MovieChat Forums > The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (2009) Discussion > 100 things I've learned from this movie ...

100 things I've learned from this movie (spoilers)

posted 15 years ago by morph85
63 replies | jump to latest

1. If you're a 15yr old boy that is an eye-witness in a murder trial against a notorious mobster, you run away from cop protection and hide on a hooker alley at night. At least that's where the cops will be looking for you.

2. If you're a cop and an eye-witness is having second thoughts about cooperating in a trial you should gun point his mother and threaten her with life in jail and framing her killing her boss.

3. If you're high than you will definitely look and talk like a retard.

4. If you are an addict you must steal kilograms of heroin, cocaine and weed every day because you will definitely consume more than that.

5. If you are a lieutenant investigating drug dealers and you see an imaginary iguana on a table and of course make a big deal out of it in front of your colleagues they will see nothing wrong with that.

6. Also if you suddenly look and act like a pot head (or a retard) as a cop for a long period of time, your colleagues will see nothing wrong in that, especially if you saw an imaginary iguanas earlier.

7. If you are a hooker and 2 random guys say that they want to have sex with you you will be terrified and go to the bathroom and cry.

8. If you are a bad lieutenant and have money problems and someone wants to bride you with a 60.000 dollar something you will refuse and settle for a blowjob and a joint instead.

9. If you are a bad-ass experienced killer mobster and an unstable drug addict lieutenant points a gun to your head you will consider him a loyal and close friend without second thoughts.

10. If you are a gambler and you want a player to cheat in a football match for you you will ask him to win the game, not to loose it.

11. If two gangsters meet one will talk his way into stealing the others stash of cocaine.

12. If a crocodile is ran over by a car as a director you must give his brother crocodile a 1 minute silent movie time from his point of view.

13. If you are a bell boy and a former addict and you walk uninvited in someones hotel room while he's sniffing lines of coke you won't even notice.

14. If you're a cop and a bell boy comes into you're hotel room uninvited while you're sniffing coke you won't be bothered at all.

15. If you lost a silver spoon 20-30 years ago and you searched for it for years don't worry, you will find it in a middle of a night when you're high.

16. If a pregnant former addict prostitute, an addict cop, an addict and alcoholic mother and an alcoholic father stay at a table they will drink sparkling water.

17. If you don't have a point by the end of a 2h long movie you will just show a still frame with the main character expressionless for a few minutes and then make him laugh for no apparent reason.

18. If you are a true masochist like me you will stay by the end of the movie.

[–] mark2115 15 years ago

The stick. Pull it out of your ass

[–] desynch 15 years ago

106. You don't know the name of your dad's *beep* dog?

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] martyr-6 15 years ago

108. Yes, Herzog has finally lost it completely.

[–] panik65 15 years ago

109. Sometimes, all your dad can handle is going to meetings, laying on the couch and waiting for the next meeting. Nothing whatsoever more than that, not feeding the dog - and certainly not babysitting a "pros."

[–] panik65 15 years ago

110. If you're a cop, you can enter a suspects house, smoke a joint in front of him, and casually toss it, lit, onto his laundry (or whatever) in the corner.

[–] BobStage 15 years ago

111. Drugs completely kill any sexual appetite.

[–] merv1225 15 years ago

112. Doing drugs makes you walk and talk like Richard Nixon.

[–] CountSuckula 15 years ago

112. Doing drugs makes you walk and talk like Richard Nixon.

Or perhaps like Klaus Kinski doing a poor impression of Richard nixon, LOL!

Honestly, when Cage was performing his back against the wall, hiding from the cameras-pivot, in the police prop room, he looked like a comical version of Nosferatu on crack...and I nearly lost from laughing so hard.

"Stick with me baby, and you'll be fartin' thru silk!"

[–] Kombat_Karl 15 years ago

113. I learned that if I get stuck, then I'm going to be VERY *beep* angry!

You forgot your fortune cookie.
It says...
"You're *beep* outta luck."

[–] Rhythm_Rider 15 years ago

114. Stand on a street corner long enough and a professional sportsman will show up and buy drugs in plain sight

"Shoot him again, his soul is still dancing!"

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] MrBelette 15 years ago

65) Werner Herzog will NEVER be David Lynch

You mean he will NEVER be Abel Ferrara

[–] richcoates 15 years ago

Reading these has made me realise how great this movie was. I'm crying with laughter

[–] Mark_Beronte 15 years ago

I've learned that incompetent directing can be the same thing as brilliant comedy if your name is Herzog. At least to the less than discerning viewer.

I know my behavior can be... *erratic* sometimes.

[–] 15 years ago

[deleted]

[–] desperateone 14 years ago

12. If a crocodile is ran over by a car as a director you must give his brother crocodile a 1 minute silent movie time from his point of view.

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[–] andelon 14 years ago

#33 and #48 are my favourites. Now I have to watch it Yet Again, just so I can add.
It's not very often these types of threads actually make 100.
Instant favourite this film, just beats out "A Serious Man" for my favourite new release of the year.

#115. New Orleans prostitutes are hot! And get yourself one, because they'll put up with anything!
#116. The Property Room Key is the Best key to have in the Police Force.

"and I ain't never seen no Queen in her damned Undies, as the feller says..."

[–] [email protected] 14 years ago

#117 If Cage is banging your girlfriend, you watch!
#118 You can threaten a car full of black thugs with death as long as you make them laugh til the break of dawn baby
#119 If your going to hide behind a door in a nursing home, make sure to bring an electric shaver
#120 Threatening the guy who gave your hooker girlfriend a black eye is a big mistake, and the guy who gave her the black eye will tell you its a big mistake at least 5 times before leaving the hotel room and even tell the black kid in the hallway waiting for you
#121 If it was Cage's kid doing drugs he would want to know
#122 Your parents missing your school play is an acceptable reason to have sex with a stranger at a very impossible angle
#123 Nicolas Cage refering to crack as "who's got the Kibble" will make you laugh hard enough to poop a little
#124 Cage loves it, he just loves it
#125 Cage can't fist bump worth a damn

[–] Naldoman 14 years ago

126. Gotta love a standard issue Ford Crown Victoria with police lights as a covert surveillance vehicle.

127. Casino restrooms are always empty and CLEAN.

128. If you win big, your bookie will hand-deliver 10 Big Ones to your police desk.

129. The old shotgun under the desk trick never gets "old".

130. Foreign underwear is $55/pair and doesn't clean easily. Check yourself.

[–] dkgambler 13 years ago

131. Taking care of a dog that belongs to a spouse heading off to rehab for a while is an impossible task; beg someone for help.

132. If your hooker girlfriend hates your dad's wife and refuses to hole up at their house, just take her outside and tell some stories of when you were a kid, she'll light up and smile like a kid at Disneyland.