person is different. The bottom line is, if a person is suffering under circumstance he or she personally finds unendurable, who are you to say he is wrong? The limits of every person's strength are different. If you respect the rights of an individual to decide for him or her self, then you should also be able to respect this kind of ultimate decision. Live your own life, and best of luck to you doing it. Let other people live theirs. Or not, if that's what they choose.

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[–] 8 years ago

[deleted]

[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Don't let the idiots get you down. You are right, this movie probably isn't for you. It is very negative and ends on a complete downer. I formerly nursed disabled people as an RGN. Then as misfortune would have it I experienced disablement myself. Life however is wonderful, and the world would be a poorer place without you in it. The message in this movie was a disgrace. If being in a wheelchair is so bad, as these fools say, then how come it never stopped Stephen Hawking from changing the world? The problem with this movie, is that it tries to be modern and controversial. Well bs to that. I can assure you that after 20 years of nursing, I never ever met a single client who wanted to check out, they were fighting back and prepared to get their lives back to some kind of normality. The writer of this piece of fiction has never known disability or anyone with a disability. I'd even suggest the writer of this never knew a working class person, evidenced by the depiction of Lou's family. I have never come across a working class person who couldn't afford to buy a gift for a family member. What a crock of s.

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[–] lindaz 8 years ago

I think you've got a great idea there, T-basham. Screenwriting is learnable (I started learning screenwriting at the age of 58 years) and it might help or at the most, save someone else.

Screenwriting is a basic formula, but first just write from your heart and then put it all together in that formula. Of course, there's a LOT more to it, but that's the basics.

There are some good videos online that teach screenwriting, but the main thing I've learned is you have to love what you write about. Write about what you know and what you don't know, you kind find out if you need to add that to your writing.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Yep, that about sums up the quasi-Nazi message of this film...

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[–] El_Jefe 8 years ago

The story essentially says a disabled life isn't worth living - that we are a burden to our family and friends and that killing ourselves is a better option.

Uh, the story says the exact *opposite* of that. Everyone in his life wanted him to live, even recognizing the "burden" he presented.

But ultimately they respected his own wishes regarding his life. Would it be better if they had ignored his wishes and kept forcing him to live against his will?

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[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

It's pointless discussing anything other than dangers own opinion. He has a very closed mind which suggests he's just a troll

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[–] vikap2 8 years ago

Dude, you'd seriously think this movie will lead certain disabled people to go kill themselves? Get real.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

This movie conveyed the completely wrong message, and suggested that the writer had no clue at all about how people cope with disablement.

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[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

It was about how one person dealt with it. If you are that unhappy whose to say you can't end your life your way.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

One person with all the money in the world, and a social framework giving him support, who could even afford to hire a Lear Jet to take a holiday? How does this compare to a working class disabled person, who has no social framework and who has nothing to fall back on? Point here is he didn't deal with it, as you claim. He chose death over taking on the challenge of getting his life back, with a girl who was prepared to share her life with him?

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[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

That's your opinion of it. To me he chose what he wanted and he didn't want life like that.
Can you imagine the suffering he had? He was constantly in hospital (this was only in a 6 month period) his body couldn't control heat and other things etc etc.
Money cannot buy everything and he was miserable.
It's not YOUR choice, but for others it's a choice and he chose it.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

You have no mind of your own. You are yet another one of those people who parrots and nods to everything you see or are told. The day you start to think for yourself, come back and we will continue this conversation.

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[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

Oh dear nothing more than a troll.
Do you have nothing better to do with your day lol.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

I'm clicking ignore on you. You're either very immature, or just plain ignorant of everything.

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[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

The irony is lost on this one lol

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

You are just lost. You have nothing at all interesting to say, appear to have no knowledge at all of the disabled community, and seem to add nothing useful to this topic.

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[–] laurendorward-990-190608 8 years ago

Thought you had me on ignore lol. Again wrong, but with your limited imagination what can one expect from a troll.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Click...

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Do you have a mental disorder?

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[–] michaelmcdonald102 8 years ago

Dangermantx you need to calm down. Someone wants to die that's there choice. I thought it was a fitting ending for him.Your ranting like a loon because someone dares have a different open to you. And as for a working class family not being able to afford a present. They had no work. That's why Lou stayed so long. And i thought it was a lovely present anyway.

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[–] greg-goremykin 8 years ago

That's *beep* and this is coming from someone with a severe disability and 3 suicide attempts under my belt. People like you are completely effing clueless when it comes to this topic. Suicide should not be viewed as a socially acceptable life choice. It's a sign of severe depression and should be treated as such, end of story.

