MovieChat Forums > Pretty Little Liars (2010) Discussion > OT: spoiler alert: family drama.

OT: spoiler alert: family drama.


sorry for bringing this here, but im in a rough patch.

when i was 9 my father left for greece for a year. I was told he had no choice, and being a child of the military i understood. i fell in line and took care of the family, i had to raise my brothers (yes, even teh older one, because he was nothing but trouble) because my mother worked all day. the stress was so much that i developed an ulcer that year.

fast forward to about a year ago and my mother informs me that my father actually left because he wanted time alone. he suspected my mother of cheating. instead of getting an apartment across town, he went to greece.

I already had a sore relationship with my father, but this put me in a really bad place with him. it should be noted however that my mother only told me this at the height of their arguments where they were both talking about divorce.

after a year I finally got the courage to talk to my dad. i asked him and he very casually explained he had orders and he even tried to change them but could not. i told him what my mother said. he sounded surprised (?) and said thats not true.

so I call my mom. ask her if dad left because he suspected her of cheating. she said no. then i said 'thats what you've been telling me for the last year' and she said 'oh, yes'. it seems weird that she forgot as I warned her in advance that i would be asking my father about this. she asked me not to on sunday and instead do it on monday.

so i got them on speaker phone. both sticking with their story. one lying to the others face, and to me.

if my moms lying it wont change much with my dad. our relationsihp was strained at best and this wouldn't change. but if my mother was lying it would change a lot with her, because thats some pretty dark manipulation. back to the dollhouse.

i dont know who to believe. i asked brothers, grandmothers, aunts, and uncles, none heard anything other than that my dad had orders so had to go EXCEPT, one aunt, who said that she had heard that there was 'another woman'. she couldnt remember any details beyond that other than that my mother told her there was 'another woman'. which completely contradicts the version she told me.

i dont know who to believe and i dont think i can just be jolly with them and not knowing.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

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Dumb question but admittedly my military knowledge is slim. Is there anyway you can request his deployment records?

This may be something you'll never know. "His side, her side, and the truth". It's possible you'll have to assume that your mom is lying and work your way through that painful possibility but all the while assume that your dad was the one lying.

I know that doesn't really make any sense but if they aren't going to bend then you're just going to have to form your own reality.

BUT her slip about "No I mean yes" is a little suspect.

The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters.

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thats what drives me insane. and shes notorious for lying. as far as i know, with me, its only stupid little stuff. in sane little stuff, but still stupid and little.

but she has a bigger history the brothers have been trying to warn me about and im starting to worry ive just been blind. ive already admitted shes been manipulative beyond belief, but im not sure i could take it if she tried to control me this way. its digusting.

and thats why i cant just not know the truth. to do so would be to just play along and i cant stand that. im not sure what to do with them if i dont get answers.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

Well if she has a history of lying that kind of spins that in a new way.

What about your dad? Does he lie to you a lot? I know you told me once that he's kind of a jerk, do you think that if he really had done that to your mom that at some point he would have thrown it in your face just to hurt you?

The world isn't split into good people and Death Eaters.

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[deleted]

That's an odd slip up to make after all this time. How often do you see your mother and what line would she have to cross before you cut her off for good? I definitely understand you wanting to know you have a right to find out. I wonder what would make her lie to you about something like this?

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children 

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idk, shes my mother and all. id be pretty upset if i found out. idk what id do. thats kinda why im at a loss. i cant just pretend like everything is fine.

>i wonder what would make her lie to you about something like this?

from what it seems, the potential divorce. when she told me this the word divorce was being thrown around a lot and looking back, she could very easily have been trying to turn me against my father.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

I wish I had some good advice to give you or a way for you to get the answers because it's too difficult and frustrating to be around people who lie to this degree. I think you're spot on about her trying to get you to turn against your dad. Is she always this manipulative?

"When life gives you lemons"
Jessica D: sleep with their fathers and have secret lemon children 

reply

I can't say she was THIS manipulative particularly, at least as far as i know, but as a general rule yes. thats why im concerned. as i talk to my brothers im learning more and more about things shes done, and i know no mom is perfect, but this kidn of thing is a huge betrayal of trust.

shes currently claiming that my dads lying because its 'none of my business' so idk.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

First let me say, this sucks and I'm sorry it's happening to you.

Secondly, something sounds incredibly fishy from both ends. I'm curious as to why neither of them want to be honest. Also if your mom has a history of being manipulative and lying about things, you should take what she has to tell you with a grain of salt.

Obviously something went down and it seems like they are both hiding it.

Sorry I don't have any advice for you and the little bit of advice I do have, may not be what you want to hear.

Peace, Love, and Soul 

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lay it on me. worst case scenario ill just hate you forever and you can't sit with us at lunch anymore.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

Lol okay, I will chance it.

The only thing I can say is that it may be time for reconciliation. All family sucks and it's hard to forgive people when they do you wrong. Trust me I know but the forgiveness is for you, so you can move on and live your life and these people won't have a hold on you emotionally.

Easier said then done and I find myself having to forgive certain members of my family daily.

Peace, Love, and Soul 

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forgiveness is actually a route i havent considered. i guess in my mind you cant really forgive someone without actually knowing what went wrong, but i may just have to forgive my mother for the possibility or lose her for quite some time.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

For starters I'd like to say: this sucks and shouldn't be happening to you. And to make matters worse I'm going to say something that you probably don't want to hear:
You might need to accept that you will never find out the truth. You are dealing with one person that is obviously incredibly manipulative (your mother) and one person that seems to be an expert at freezing people out (your father). Unless you have the talent to beat them at their own game, which I doubt you do because you actually seem like a nice enough person, you might never really find out the truth. So while I hope that someone will actually try to be the better person and tell you what really happened, you need to prepare yourself to move on with your life without knowing what really happened.

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thats something im figuring out but the problem is im not sure how to react to not knowing. like what my stnace is going to be. my whole journey this year has been realizing that i dont need to play pretend, i dont need to live in my mothers little dollhouse where we all pretend to get along and act like everything is fine. and i feel like without an answer my only choice is to go back to that, or to just exit the family.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

If you make a truth that she is able to withhold from you the decisive factor in all of this then it seems to me that you are still letting her pull your strings. Let her be manipulative and a compulsive liar. Be indifferent to it, or as indifferent as you can manage. That would be the greatest victory.

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i feel like its the complete opposite. to be indifferent and continue the way we are as if im not hurt by this would just be doing what she wanted all along, pretending to be the perfect son back in her little dollhouse. playing along is not victory.


*when life gives you lemons*
Sara: are you a sour lemon?

reply

That didn't come out the way I intended. What I meant is not to put any happiness in your own life on hold until this is resolved, because it never might be. By doing that you would be giving a person power over your happiness that does not deserve it.
By all means, don't continue acting perfect for her dollhouse. I despise that sort of stuff.

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I'm also sorry for you. And the thing is, it doesn't really matter who's lying.

Because your father could have come back eventually, and your mother could have not let you carry a parent's responsibilities, a burden you never should have had to bear.

If you're desperate for the truth, I think aggressive confrontation is the only way. Tell your mother you have proof from your dad that he had to stay in Greece and that she better start talking, or tell your dad you know he's lying and he better start talking, and see how it goes?

If that doesn't work, maybe start making peace with the fact that adults don't always grow up.

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