MovieChat Forums > Derailed (2005) Discussion > 'Everybody cheats.' True or false??

'Everybody cheats.' True or false??

posted 16 years ago by SeasonalAffective
31 replies | jump to latest

Remember the scene where Clive Owen, feeling haunted and regretful, tells his boss that he cheated on his wife, but before he can even finish the sentence, the boss tells him everybody cheats and treats his revelation like it's nothing?

Over the last few years (since I entered the workforce), I've seen firsthand that this, at least from taking note of the people I work with, is not at all a farfetched thing. True, it's more common among certain ethnicities than others (I mean no offense by this point; I've had many Hispanic men themselves tell me it's common in their culture, expected even), but I've seen it among every race and religion I've come across so far, and I live in New York City, so that's saying something.

But that's just my life and my experiences. I'm starting this post to ask the people on this board if they find it to be true for them as well. How common do you find cheating to be?

I'm talking about marriages, not dating. Neither are morally acceptable, but I consider cheating on a married spouse to be significantly worse than cheating on a boyfriend or a girlfriend.

Anyone?

[–] lornamd-1 16 years ago

I have never cheated on anyone, as far as I know I have never been cheated on and I know many couples who appear to be faithful (obviously with my exes and couples I know I cannot say for certain) but if I can be faithful I'm sure there are plenty of others who can manage to do with same so no I don't think everybody cheats. Cheating happens all the time there is no question of that and no one can know just how common it is as we only know who gets caught so whether cheating is what most people do I don't know. I hope not. There is an experiment that is done where attractive women attempt to seduce men who are alone in bars and wearing wedding rings and attractive men to the same with women under those circumstances. The results of that experiment are that the men accept and the women don't so take what you will from that.

I think there some cheating is worse depending on the circumstances. Cheating on someone you are married or in a serious long-term relationship with is worse than cheating on someone you have been dating for a few months. Cheating on someone who has always treated you well is worse than cheating on someone who doesn't treat you well. Its obviously worse if there are children involved and its worse if it is a friend or family member of your spouses.

[–] stan633 16 years ago

True - 99% of people in a relationship do, yes..

The human body is not and was not designed to be with one partner for "life"..

Those that say they don't must have some sort of moral religious belief behind them or they're total liars..

[–] lornamd-1 16 years ago

I don't and I'm not religious or a liar (and yes I have had opportunities). Maybe I'm part of the 1%.

[–] SeasonalAffective 16 years ago

Stan, are you saying that unless someone is pretty religious, there's no question they're going to cheat on their boyfriend/girlfriend?

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] SeasonalAffective 16 years ago

I don't feel the need to get many women pregnant. I don't feel the need to ensure the survival of our species. Why do you say we're hard-wired?

I want to screw a lot of women, but that's for pleasure (and ego). It has nothing to do with populating the world so the human race doesn't die out.

I've never understood this thesis.

[–] lornamd-1 16 years ago

People don't want to have babies because they want to ensure the survival of the species they choose to have babies because they have maternal/paternal feelings and want to know the joy of loving and raising a child and seeing their seed grow etc. However nature puts those desires in human beings so people will have create new life for the survival of the species.

It is the same with sex. You don't want to have sex to populate the world but the desire is put there to ensure that more life is created.

[–] dblondel 16 years ago

"I don't feel the need to get many women pregnant. I don't feel the need to ensure the survival of our species. Why do you say we're hard-wired?

I want to screw a lot of women, but that's for pleasure (and ego). It has nothing to do with populating the world so the human race doesn't die out.

I've never understood this thesis."

You're comparing two different levels of biological analysis.

You want to screw a lot of women for pleasure and ego = the proximate, mechanistic level (the HOW answer to why we do things, the immediate physiological reason).

The fact that screwing a lot of women would increase your offspring and fitness = the ultimate level (the WHY answer to why we do things, the evolutionary reason).

For example a fish that eats a certain type of prey. It likes the taste of that prey, which is the proximate reason it eats it. But the prey is the most efficient type of prey for that fish's biology, which is the ultimate reason it eats it - if it ate other types of prey, it wouldn't have as many offspring as other fish. But the fish doesn't think to itself "I'm going to eat this mosquito larva b/c it will increase my offpsring", it thinks to itself "I'm going to eat this mosquito larva b/c it tastes SO GOOD!". So the ultimate level is not a conscious motivating force at the level of the individual, it's more like an emergent pattern over generations.

