Bill Simmons correctly points out the indefensible logic of this film...

So, so true. I rated this movie a 3/10.

http://grantland.com/the-triangle/the-sports-guys-week-2-nfl-picks/


OK, here were the three indefensible logic mistakes. Just skip to the next pick if you haven’t seen Draft Day yet.

Indefensible Logic Mistake No. 1: On the morning of the draft, Seattle calls Costner and offers no. 1 overall (landing him the draft’s fictional Franchise QB) for Costner’s next three no. 1 picks. Costner immediately accepts without (a) checking with his owner, (b) checking with his staff, and (c) doing any background intel on a Franchise QB that he never expected to pick. I mean … you can’t even make a fantasy football trade with a drunk buddy at 2 a.m. in 30 seconds anymore. Seriously, that’s how the movie starts!?

Indefensible Logic Mistake No. 2: Costner becomes worried about the Franchise QB, does some background intel, investigates some possibly bogus story that nobody showed up at the QB’s birthday party, then calls him at the draft and asks him if winning is important to him. When he doesn’t like the answer, Costner decides NOT to take the QB — only he doesn’t tell his owner or his staff, he doesn’t try to trade down, and instead takes a linebacker who was expected to fall into the teens first overall. So basically, he traded three no. 1 picks to move up six spots to take someone who would have been there at no. 7.

IN ALL CAPS: THIS IS THE DUMBEST SPORTS MOVIE IN A LONG TIME. THIS MOVIE MAKES YOU DUMBER AS YOU WATCH IT. YOU ACTUALLY LOSE BRAIN CELLS.

Indefensible Logic Mistake No. 3: Now everyone’s mad at Costner — his owner, his coaches, his staff, everyone. Somehow, the Franchise QB starts miraculously dropping after Cleveland passes on him. What’s wrong with the Franchise QB??? (Imagine Indy passing on Andrew Luck at no. 1, then Luck inexplicably dropping out of the top five, and it gives you a sense of how idiotic this script idea was.) With the Jags on the clock at no. 6, Costner decides to trade for their pick … he ends up getting it for his next three second-rounders in about 40 seconds, thanks to Jacksonville’s young GM grabbing the offer without shopping it around or letting anyone else know the pick had become available. Because that would happen.

(Important: Even though that’s an absolutely moronic trade that would NEVER happen in real life, especially with a Franchise QB on the board, I decided not to include it as an Indefensible Logic Mistake because of Jacksonville’s track record over the past few years. Can we definitively say that the Jags wouldn’t do something that dumb? No.)

Anyway, Costner owns no. 6, and Seattle’s GM (picking no. 7) is taking major heat from Seahawks fans for passing up the Franchise QB even though (a) five other teams just passed on him, and (b) everyone watching this knows they already have Russell Wilson and is wondering why the Draft Day writers didn’t pick a different team. Costner calls him and offers no. 6 for Seattle’s three no. 1 picks.

“I want my picks back!”

Does Seattle’s GM immediately cave? Of course! He agrees after his boss tells him (I’m paraphrasing), “We still get the QB we wanted, only now we’re saving $7 million on the cap.” Totally! That would make perfect sense if I had a head injury. But wait! Costner just welched on the trade — now he’s asking for three first-rounders AND their punt returner. Does Seattle say yes? OF COURSE! Woo-hoo! Hugs galore in the war room! Costner did it! He grabs the hometown running back hero with Seattle’s pick, then asks Leary (who quit earlier), “Can you coach this team?”

Sorry, I have to swear here … THIS MOVIE WAS SO F-​-​-​ING DUMB. GOD! HOW DOES THIS SCRIPT GO THROUGH A START-TO-FINISH REVISION PROCESS AND GET FILMED WITHOUT ANYONE ASKING, “HEY, SHOULD WE SHOW THIS TO SOMEONE WHO FOLLOWS FOOTBALL JUST TO MAKE SURE THESE TRADES AREN’T TOO RIDICULOUS???” What a waste of a throwback Costner performance. I am still upset. Although I guess you can’t expect too much out of a movie that has Diddy playing a high-powered sports agent, and also, Diddy playing ANYONE. Let’s move on before I trade this Friday picks column to Bill Barnwell for two weekly blog posts and a useful advanced-metric stat to be named later.