MovieChat Forums > Eat Pray Love (2010) Discussion > I had no sympathy for her. She abandone...

I had no sympathy for her. She abandoned her husband.

posted 14 years ago by OptimusPrimeRibSpecial
48 replies | jump to latest

Stop trying to make this movie such a compelling piece of human emotion. It was a movie about a woman ABANDONING her husband because she was selfish. He didn't do anything wrong to deserve to be left. She didn't tell him she was miserable. She didn't even try counseling. She just LEFT HER HUSBAND because SHE was unhappy. Maybe if she DIDN'T marry him and they were just engaged, or they went to counselling and it didn't work, or if he was cheating or beating on her... then I could say thats understandable. But SHE LEFT HER HUSBAND and found a NEW LIFE. Who's to say she wont do it again.

She left to be with a younger artist who was even more unstable then her husband. Then she ends up with Javier Bardems character who seemed just as sensitive and uncertain as her husband - if not more. Heck he HAD kids. So why'd she fall in love with HIM? Oh yeah, cause he's man candy.

If a man did this, he'd be branded all types of horrid names/labels. But if a woman does it, it's empowering. Double standard. Thats why guys FEEL they have to dog women. Because if you treat them too nice, they'll walk all over you. I filed for divorce after years of physical & verbal abuse followed by counseling. I honored my vows until something life threatening happened. Then I had to go. But to just turn to your mate and say I dont wanna be married - thats a personal problem. And her friend (Viola Davis) was even worse for supporting her in her chaotic nonsense. If I were Viola Davis husband, I'd start to question her (and it would be Valid after that little speech in the airport she gave before Julia Roberts left.) No wonder the divorce rates up 50%. We have no commitment anymore. Here's some advice. If you feel YOUR happiness is more important than anything in a relationship, DON'T GET MARRIED.

[–] 13 years ago

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[–] ruffian82 13 years ago

I am almost fifty. Though many call it trite, and it is suspiciously neat how every travel destination in the movie ends on a good note and sends her off without any bad experiences, that is what moviegoers want and so...we can only blame ourselves (or the focus group screenings) for how our entertainment almost always wraps itself up neatly...unlike our lives....

Here's the thing. He wanted children and the time was now. Oddly as I walked though the house, my husband was watching a news program and a story flashed on-

Fertility 101.
By forty a woman's chances of getting pregnant are now thought to be 2 to 4 percent. I'm not sure if that is true. I've heard about a LOT of surprises.
But with all the different ways we live now, the meds we take, the food we eat, maybe we're not recognizing yet that women evolved to have children fairly young.
It's the toughest job in the world. I have no children and I know that.

I could go on for pages about how maybe older women are wiser in the experiences they can use to raise their children vs younger women are better equipped for just plain doing the back-breaking job of keeping up after them.

But the movie is what I'm writing about. She did the right thing. Otherwise she was going to be married to a man who adored her and had one eye on his watch and her biological clock, and would increasingly pressure her for what he also had a right to want; a family.
Some people want children; some don't.
No good, no bad. Just a choice.

But if you're married to each other, then yes, it's the most important thing to look in the eye and resolve as soon as one person is certain they don't want children. Otherwise; it's selfish.

[–] coolspot18 13 years ago

Agree, had the wrong priorities in life...

[–] splash_wog 13 years ago

I think your few sentences AzureHansa is perhaps the most significant comment on the whole message boards and forums on this film. Im suprised noone had brought this up earlier.Well said!!

[–] 12 years ago

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[–] Princess_Ashmi 12 years ago

So, what if she did get marriage counseling and even after all that she still felt no more love for him? Should she just continue to stay married to him because in your eyes he was perfect?

Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that you would definitely do that if it was you? If you were married to a wonderful guy who, in everyone elses eyes was the definition of perfection, but still he DID. NOT. MAKE. YOU. HAPPY, you would stay with him and continue to spend(or should i say waste) the rest of your life with a man you had zero feelings for just for his sake?!

I really wished people would stop looking at everything from one persons POV.

She may have been happy at one point, hence why she married him, but they grew out of love - it happens! Its now a catch 22, either way someone is going to lose out. If she leaves, she is selfish. If she stays for him, hes the selfish one (well he is, he wants her to stay simply for HIS sake).
If she leaves, he will be sad. If she stays, she will be sad.

Has happened to plenty of amazing wives over the years, now it happened to a seemingly amazing husband on screen. You know, at the end of the day she is doing him a favour. He'll always have the upper hand. He can take her back or carry on with his life with a new woman. She on the other hand can try and find happiness with someone else and if it works then good, if it doesnt then its her ultimate loss!

Who are we to judge? Its her life, its her bed, its her choice.

Ashmi any question

[–] whitespirit26 12 years ago

"still he DID. NOT. MAKE. YOU. HAPPY"

That's a terrible reason for you to give; countless women have been dumping their husbands because all of a sudden they're not happppyyy. Marriage isn't all about making you happy, it's about loving someone else. I think her divorce at that point was a mistake, even though I don't judge her since she was confused and in a depression, but to say that it's fine because people just "fall out of love" is a very weak excuse that really doesn't seem to comprehend what marriage is all about.

[–] Princess_Ashmi 12 years ago

Ok your own comments seem to be very ignorant, are you speaking from experience?

Have you been married and STAYED married to a man you no longer love?

