MovieChat Forums > Supernanny (2005) Discussion > Making Kids Say 'I'm Sorry'

Making Kids Say 'I'm Sorry'

posted 17 years ago by lime99
29 replies | jump to latest

I have noticed that Jo teaches the parents to have the kids apologize to their parents after they have been naughty and have sat in time out for a period of time. When I was going to school for early childhood education, I was told that we should not ask or expect young children (preschoolers) to say they are sorry (particulary to each other) - because they are not sorry, and then you are just causing resentment in the child, and it doesn't mean anything anyway...At the Montessori school where I work, we are supposed to always have the children apologize to each other (or give the other child they "wronged" a hug), so I do that. (However, if we have to place a child in time-out, we don't make a child apologize to us before we let them get up...)

Just wondering what other people's thoughts/experiences are on this? I can see both sides. Discuss :)

[–] cheluzal 16 years ago

I teach 8th grade and when I look at a misbehaving child, the first thing out of their mouth is "sorry." They really aren't. They are sorry they got caught but have been programmed to blurt the word that has lost meaning.
I usually repond with "oh, what are you sorry for?" or "I have to see it to believe it." Something to get them to think about their behavior, how it affected me, and how it disrupted the class. Either they are sorry (to their small teenage extent) or they could care less and nothing will change that.

Cursing is a crutch for the communicationally-challenged.

[–] bunnyjm74 16 years ago

I think it does teach the kids a valuable lesson. We do it with our now 3 year old daughter. She knows the difference between right and wrong and why she was in time out. She apologizes without prompting and we now since she is older tell us why she is sorry and what she did. For example, she will smart off at me and get sent to time out for speaking to me disrespectfully. I'll tell her you are to go to time out until you are sorry for how you spoke to mommy and ready to listen. She'll cry and when she is quiet she'll say, mommy I'm ready to listen now. I'll have her come over and ask her why she was in time out. And she'll tell me its was because I talked not nice to mommy. And I'll say yes that is right and when you talk like that it hurts mommy's feelings. She'll apologize, we hug and its over. She knows that even if she's bad later, the other stuff is over and done with. The technique helps children learn right from wrong, that their are consequences, how to respond back when they get in trouble and teaches closure on the issue for both parent and child.

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[–] Misanthwopical_Bweed 16 years ago

they learn consequences and that they should be sorry

socializing good manners is not a bad idea

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[–] cheluzal 16 years ago

I teach 8th grade.
I can just look at a kid misbehaving and the first thing out of their mouth is, "sorry."
It's like a trained dog, blurting out the expected response, but not really meaning it.
I usually follow their 'sorry' with "I have to see it to believe it." At least it gives them the choice of changing behavior, which true sorry/remorse produces.

Cursing is a crutch for the communicationally-challenged.

[–] ascott78 15 years ago

I don't know if there is any point in making a child say it is sorry when they probably aren't.

What else can you do though to end the time out?

[–] syfymoviebuff 15 years ago

I've been watching the show a lot lately and I wondered about that too, kids are naturally self-centered so of course they are not 'sorry' and I think that is the point of having them apologize because it stimulates their conscience and helps them to develop a moral center.

[–] s_m_ob 15 years ago

When I was a nanny and had to put my boys in time out, once time out was over I would have them tell me why they were in time out and apologize to whoever they harmed. This was done when the boys were as young as a year old. They may just be able to say yes, no and sorry but you're setting up the thought process of your actions have consequences and you have to take responsibility. I'm sick of parents letting their kids get away with everything and wonder why they don't listen to them or show them respect! You're not supposed to be the kids friend, you make the rules and they have to obey!

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[–] xffanatic_4ever 15 years ago

It's about planting that seed like someone else said. It's like everything else with little kids; routine, consistency. The same with making kids say please, thank you, excuse me, etc. I don't have kids yet, but I've watched tons of little cousins growing up being prodded by their mom after saying 'i want juice' to 'say please' and they repeat it, and eventually, they get that they have to say it. I remember that from when I was a kid too. I had to say please, thank you, ma'am, all that good stuff...and I had no idea what it really meant until a certain age, but it became habit, which is all that matters at that young stage of being a toddler/young child; that you're teaching a kid foundations to build upon as soon as they start learning to talk/interact. I think it's ultimately helpful.

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[–] maplejack 15 years ago

I also think part of the point is getting the kid to accept that what they have done is wrong. Sometimes (I am thinking particularly of the fabulous Megan! but there were others too), when a kid got timed out, they would still be angry and unrepentant by the end of their time. They refused to accept they had done wrong, and believed their parents were wrong and mean for giving them a time out.

Releasing a kid at that point is just going to lead to more destructive behaviour because they are still angry, still feel wronged, and still want revenge. By leaving them in time-out for another x minutes, the parents are teaching them that their behaviour will not be forigiven until they, the child, accept that what they did was wrong. 'Sorry' is an easy word to convey this, to get the child to admit they were wrong and submit to the parent's authority.

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[–] blynnpatton 15 years ago

"By leaving them in time-out for another x minutes, the parents are teaching them that their behaviour will not be forigiven until they, the child, accept that what they did was wrong."

I don't completely agree with the above quote. I realize what you are trying to say, but sometimes we forgive people even if they don't ask for or deserve it. It's more that they are trying to teach them to take responsibility for their actions, that the parents are not going to let get away with bad behavior, and that all behavior has consequences. It also helps children learn what behavior is acceptable. If their are no appropriate consequences for good or bad behavior, you send children mixed signals about what is appropriate. Good parents love their children even when they misbehave. The teach them appropriate behavior, because they love and want what's best for them. I'm not saying we shouldn't teach kids to say I'm sorry or to ask for forgiveness, but we don't want them to think it's okay to hold a grudge if someone doesn't say that they are sorry.

[–] sun78 15 years ago

I agree, except that if a child hurt another child, either verbally or physically, I would tell that child that I want him to say he or she is sorry, but when they are ready.