It's also worth noting that no behavior is done "for the good of the species" or "for the good of the race". From a biological perspective, selection acts on the individual. So individuals that maximize their own fitness will tend to outcompete those that are decreasing their fitness "for the good of the group".

As for whether everyone cheats, I never have, and in my 2 long-term, serious relationships, as far as I know I haven't been cheated on.

[–] Pseudo1980 16 years ago

"But as humans we are hardwired to 'spread or seed' with as many women as possible to ensure survival of our species. "

This seems to be geared towards men, but women are also technically hardwired the same way. Women are hardwired to have sex with as many men as possible so that the most genetically fit sperm finds the egg. So the whole cheating as a biological imperative is a two-way street.

This is not so much in response to your comment but just to state for the record that cheating is not a gender specific trait. It may be hardwired into people, but it is still an active choice. Maybe the temptation to cheat cannot be avoided, but the actual act of cheating certainly can.

[–] jabberttp 16 years ago

The human body is not and was not designed to be with one partner for "life"..

Copout rationalization that might bring comfort to some.

Remember "All generalizations are false."

Anyway cheating is a totally different animal than being with one partner for life.

I've been with more than one "partner" but have never cheated on a partner.

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] lamont-hard 13 years ago

There are many couples who don't cheat, you are too cynical there are many women who don't even consider it. You watch to much Hollywood

[–] mdidesidero 10 years ago

99% of people cheat? Yeah, maybe in the ghetto they do.

People who actually love the people and things in their life, do not.

If you are willing to hurt the person you are with to satisfy your own selfish tendencies you are in a relationship that you're not supposed to be in in the first place. Or you're just an a$$hole. 99% of people are not a$$holes.

[–] kingsofleon2010 16 years ago

I have never cheated and never will,im soon to be married and to cheat on my wife would be the cruelest thing imaginable to do to her.Its *beep* that 'everyone cheats' ,if you are weak ,you cheat,if you dont care,you cheat.

[–] Jackpot777 16 years ago

Man, i cant stand those people who say 'Blah, blah, everyone does it, blah, blah'... Just because you are weak, doesnt mean we all are. Natural instinct, my arse. How many other primative instincts do we have, but supress? Obviously, we have evolved beyond that, unless this guy is somehow typing from a cave somewhere.

Im honest & have never cheated & never will. I have been cheated on & that just made me even more determined not to do it as i wouldnt want to inflict that pain on anyone im supposed to 'love'.

Forever S.M.G
U Cant C Me
Y.N.W.A

[–] lamont-hard 13 years ago

So true, Now if can get Hollywood to portray it this way. They always make the excuse of it happens in life, except it there movies it happens all the time.

[–] Zacef 16 years ago

Cos thats the precentage i wud give. I dont thing every single person cheats but a massive precentage of ppl have/do.

[–] 16 years ago

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[–] 16 years ago

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[–] keepitgoan 16 years ago

I would never in a million years cheat on my wife. I'd expect to be castrated for the next several lifetimes if I did.

.:Worst things in the world:.
1)Intentional murder/Rape without just cause
2)Globalization/World Bank/Need to conquer with bad intentions/greed
3)Disease/untreatable accidents
4)Cheating on a life partner that hasn't cheated on you or planned to.
5)Stupidity/Stratification/laziness

IMO at least... and cheating may even be above some of the others depending on context

[–] ShadesMagna 16 years ago

False. A lot of people cheat but not everybody

[–] fourthwall1-2 16 years ago

Value of marriage is declining.
It's a catch22. You have to accept or deny what you're willing to believe from your partner. Because in the end no matter how sincere they seem or how deep they look in to your eyes and tell you that you’re the world to them; it’s only words. You only know what they tell you.
The moment you believe everything you stand to be gullible. The moment you constantly suspect, you're told you have low self esteem and unmeasurable self doubt; which leads to further problems.
Some people cheat to psychologically mend their insecurities about their spouse possibly cheating on them, even if theres no signs at all.

[–] helenelisechat 15 years ago

False.

He's taking the knife out of the Cheese!
Do you think he wants some cheese?