I'm just curious if anyone on this board has any friends with benefits stories. Most people feel really strongly about it, but I don't know many people who've actually EXPERIENCED friends with benefits...has anyone here?
shareGood question, I'm about to throw down the cards and say F it and try it, just for the heck of it. I'm 20, and all I'll gain is life experience, I won't lose anything.
shareAssuming you aren't being sarcastic, I'm kind of in the same boat. But all I hear is that it's a horrible idea, don't ever do it, blah blah blah. I actually did try it once with a good guy friend of mine. I think the fact he was a good friend is what made it turn out so horribly, plus we were freshmen in college and extremely stupid. That was 2 years ago, and I think at this point I could find someone mature enough to handle it (he clearly wasn't) that I know, but not someone I'm super close with. I just don't like the idea of relationships right now. They seem, at this point, like such a waste of time and emotion. But I'm still not down for one night stands and don't think I ever will be. I just kind of want a happy medium between a hookup and an actual relationship. And if that makes me a hoe, eh, so be it.
shareRT - first off - I have no experience in FWB.
However, I can see where it can be beneficial to both parties! I believe that some caveats are in order:
a) you must get along
b) you must be attracted enough to each other to keep enjoying the experience
c) you must be mature enough to understand that either one of you, or both, may have multiple partners
I just wish the word 'hoe' would be confined to a garden tool...
Good luck!
I have been in that situation and no it doesn't work... One person will ALWAYS want something more - usually it's the girl, but in my case it was "him" who was pushing towards labeling our little fun as a relationship between boyfriend/girlfriend.
In my case our problem was that we were really good friends as just friends and had A LOT in common. He had always been attracted to me and even though I always found him very goodlooking, I also knew too much about him to take anything to the next level. Our hookup started randomly and he was the one that started it and I was a little reluctant about it because I didn't want a relationship, so we had decided on the no strings attached FWB... to me friends with benefits means that even though we are "doing it" doesn't mean we can't date other people - so I would go on dates and he wouldn't like it. At first he wouldn't say anything about it. Well the reason I was going on dates (and dates only - no kissing, no sex) is because he was flirting away with other girls and that reassured me the fact that he was serious that we were not going to be any serious... then I started hanging out with another friend that I wasn't as close to and liked a little more, and the FWB with close-friend #1 started fizzling for me. My brain kept telling me to stop it and to go back to the way things were before all the benefits because I 100% knew that we had zero future, but he misinterpreted my actions and thought our lack of sex and hang out meant that I wanted something more - true for some, not for everyone. Then one day he simply stopped calling and answering my calls and I knew why. He was sick and tired of people talking about me and the new guy hanging all the time and how I was "cheating" on him and denying I was his girlfriend. I knew he felt humiliated so after my many failed attempts at rekindling the friendship and him refusing to talk to me to the point where he would completely ignore me - I gave up. He had found someone else eventually and it felt hurtful simply because the friendship was so great and now it was lost.
So no I wouldn't recommend it...
(•_•)
can't outrun your own shadow
I don't know how to imply the friends with benefits idea on a male friend? Any ideas? Will most guys say yes to it, seeing as he's not seeing anyone atm?
sharePerhaps you could do a test run and then follow it up?
shareOK, I'm slow, how? I'm attractive but I don't know how on Earth to be sexy.
shareAlso...um... a virgin.
share
PM's
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I'm doing the FWB thing right now and so far so good. Not explosively great obviously because there isn't the intimate passion that is usually in a relationship, but it's fun and definitely keeps us satisfied. He's been my best guy friend for about 6 years and we are pretty physically attracted to each other soo...*beep* relationships and hooray for sex! It's fun because right after we just hang out like usual without the desire/obligation of cuddling, sleeping over and all that emotional bull*beep*
He's the only FWB I've had...don't go thinking I've had a bunch of them hehe.
It's definitely working for us because the timing is perfect and we laid down the ground rules. I was left BATTERED from a previous relationship...so yea...not doing that again soon...and he just left a couple of stage five clingers. Not to mention we just got new careers fresh out of college-no time for commitment so FWB match made in heaven.
I did the whole "friends with benefits" for my first time, I wouldn't recommend it if ur a virgin, not to get all cliché but seriously, my 1st time was not at all about love and it was all about sex and even tho I did kinda enjoy it, it was also pretty awful. I had no attachment to the guy, even tho he was sweet, it hurt like hell, and I felt awkward all the way through. I think maybe if I had waited for someone I loved, maybe it would've been better, maybe not, who knows.
