1000 Things I Learned...

41. Your girlfriend will be more angry with you for NOT telling her about the huge job offer in LA that you had no idea about than for replying with an "oh *beep* to her "I'm late" announcement.

42. Always fight giant floating aliens head on. They won't think to use one of their 50 tentacles to sneak up behind you...

43. If you're the main character, your brain will unexplainably be red instead of blue like the supporting cast in your life.

44. Just because aliens have giant floating indestructible self-repairing ships that are capable of traveling from places we can't even see, while transporting their entire army along with the tech to extricate human brains DOES NOT automatically mean that they have infrared or body heat signature tech like our army does...therefore you can hide behind anything from counters to bed sheets.

45. Yell at your life long best friend for coming out of his own bathroom AFTER he just brought you out to his penthouse in LA on his dime, partied with you all day, and offered you the career of a lifetime...he'll just hold his head down in shame, pout his lips, and walk away looking sad.

46. Go ahead and turn down the hott brunette who wants to bang you even tho you already been banging her and even took pics of it. And when you turn her down, make sure to look like you're taking the better road.

47. Give your girlfriend the camera with evidence that you been cheating on her and let her look through it. Hopefully she won't notice anything suspicious...like you kissing on her assistant's neck.

48. Aliens are attacking. Let's all argue over who agrees with who. No need to sit down and construct a solid plan of survival for my pregnant girlfriend.

49. Let's go out yet again and try to escape the aliens who have proven that they are everywhere. And let's leave all the kitchen knives in the kitchen, hopefully we won't need them.

50. Aliens are attacking. I've been arguing with the only person who has some sense of survival. Hey, it's my turn to offer a suggestion. I know I know, let's try to make it to the boats again.

52. Aliens are attacking and I'm stuck in a penthouse with some jerk, his pregged g/f and a hott blonde...I know, I'll stay up and keep watch and I'll ask the jerk to have my back instead of trying to convince the hott blonde to keep watch with me so I can hopefully bang her before I die...

51. Keep your girlfriend or wife pregnant. Apparently that's the only thing about her that's gonna be an advantage if aliens attack.

52. Women, if you ain't knocked up you're gonna be useless and die a horrible death...sorry.

53. All black men regardless of their lot in life have a firearm stashed somewhere that nobody knows about.

54. When the armed black man shows up to save you during an alien invasion, you should look at the gun, act startled and slightly uncomfortable and say "why do you have a gun?" instead of thanking your lucky stars that you have a weapon to fight with.

55. Aliens can't hear, therefore it is perfectly safe to breathe heavily and loudly shush others while ducking behind a counter.

56. Aliens will always be crude looking terrifying beasts that have no way of communicating with us despite all their advanced weaponry and tech.

57. Aliens haven't learned how to blend in and be inconspicuous...therefore, there will always be a fight that they may possibly lose.

58. Aliens have digestive tracts that go straight to their brains...so just make sure you have a red brain so you can take over their body when they eat it.

59. When the air force attacks, you will just so happen to be in the same city...and your tv screen will have excellent footage of the entire ordeal.

60. Yell "everybody get down" AFTER the nuke hits...no need to warn people beforehand.

61. Nuclear fallout, radiation, and impact shock is a myth...you should be fine in seconds.

62. The car you're driving can be smashed by a giant alien foot and you can be dropped out of the car from 10 ft and still have the wits and endurance to run, dodge, and roll while they attack you...

63. Tell your friend to get the H E double hockey sticks outta they way while you're running from an alien...

64. Bang the hott blonde as soon as the opportunity presents itself while you're still alive...

You guys need to lighten up. It's only a movie, it's only a movie. What did you expect from this kind of film? Logic?

#99. Apparently there IS such a thing as aliens, but there's NO such thing as a black woman.

112. Fighter jets can shoot straight at you and not hit you, instead hitting what's behind you, for example a big alien monster.

113. Newsreaders are most in danger during alien invasions.

114. It can take up 2 days for aliens to finally pluck up the courage to properly inspect buildings that they've been circling in all that time.

can't forget that a nuclear bomb goes off outside, shockwaves which normally pass over an entire country only pass a few blocks, and all you have to do is duck and you'll be safe in a high rise apartment building.

Best thread ever! Mine were taken #81 & #130 :( They really did look like giant va-jay-jays.

You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.

135. Organic lifeforms and ships apparently made out of a metal-like exterior can survive a nuclear blast in a foreign atmosphere.

136. A highrise building a couple miles away from a nuclear blast will sustain no damage, and the people inside will be unaffected by the blast radius and radiation.

137. Despite bringing ships only to major cities, TV and internet will be shut down around the entire planet within hours.

138. When bonding together for survival, you will hate everyone around you and not speak to each other.

139. When aliens invade the planet, you won't discuss it in any detail over the course of a couple days.

140. Super advanced lifeforms capable of traveling the speed of light and being indestructible to nuclear attack need our brains to survive.

141. Thousands of monstrous beasts the size of the Cloverfield monster are easily transported through the galaxy.

142. Special effects guys live like hip-hop stars in penthouse suites and are famous to the general public.

143. Super advanced lifeforms' primary weapon actually makes their enemies stronger if they survive it.

144. Super advanced lifeforms could not catch you if you make it to water.

145. Within hours of an alien attack, the entire city's infrastructure is gone despite no explosive detonations by the aliens.

146. The human race can be defeated within a day.