1. If you make the worst movie ever made OVER and OVER again, people will still pay money to see it.
there is much more
30. Whatever you do, do NOT invite the critics to advanced screenings. They're always wrong and judgmental.
share43. Steal jokes from the movie you're making fun of, barely change it and it'll be just as funny, if not funnier.
Remember the scene in Along Came Polly where they play basketball and Ben Stiller's face rubs against the sweaty fat guy's stomach with an open mouth? The same scene is in Date Movie except he pulls out a hairball afterwards. Then the cat crapping scene in Meet the Parents is duplicated but the cat pulls out a match at the end to get rid of the smell. It's not even parody, it's plagarism.
http://tinyurl.com/2xklqa
44. Suicide is sometimes the right answer.
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(='.'=)
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45. The less funny a joke is, the more times it's repeated.
46. Like Scientology, there is money to be made from stupid people.
47. Introduce your movie with an explanation of what it's about. That's because your audience is too stupid to know otherwise (see 46).
45. Making fun of homosexual with lame joke is a good idea for getting more homophobic teenagers in the movie theatre.
46. Dangerous situation: It's been two minutes since the last ''Joke''. But I can't invent any new joke, right there on the set! What can I do? Eureka! You two! Fight, that'll be funny!
48. The only thing it takes to make stupid people laugh is to throw in a reference, say what that reference is, and then follow up with a fart, dick or getting hit joke.
shareNumber 48 hit the nail on the head!
49. Only losers write scripts.
50. Always, always, always insult the intelligence of your audience.
51. After insulting their intelligence, if they come back for more, laugh all the way to the bank.
52. Always think of parodies and references rather than the actual storyline.
53. A two year old could make a better movie.
share54. There's no such thing as too much repetition.
share55. There's no such thing as too much repetition.
56. There's no such thing as too much repetition.
57. There's no such thing as too much repetition. (Alright, I'll stop)
58. One can get more laughs out of a "100 things learned" board than from all of the Friedberg/Seltzer "films" put together.
59. parts of movie trailers + year-old internet references + a swift kick to the nuts = box office GOLD
share60.If you run out of pop cultural references to extend the running time of your movie, just have the characters break dance for 3 minutes. You don't even have to use dialogue!
share61. If you're not sure your new ''joke'' is factually right, don't worry. After all, everybody will be thinking somethin' else when a GIGANTIC plot hole will appear.
62. When someone comes to the set to take your picture, be sure to be seen eating a cake, you're sure to look like an intellectual.
63. Don't pay attention to the fact that Carmen Electra was nominated two times for a Razzie Award in movie YOU directed. Bring her back in the next movie, as bad as ever.
64. Making lame joke about sex, drugs, homosexual and alcool, without ever beeing really ''funny'' is surely a good way to seem like a wonderful humorist among your bunch of friends (If any)
65. Your last movie is in the bottom 100 of IMDB, and got a (generous) rate of 2% at Rotten Tomatoes, BUT get you some money. What can you do? Release a sequel, not even a year after!
61: You only need to film half a movie. The other half consists entirely of out-takes from the first half.
share62. Watching the trailer of the movies don't really make you competent enough to make a spoof.
63. What can you do when you got 10 hours to kill a the studio? Shoot Meet the Spartans! Unfortunatly, you still got 4 hours to kill after you finish the editing.
66. If it's a bad idea, do it 12 times.
share67. If you like a movie that uses 300, America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Do you think you can Dance?, and look-a-like celebrities, this movie is precisely for you.
68. Let's make another Scary Movie!
I killed a man...
With this thumb!!
*shows right thumb*
69. Tee Hee...I said "69".
Friedberg: Dude! Let's put that joke in our next movie!
Seltzer: No my friend, let's put that joke in our next 10 movies.
Friedberg: You're a genius!
70. Let the internet make your movie for you.
71. If you think your movie is too short, have the end credits last 20 minutes long.
share72. If you change the names it isn't coppying
73.put all the some what good parts in the trailers
74.people think pulp culture references are smart
75. If you can't write or act spoof
76. Never take a hint
77. If you have one semi-funny line in your movie, remember- your audience might not get it, so make sure to SHOW what they're talking about in the line... even if it was literally just said.
78. Alot of people think you have to have talent to make that first successful leap into the movie industry.... These same people have never really thought about the magnanimous power of head.
79. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ulawq_hgZzQ The Happening was wrong... it wasn't plants that drove us to catatonic suicides afterall.
"When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't do that.... Well, you know the rest."
LMAO @ 78!
share80. Cheap sets + Cheaper actors + Lack of original content = OSCAR GOLD!
shareI can't believe we're up to 80. 20 more to go people!
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If you see Disaster Movie, you're officially a moron.
81. Shameless product placement is awesome.
82. Nothing makes a 5 star movie like long moments of silence.
83. Be sure to change the name of your movie series by the time it craps out.... that way stupid people will be tricked in to watching it and think "This CAN'T be the same guys who did Epic Movie and it looks hilarious!"
share84. A sucker is born every minute.
85. A fool and his/her money are soon parted.
(Notice a theme here?)
86. Offensive = Funny
share87. If you are ever running out of ideas for your career (Carmen Electra) you can always star in another spoof movie as the hottest girl.
88. As long as you endorse other products or feature another product within your movie for at least 5 seconds -- you will be sure to win over the company and make money off of it, because the product was in MEET THE SPARTANS.
89. Jason didn't actually watch 300.
<3 Nikky Raney
90. Film critics are stupid and mean. Don't listen to them.
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"If you stop going to bad movies, they'll stop making bad movies." - Jay Sherman, The Critic
91. If you crack jokes at your friends and family and they are so digusted that they beat you black and blue for being a stupid ass, then you have a future in spoof comedy filmmaking.
92. When everything else fails, drop a cow (or something heavy, like an anvil) onto someone you're 'spoofing'.
93. Actors must be trained in putting aside dignity for long periods of time.
94. Actors must be trained in rigorous casting couch orgy sessions in order to get a part.
95. Scripts are like politicians: Whenever something new comes up, they have to change completely.
96. Whenever financing issues come up, blowjobs and consistent head make the cash flow.
97. Phuked up writing + a fake Carmen Electra sex scene = #1 at the Box Office!
98. Critics are all hypocrites - Roger Ebert wrote softcore Russ Meyer movies, remember!
99. Product Placement is God (brought to you by Coca Cola)
100. Even if you're a real *beep* up kunt, you can still be a filmmaker.
*beep* ALL CATHOLICS!
101. if you hate humanity, make films like meet the spartans.
share102. "laugh free comedy" is a popular new genre.
share103. The best jokes need to be explained.
share104. Death or execution would be too good for these... I don't even know what to call them. They deserve to be put into a 10ft pit and have people crap on them for all eternity, so they know how we as a movie going public feel when they bring a film out.
Hmm. I didn't realise Greenberg was a Jedi name.
105. It's okay to make fun of movies you haven't even seen, even though in order to parody something, you have to actually watch it.
shareThey have succeeded. They made a movie that's more worse than Ewe Boll's.
I saw this movie in the theater, I should have known it was terrible when I saw a group of 12-13 year old girls run in screaming.
By the end of the movie I wanted to kill myself. In fact if I didn't have a dog waiting at home I would have gunned it up to 100 mph swerved off the road and straight into a power line.
Deeply earnest and thoughtful people stand on shaky footing with the public.
- Goethe
106. Plot? Who the hell needs plot??
share[deleted]
108: You don't need jokes because pop culture and homosexuality are funny in and of themselves.
109: A gag is not a gag until it's explained.
110: If you are late is posting your comments on a 'Things I've/you've learned from...' board, you can always repeat what others have said as long as you word it differently (See above).
111. Paris Hilton cannot ad-lib.
112. If your name is Jason Friedman or Aaron Seltzer, you shouldn't be making movies.
share113. Watching a penguin sh!t in someone's mouth is apparently funny.
114. Hearing the uncomfortable moments of silence during the commentary was...well, uncomfortable...
115. Jason and Aaron are no Zucker brothers.
116. Dragging a joke out until it isn't funny anymore makes it even funnier.
117. There once was a time when breaking out into dance in the middle of the movie for no apparent reason was funny. It was called the '80s and '90s.
118. Physical comedy always elicits a chuckle. Just not here.
119. Nicole Parker is hilarious. The same can't be said for the material she had to work with.
120. Writing jokes that make the viewer cringe in embarrassment is apparently funny.