I've had FWB before I had sex, we only made out and stuff, it was fun, I am not like most girls, because most get attached, and I for some reason, don't.
I actually have a FWB right now, we were friends first and then we decided to take it to the next level, but none of us have the time for a real relationship, and honestly I don't know if I want a relationship.
All I can say is, if you're gonna go for it, go into it with both eyes open, don't go in expecting the guy to later change his mind about you, because, altho it does happen, it's very rare and in most cases, you'll just wind up with a broken heart if you're into him more than he is into you. And just make the rules clear, just friends with benefits, it really does depend on your relationship with the guy, but my friend and I were friends from the start so we still hang out and talk a lot, it's not just sex, and I happen to think it's awesome that we can do that, but not everyone can do it without getting confused.
And last, but not at all least... BE SAFE! If you're not in a committed relationship, please wear a condom!
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WHAT THE FVCK IS A BIEBER????
There are people out there who do have "friends with benefits" stories out there. In 1992 I met a guy through mutual friends. We hooked up one night and continued on the basis that there would be not strings attached. we have been married for 17 years and have 2 great kids. the situation may not be for everyone and little unconventional to most. however, out of all the people we know, we are the only ones still together and haven't ended in divorce. It may not work for everyone but it worked for us.
shareCool story!
Congratulations...
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I personally think the FWB thing is kind of sleazy, but that said, I've only really done it once...
It lasted a few months, and we treated each other like good friends basically (she's also my ex, from about 4 years prior to this and I hadn't seen her since). She was also planning on getting back with her ex, but we still fooled around a lot.
We went out together, talked a lot, drank, saw movies, etc. Never held hands or really cuddled or any of that. Basically, she'd pop over to my apt and spend the night once in a while.
I ended it after a few months though because I was starting to like her more than that, and I really didn't think it was good for our relationship...Yeah, usually it's the women who get emotional but whatever. Lol. That's my lame FWB story
You can always tell a Milford man.share
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I'm in my 50's and have had 3 FWB's in my life. The first one was a disaster. We were friends from high school, in our 20's and both of us were unattached. I came on to him with the idea that I trusted him and I knew he cared about me. The problem was that I just wasn't that into him, but he had secretly been pining for me for years. He had a great time, but I just felt embarrassed. We never talked again.
Fast forward about 20 years. I had gotten to know a guy by chatting with him online and later talking on the phone. He lived in another city over 1000 miles away. He came to my city on business. I met him and the sparks started to fly. He came to my city a couple of times a year, so we saw each other very seldom and since he lived so far away a real relationship wasn't possible.
I think that's the key to having a successful FWB situation. There has to be some deal breaker that makes a regular relationship impossible. In our case it was distance, although after a couple of years of seeing each other a few times a year and getting along REALLY well, we did talk about me moving to his city and trying to make a go of a real relationship. That didn't happen though. However, 13 years later he is still one of my closest friends, even though we haven't had "benefits" in a long time.
More recently I had a date with a guy I met through a dating site. He was MUCH younger than me, so that was the "deal breaker" that we needed to keep it casual. We actually had quite a bit in common and we had a nice, steamy time on our one and only date. Unfortunately he had to move back to his home town, but we still chat now and then.
So that's my advice if you want to try a FWB relationship. Do it with someone you could never successfully date. Long distance, age difference, religious conflict, what ever.
I'm 21, and I was FWB with one of my guy friends about a year ago. It started out great, amazing, really. All sex, no committment. Just fun. Then, I started to develop feelings for him and he the same to me. So we started dating, and not long after, he told me that he was starting to have feelings for his ex (we were 2 hours apart at separate colleges). Didn't end well, but we're still friends.
Honestly, I don't think FWB ever works out, it always escalades into something more.
Donnie: Oh, please, tell me Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fu*k?share
Totally agree with you. It makes sense.
(•_•)
can't outrun your own shadow
It only works if people are on the same page emotionally and are honest about it with each other and themselves. If you go into it looking (hoping) for something more then you should not be doing it. It's also better if both people are nice and kind to each other and treat each other with respect. This is still a "relationship" of sorts so there's no need to be a douche.
If anyone saw the movie 'Bridesmaids' that was the epitome of a disfunctional FWB relationship from both sides. The main girl (Kristen Wiig) was sleeping with a hot guy (Jon Hamm) but secretly wanted more all the while saying that she was cool with what he was offering. He was only concerned with getting off (not really that concerened with making sure that she was having getting off too) and completely blind to her feelings (and there were plenty of hints) DO NOT DO THAT
Happy birthday to the ground!