And it becomes a silly game. I dated a Hispanic girl and we got in this silly, silly argument. She said I wasn't allowed to say wetback but she could because of her race. So I asked her this, since I'm both Asian and Caucasian, do I have the power to say *beep* and white trash? Or neither?
Actually, I do see her point.
For me, as a pasty-white caucasion chick, calling a black person a racial slur may mean that I'm only joking, but it may also mean that I'm a raging racist. Because the person who I've just jokingly called a racial slur MOST PROBABLY has heard that racial slur being directed at them (or behind their backs) plenty of times in their lifetime, and not as a joke but in a "I'm better than you" way. If a black person calls another black person a black-specific slur, it can not possibly come from a place of feeling superior and thinking them as less, since they are the same race.
If you live in a society where there's still a lot of racism directed towards minorities, racial slurs can still be very hurtful. What was it ... 50-60 years ago that black people were generally regarded as second class citizens with less legal rights than whites ? This means that almost everyone has a parent or a grandparent who lived through that, felling like LESS their entire life because of skin color, and I am yet to talk to one single person of color who says they NEVER experienced racism.
In the same way, the term "wetback" was meant as a derogatory term towards illegal mexicans who supposedly came into the us by water. A mexican calling another mexican "wetback" can not come from a place of superiority because they share the same ethnic background, but a white person calling a mexican "wetback" CAN mean they regard them as less - less deserving of rights and opportunities, less capable, etc (illegals had no rights in US back when the terms was coined).
In the same way a gay person can call another gay person a "fag" because it can not possibly come from a place of "you're an abomination, you are twisted, you should not have the same rights as me", because as gay people they are in the same boat. But if I, as a heterosexual woman, call a gay man a "fag", even if in my head I meant it as a joke, it can still hurt because that person probably heard that slur all their life from people they thought themselves to be superior because they're straight.
And btw I'm not saying that you used the term "wetback" intentionally as derogatory, you probably did it in a lighthearted way. But anyone mexican who has been called "wetback" numerous times in their life by people who think they should "go back to where they came from" (even if they were born in US lol) may still feel hurt even if the term is not directed in a hurtful way.
So IMO, as long as there is still social discrimination and bullying and less opportunities etc because of the above mentioned things, I would stay away from racial slurs just because they can hit a place of deep hurt - which probably had nothing to do with me, but to witch I don't want to contribute to.
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