1. Always keep the lights off at night when you are trying to find out what's going on.
2. Always walk backwards into darkness when you find your daughter screeming with a raw T-bone steak in her mouth jumping up and down, that makes complete sense.
3. When you find your daughter sitting on her bed with some mysterious box on her lap in a room full of moths it has to do with her parents divorce.
Your turn..
55. Braces are a scam perpetuated by the orthodontic industry; they have no other valid function than to reassure teens with body dysmorphic disorder that they'll look normal and not "deformed."
shareOh where to start........
56) the best place to put a sign (Remove Thy Shoes) is at the bottom of the door, where no one will see it.
57) after being divorced a year, Clyde is blindsided when his ex- wife boxes up his stuff from his office to convert that room into her own space, and to find out she's moving on, when she clearly has had a boyfriend for a while.
58) they teach Polish to 5th graders
59) someone can have a mouthful of food, yet they can speak clearly and concisely (the fork stabbing scene)
60) "Don't touch the box" is code for "Touch the box, in fact, open it!"
61) the opposite of bulimia; 2 fingers coming out of your throat.
62) 5th grade teachers don't bring work home with them; they stay until 9pm, alone. Their only light source, a small desk lamp.
63) be wary of American flags flapping in the wind. Next thing you know, your eyes are bleeding and you'll be thrown around like a rag doll.
64) Emily is very special.
More to come.....
Pain, in your eyes. Makes me cruel, makes me spiteful..
65. Make sure you've watched the Exorcist before saving your daughter from possession, so you know to tell the demon to take you instead.
66. Families of patients usually watch and interpret MRIs while they are happening, in a darkened room, while the doctor is elsewhere.
67. No one will object if you yank your child out of the MRI machine in the middle of a scan, and wearing jewelry and/or other metal is not a problem.
68. Hospitals will let anybody wander around in the morgue, unsupervised, and they have a great number of corpses at any one time.
69. In upstate New York, when it is cold enough to see your breath, it will also be light out after 5pm.
70. If you are looking for someone in Borough Park, ask some guy at random, he is likely to be the one you seek; it is not necessary to arrange a specific meeting time or place. This guy will also know that he is not just allowed but required to act and help you, something which the rabbis seem to be unaware of.
71. Rabbis can spot a dibbuk box from across a darkened room, without examining it.
72. Fifth graders will not give that box back even if you slap the shyt out of them.
73. A b-ball coach and a woman just starting a a jewelry business can each afford enormous houses.
74. A doggie door that is big enough for a human being to crawl through is a good idea.
75. Jewish demons really like wind.
76. When your child is possessed, go to NYC and find yourself a random group of Jews. At least 1 of them is obligated to help you because 'human life is in danger'
77. When the guy performing the exorcism says "that's not your daughter anymore!!" ...its BS. He can still save your daughter.
78. YouTube can teach you how to perform exorcisms.
79. Know the name of your possessor. Could come in handy.
80. When the mysterious death of your elementry school teacher includes the destruction of a classroom & the DENTING of the chalkboard....its actually no big deal.
81. Bitchy, self centered, intolerant mothers instill the "Cant Understand Normal Thinking" mentality in their daughters at an early age.
82. Making your ex-husband all of a sudden start taking off his shoes before entering the house he lived in for years will make a huge difference.
83. Said bitchy ex-wives somehow have the final say in their daughter's diets.
84. Plastic surgery, strictly for vanity, is usually a bad idea.
85. If you're a demon looking for someone to possess, try to select someone who's kitchen has a crap ton of unnecessary glass items in it for you to smash on the floor.
I don't love her.. She kicked me in the face!!