I don't see what is so weak about divorcing someone you no longer have feelings for. It happens all the time - to men and women - they fall in love, get married and after many years together either grow apart or realise they were never really that in love to begin with. If you are more than happy to stay in a loveless marriage then hey... well done you!

But in my opinion, a marriage is based on love and if the love goes then there isn't much of a marriage going on anymore, just two people forcing themselves to stay together for the sake of something - either their children, their house, the sake of others or simply for the sake of a declaration that they signed a long time ago.

Ashmi any question

[–] whitespirit26 12 years ago

You're seriously calling me ignorant? I'm speaking of the divorce records today. Countless people have NO damn idea what marriage is about, and take vows till death until they suddenly hit a rut and cut each other out of their lives. "Happens all the time", yeah it does, in THIS day and age, where personal and immediate self-gratification is placed above ALL else. That "declaration" you called the thing of several years ago said it would last for their whole lives, and somehow people decades before now used to make it work; now, divorce is the order of the day. If you think that makes most modern people more happy, you must be looking at a different world.

[–] Princess_Ashmi 12 years ago

SO???!!!!

So what if so many people are getting divorced, does it affect you in any way? No. Is it even any of your damn business if they do get divorced? No!
Who cares if divorce rates are at an all time high?! How do you know people haven't tried and tried to make their marriage work and in the end chose to get divorced. And how do you know that divorce ISN'T making people happy????!

There are literally millions of divorced people in this world, are you speaking on behalf of ALL of them when you say they are not happy being divorced?!
Have you ever been divorced yourself? If not then how the hell would you know how they feel and if yes then what a massive hypocrite you are for judging them.

You're incredibly ignorant because you're going by your own word here. I'm assuming you obviously are married and doing your damn best to stay married. Hey good for you, you took a vow and you're keeping to it. Have a *beep* medal.

Ashmi any question

[–] whitespirit26 12 years ago

You sound both extremely young and ignorant. SO? So, families are torn apart by divorce, parents are sometimes torn from their children, and people who have been divorced say it's often like losing someone to death. Even the real Elizabeth Gilbert was shocked when a bunch of stupid women told her she "inspired" them to get divorced, because for her it clearly SUCKED as a process and she thought she made that clear. I'm not a hypocrite for saying what I SEE and I'm not in the least judging them.

"Who cares if divorce rates are at an all time high?!"

It often tears families apart, and THAT affects society, and so does the practice of its people taking vows lightly.

[–] Princess_Ashmi 12 years ago

So now all other divorcees are to blame for so many people getting divorced? Thats a pretty stupid reason for a person to end their marriage, because they heard of someone else doing it therefore they wanted to follow suit. I can't speak on behalf of them and quite frankly even if they did choose to divorce simply because someone who they respect did it then still, its not the other persons fault, its theirs for being dumb enough to assume that copying them will also improve their life.

I'm young yes, ignorant no. And not that its any of your business but i have been married and divorced and yes i am happier than i was during my marriage. And no i didn't divorce because everyone else was doing it or because i simply wanted a change or because i didn't try hard enough. I put my heart and soul into my marriage but ultimately it didn't work because i was trying to save something that had died a long time ago. I was lucky enough not to have children with my ex and sure, if we did have kids together that probably would have made a difference. But we didn't therefore we can't ever say what could have happened. But i'm not the type of person to dwell on the whole coulda woulda shoulda.

And it simply pisses me off when people like you or the OP judges a person THEY DONT KNOW by saying 'oh they didn't make their marriage work because they were selfish or because they dont value the sanctity or marriage or whatever'
Heck if you think its ok to do that then i guess i'll retaliate by saying that people who refuse to divorce simply enjoy being a doormat. What? Thats my opinion right? You think you know so much about divorced people like me therefore i think i know so much about married people like you. And if you think you're right...

Ashmi any question

[–] whitespirit26 12 years ago

"You think you know so much about divorced people like me therefore i think i know so much about married people like you"

You certainly have a habit of going off on tangents. I never judged you or any other divorced person; once again I'm reporting what I've seen and heard reckless people say. You need to learn to separate what I describe from the idea that I'm describing every single divorced person; members of my family have divorced. Your first paragraph doesn't even make any sense; I'm talking about the attitude of society as a whole, not claiming that anyone who gets divorced is responsible because someone else does it.

[–] Princess_Ashmi 12 years ago

You made comments like this "If you think that makes most modern people more happy, you must be looking at a different world" so naturally it doesn't sound like you are simply speaking of a few divorced people that you know.

Ashmi any question

[–] whitespirit26 12 years ago

No, I was indeed talking about numerous divorced couples. I don't mean that all of them are unhappy, or unhappy FOREVER, but in general divorce just isn't a happy thing. And families have suffered for it.

[–] Augustus_Octavian 9 years ago

She left him because he was a lazy bum and she was sick and tired of his *beep* Even if you don't believe in the traditional role of the men as providers, surely you yourself wouldn't be keen on a leech either. An unproductive leech at that.

[–] nyu-hikari 8 years ago

I filed for divorce after years of physical & verbal abuse followed by counseling. I honored my vows until something life threatening happened. Then I had to go.

Wow, well, there are people who love themselves a little bit more and get divorced at the first sign of abuse. I cannot blame them for appreciating more their life than a piece of paper. Impossible to reason with someone who thinks the ONLY good reason to divorce is because they were going to kill you.