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[–] musicjunkie2001 8 years ago

Would that be the day that s/he agrees with you? To each their own. Be it on a movie website message board or the right to die with dignity. You have control over exactly one thing in life and that's you. Show a little respect for other people. Not everyone has to agree with you.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

But it is! Show me another movie which is showing a better message? The author set out to be controversial and write about something they didn't actually understand...

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[–] missimin 8 years ago

Neither this film nor The Sea Inside promote suicide. They present people who make a certain choice due to their personal belief in what constitutes a life worth living to them.

Beans are evil. Bad, bad beans.

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[–] arthurs_sarah 8 years ago

I agree with your sentiments, and I hope you don't mind if I add to your post. I think one of the problems with this story is that it was written by someone who is able-bodied trying to imagine the perspective and experiences of a person with a physical disability. People can be gifted at imagining all sorts of experiences, but I've learned that physically healthy people have a difficult time accurately empathizing with what it's like to have a disability. I have a progressive neuromuscular condition with a lot of related health issues. I've had these challenges since birth. In my 30 years of life I could not begin to count the number of times strangers have randomly stopped to pray over me for healing, or the members of my church have suggested that I am suffering from a generational curse, or have had people tell me that they feel sorry for me or that I am "such an inspiration." They try to imagine what it must be like to be me and they imagine misery. The thought of losing independence is a tragedy to them, and they see my differences/challenges as something that is wrong or needs to be fixed - regardless of the fact that I am happily married or that I am working on a PhD in science. "Friends" have even commented on how brave and special my husband must be for being wiling to marry someone with a disability.

These aren't idiosyncratic experiences; they aren't unique to me. This is an ongoing narrative among individuals and populations with disabilities. While I believe that the subject of "choice" is a valuable narrative to explore in media, choosing a young protagonist with a long life ahead of him was misguided, given that there is still so much stigma and misunderstanding directed towards persons with disabilities. The choice to die is an important theme to examine in populations who are choosing between a messy agonizing death and a dignified death. The protagonist in "Me Before You" had every opportunity to LIVE his life with dignity - to find great meaning and to love and be loved. However, the author decided to perpetuate the stigma that a life with a disability is not a life worth living, writing a character who follows through with his plans to die, despite having the world and love at his feet. Perhaps this story could be harmful for someone struggling with his/her disability and self-worth, but I think the greater harm is that it reinforces negative beliefs about disabilities among "normative" populations who look at people like me with pity, who won't hire people with disabilities because of negative stereotypes, who assume that people with physical disabilities are less intelligent, who treat people with disabilities like children or second-class citizens, and who tally the cost of disabilities and debate whether these people are worth the resources.

I know that this is just a film, and it's based on just a book, but this story is not representative of the majority of people with disabilities who choose to fight and make meaning of their lives, despite a world that would prefer to avoid reminders that pain and suffering can happen to anyone.

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[–] cadosager 8 years ago

Thank you for the very thorough response. I have had many similar experiences. Hope all is well currently.

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[–] arthurs_sarah 8 years ago

It is, thank you! I hope the same for you :-)

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[–] deprofundisss 8 years ago

Wow. I think there are some interesting and valid points on either side of the discussion, but your reply hit the nail on the head on what was still troublesome about the story to me, despite my believing in the freedom to make that choice (albeit while feeling strong personal opposition to his character doing it). There is absolutely a stigmatic perspective about disabilities that anyone would readily acknowledge, but it is a much more complex perspective bias than it seems on the surface. Of course, it's not an intentional bias in most cases - most people mean well and are likely just trying to empathize and connect. But the bias is nonetheless there. I feel your points could be applicable to all sorts of "debilitating" conditions, to varying degrees of course. Thank you for sharing your experiences and well-written perspectives! I was hoping to get insights from people like you and the OP from this board after seeing this movie. It is much appreciated.

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[–] arthurs_sarah 8 years ago

Thank you so much for your kind response!

If you are really interested in understanding this subject from a more holistic perspective, I recommend Andrew Solomon's, "Far from the Tree":

https://www.amazon.com/Far-Tree-Parents-Children-Identity/dp/0743236726/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469033702&sr=8-1&keywords=Far+From+the+Tree

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Well said, arthurs_sarah... GL with your PhD. One thing I'd like to add, from my days as an RGN, a client told me this once, 'It's a battle, but it's a battle between me and the world out there, and I'm winning, on my terms I'm winning!'.

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[–] luckylehanegrrl 8 years ago

I'm sorry people aren't getting it. Here's my take as a woman with a disability

http://thatdisabledmom.blogspot.com/2016/06/me-before-you-ive-had-worse-tragic.html

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[–] stephenxrobinson 8 years ago

Sorry but someone who chooses to end their life is JUST as strong as you.

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[–] arthurs_sarah 8 years ago

You've missed the point. This debate is not about how strong a person is; it is about the messages society conveys about people with disabilities. It was not long ago that anyone with a disability was institutionalized - segregated from society - regardless of his/her capacity to live a meaningful life, form meaningful relationships, and positively contribute to society. History is filled with horror stories of scientists conducting inhumane research (e.g., effects of starvation) on institutionalized persons with disabilities; and in the late 1800s there were "ugly laws" that made it unlawful for those with unsightly conditions to be in public. Currently, pregnant women carrying a child with a physical challenge are encouraged to abort, and eugenic practices are endeavouring to eliminate physical differences and disabilities altogether.

A person with a physical challenge who believes that he/she has nothing to contribute to society, that he/she is a burden who is better of dead, would not hold these beliefs if society did not first convey this message. These "truths" are learned. Under these conditions, choosing to end one's life would not be a sign of personal strength, but a consequence of living in a world that lies to disabled people about their value. Imagine if this story were about a homosexual or transgendered individual or black person choosing to end his/her life over beliefs that he/she has no place in society, that he/she is a burden or sub-human: such narratives would not be celebrated, but would be considered tragic. We, as a society, should be working to eliminate notions that people with disabilities are less worthy of life, just as we work to dispel negative beliefs related to gender identity, sexual orientation, and race, and that includes changing the narratives we tell through cinema.

As a final note, it is irritating that able-bodied people are the ones arguing on the "behalf" of the disabled, all the while ignoring or negating the actual voices of people with disabilities. People with disabilities are speaking out against the negative messages of this film; maybe instead of challenging their voices you should listen to what they have to say.

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[–] imwithdummy 8 years ago

As a final note, it is irritating that able-bodied people are the ones arguing on the "behalf" of the disabled, all the while ignoring or negating the actual voices of people with disabilities. People with disabilities are speaking out against the negative messages of this film; maybe instead of challenging their voices you should listen to what they have to say.

So well said.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

You are absolutely correct. It is about institutional and societal attitudes, and some of the people here are knuckleheads who parrot those beliefs, to the point of actually arguing them as if they know better. It's a waste of time debating with very stupid people, or people who have one opinion that has been installed and programmed upon them by a non-inclusive society that will not listen, and which seems to be beyond change. This movie is a disgrace. The author should get out and actually meet some of the actual disabled community.

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[–] workbumpf 8 years ago

I went to see it. My daughter and her friend wanted to see it. The message of the film appears to be you can be filthy rich, very handsome, very intelligent, have several people who adore you...and life is still not worth living. Which is patently ridiculous. Very annoying, patronizing film.

I love Emilia Clarke in GoT but she was awful in this. She kept contorting her face into "amusing" grimaces. Her facial muscles must have been exhausted at the end of the shoot. She was unbelievable as a goodie-two-shoes, the lead actor was unbelievable as someone who could find no reason to live and just succeeded in making him look like a superficial narcissist.

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[–] DangerManTX 8 years ago

Yes, that's pretty much how I felt about the movie also. Emilia Clarke though, I think the grimaces are what she does, she does these on GoT also...

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[–] workbumpf 8 years ago

I have to say that blonde wig does seem to do most of her acting!

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[–] kurt7825 8 years ago

yeah you are right

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[–] EmilylnWonderland 8 years ago

Who are you to say life is worth living? And who are you to judge whether a person can end their own life or not? What about cancer patients who have months to look forward to unbearable pain? Surely they have a right to end their suffering. Do you think they believe that life is worth living? Having their families watch them suffer everyday? Get over yourself.

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[–] moviemouse87 8 years ago

I couldn't agree more; but this review explains it better than I ever could:
http://www.pluggedin.com/movie-reviews/me-before-you-2016/

"There are two principles of atheism: one - there is no God, and two - I hate Him."-Anonymous

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[–] babycinderella19 8 years ago

You should realize that you grew up in a wheelchair. He was in a horrible accident after living his life a completely different way. Yes the movie is dark but this does happen. And people do kill themselves because they can't stand the pain that their life has become. Not everyone can see that life is worth living. Not everyone has a happy ending.
BUT it is just a movie..based on a book.

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